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lortaybean · May 10, 2007, 08:21 AM

I have one son and I am pregnant with my second child both by the same father. We realize that we are just not meant to be together. I don't want to take him to child support due to the fact he has two other children and he he is barley making paying their payments and there are things that I could receive from the state but I would have to file for child support and I don't want to do that I know if I ever needed anything for the kids he would get it for them. I know he needs to make it on his own and he can not afford to pay more child support and I just don't want to do that. We do get along and he did not want me to have the second child but I don't believe in abortion and I just could not do it it was to painful for me. So I feel like if he has no say and I am keeping this child then it should me my responsibility even though he said he will buy what ever they needed. Instead of me taking him for child support. I agreed so is there anything I or He could do so I can receive more assistance until I can get back on my feet as a single mom

excon · May 10, 2007, 08:40 AM

Hello lorta:

Nope. You hit the nail on the head when said that in order for you to get aid from the state, you're going to have to file for child support - or they will do it for you, and they'll garnish his wages.

You could try your local charity or church.

excon

NowWhat · May 10, 2007, 08:44 AM

I know you don't want to leave him broke - but they are his kids too. They shouldn't suffer because of the lack of child support. The courts will look at the fact of what he pays now and see what he has left over. They are not going to leave him with nothing. But saying that, he may have to make adjustments to his lifestyle.
If you don't want to go with court appointed amount - then you could set it yourself. An amount that you both can agree on.
And just because he didn't want the 2nd child doesn't mean he won't be responsible for it when it gets here.

mzapata · May 17, 2007, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by lortaybean

I have one son and i am pregnant with my second child both by the same father. we realize that we are just not meant to be together. I dont want to take him to child support due to the fact he has two other children and he he is barley making paying their payments and there are things that I could receive from the state but I would have to file for child support and I dont want to do that I know if i ever needed anything for the kids he would get it for them. I know he needs to make it on his own and he can not afford to pay more child support and I just dont want to do that. we do get along and he did not want me to have the second child but i dont believe in abortion and I just could not do it it was to painful for me. so I feel like if he has no say and i am keeping this child then it should me my responsiblity even though he said he will buy what ever they needed. Instead of me taking him for child support. I agreed so is there anything I or He could do so I can receive more assistance until I can get back on my feet as a single mom

Maybe not give his infroamtion. Just say that you don't know where he is at or his social. They may still be abel to track him down, just say that you don't know who the father is.

vlee · May 18, 2007, 07:20 AM

The state will likely lower the support payments he makes for the first two kids and issue an order of support for yours (if you file). Your children will likely get less than his other kids. In PA anyway, the first child awarded support always gets the highest percentage of the total support a parent pays. My ex has an older daughter than ours, but I was the only one to file for support. My attorney told me that if his first ex filed she would receive less than I would because I had filed first.

You two could see if it is possible to come to a support agreement on your own. Set a low monthly amount and make him responsible for half of all medical expenses and half of any large expenses that exceed whatever amount you would feel comfortable paying on your own.

Also please realize that this money is meant to provide his children with the same quality of life they would have had if you two had stayed together. If the state feels he owes more than whatever agreement you come to, they will create an order based on what they feel is fair to the children, even if it is difficult for the father and you don't want that much.