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Gina77 · May 18, 2007, 04:52 PM

My husband has custody of his 7 year old son from his previous marriage. His ex has visitation every other weekend on her weekends she will take him to work with her. This would not normally be a cause for alarm, however, she works in a bar.

My concern is that people obviously are drinking alcohol, people become different when they drink and what if something happens while he is there? Granted it is not a very big bar from what I know of (there are usually around 10 vehicles there when we have driven by) but that just seems like a big risk to take.

My husband has confronted her about it before and her response is that she doesn't have anyone to watch him when she has to work. She also has a 7 month old son that she is able to find a sitter for. Why can't her sitter watch my step son also?

Is this OK?

JoeCanada76 · May 18, 2007, 04:57 PM

Hmmm this is interesting. I do not think they should allow children in a bar. I do not think that taking the 7 year old to work with her is smart, not really being a good parent. If she is able to find a babysitter for the 7 month old, she should be able to find a baby sitter for the older child as well.

Joe

I would also like to add, that I know your concerned about this, but it is up to your husband to deal with it, and bring to somebody else's attention if he wants too.

vlee · May 18, 2007, 05:08 PM

Uggh... I know exactly where you are coming from... my ex takes my daughter to his family's bar every time he has her. He used to spend a lot of time there. There is nothing illegal as long as the child is with a parent, but it sure is poor parenting. Now the LCB wouldn't be crazy about finding a child sitting at a bar late at night, and might fine the bar for it, or so I have been told. I suspect the mom takes him with her because otherwise she wouldn't get to spend any time with him. Has your husband asked her if it would be possible for her to pick up some extra weekday shifts so she could have every other weekend off to spend with their son?

Gina77 · May 18, 2007, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by vlee

Uggh...I know exactly where you are coming from....my ex takes my daughter to his family's bar every time he has her. He used to spend a lot of time there. There is nothing illegal as long as the child is with a parent, but it sure is poor parenting. Now the LCB wouldn't be crazy about finding a child sitting at a bar late at night, and might fine the bar for it, or so I have been told. I suspect the mom takes him with her because otherwise she wouldn't get to spend any time with him. Has your husband asked her if it would be possible for her to pick up some extra weekday shifts so she could have every other weekend off to spend with their son?

She really only seems him about 1 day of her visitation. She is suppose to pick him up on Friday and drop him off at 6pm Sunday. If hubby left it to her, she doesn't call until 7pm Saturday night to get him. Her mother has stepped up and keeps him Friday until his mom comes to get him on Saturday. We drop him off there and his mother brings him home anywhere between 7 and 8pm on Sunday.

As for my husband asking her to change her shift she always gives some reason as to why she can't. He even has went so far as to tell her she can bring him back home and then pick him up after her shift and she refuses. On a side note, she has this issue that anytime he asks her things that he is trying to tell her what to do and she gets rebellious.
This is really going to sound snotty but we are all in our thirties and she is acting like a 15 yr old.

vlee · May 18, 2007, 07:48 PM

I'm familiar with that angle too... my ex is the same way, and I would guess there are plenty of non-custodial parents who are simply because the other parent has so much more control over the child and time with the child. My ex is very hard to deal with. No matter what I suggest or how good it would be for our child, he sees every request as me trying to control things. I was told by my child's therapist that I needed to learn how to manipulate him into doing what was in our child's best interest. (I know, it shocked me too!) It doesn't always work, but I have learned a few things in dealing with him that seem to help. I don't know that it would in your situation, but often it takes a third party to point these things out to the other parent. Has your husband ever talked to his ex mother-in-law about this? Would she be willing to keep the boy until the mom is finished working? His ex would probably be more likely to allow her family to watch him than drop him off with you guys.