[talaniman]

Question though... I have also read over and over that contacting my ex will only drive him away more and for longer... It is best to leave him alone, so that if he's going to, he can see what he's missing? Still correct?

While it is true that after a break-up begging and pleading usually turns people off, and they run for the hills, a dignified break up may make a partner think fond memories, and there are some who think they made a mistake, 90% of the time the dumper has made up there mind, and has already started to move on. I also think that dwelling on what an ex may, or may not think, is a waste of time, since the dumpee is in shock, and may not be thinking all that straight anyway.

[Geoffersonairplane]

While it is true that after a break-up begging and pleading usually turns people off, and they run for the hills, a dignified break up may make a partner think fond memories, and there are some who think they made a mistake, 90% of the time the dumper has made up there mind, and has already started to move on. I also think that dwelling on what an ex may, or may not think, is a waste of time, since the dumpee is in shock, and may not be thinking all that straight anyway.

And also Never Assume Anything as tal once wisely advised me...

[mckenzie134]

Great work Geoff your doing well!!

What has happened here is thatb you are feeling what is called shock after abreak up. Pretty much you are feeling like you have no value at the moment and really nothing in life can make you happy but you feel like you would be able to live life much more and wish you could go back to when you were so happy if only he comes back you will be fine. And I'm sure you would.

I noticed you said you had a lot going on in your life before this which helps but at the moment since he has done this you need to think as straight as possible cause this relatio doesn't sound to health anyway. You will get better but he definitely put you in this agonising position but think of it like this if you can. HE Wasn't WORTH IT HE DID SOME STUPID STUFF.

Anyway dontb think what he is doing to many people do that and stuff thiss up he is probably at home wondering what your doing. That's what you need to think he isn't got many friends he will be missing you. PEOPLE DONTFOGET THERE EXS IN A HURRY GUARABTEED!!

[Capuchin]

Hi Hurting, Please remember that a week is not a very long time! It will take much longer than this to even get half over them!

Please stay strong! We're all here for you whenever you feel weak.

Try to keep your mind busy! It can only get easier!

[HurtingALot]

Good Morning Everyone... I need help... again. It has been about a week and a half since NC started... We are supposedly in this 2-week period which he asked for, to see if he misses me or can find happiness without me. (Told me that if I needed an answer now, then it's over, but he'd like me to wait the 2 weeks... ) I am dying. I feel so hollow... and sad. The tears come and go... my thoughts of him always are racing. I wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking, if there's someone else in his head... I am making myself nuts. I have been really good about not contacting him to this point... but I miss him so much. The relationship was really not so good... but there were lots of things that I loved about it too. I am thinking of going to his apartment tonight to try to talk. I want to know if he is indeed, thinking of me or not. I want to know where he is in all of this and if he's missing me. I am afraid of what the answers might be... and if going there/contacting him will just make me suffer longer. I also know that if he wants to reconcile, it should come from him... even if I could get him back tonight, it wouldn't be because he initiated contact, but what if he never does. What if it's really over? I can't bear it. Please help. I want to see him so badly it physically hurts.

[fix-what-you-broke]

I just answered this but my post has gone?!

[talaniman]

I am making myself nuts.

You sure are, and any contact now would make it worse. You are in shock and denial of your situation, and unless you get a hold of yourself, you really will be sick. It is so unhealthy to have your whole life wrapped up in one guy this way, especially since you admit the relationship wasn't that good, even though you had your moments. Stop fooling yourself, and accept he is looking for something else, and move on with your life. Don't you know how futile it is to make someone be with you? That's not love, and your acting like a dope fiend who needs a fix.

[HurtingALot]

Tal... you are right... (again... )... (Blunt, but you are usually right on!) I just wonder how long it will take before these moments of complete despair will end. Why can't I just move past this and see it for what it really was? He was not good to me most times, he was not good to my son... isolated me from my friends and family and has severe depression/manic issues... Why does it still hurt so much? I deserve better than this. Why do I care so much about what he's doing & thinking? What if he's not thinking of me at all? :confused:

[fix-what-you-broke]

Thank you talaniman..
I posted in some of your other threads about this... but now I have to change my mind a little.
If this guy has asked you for two weeks, please try and respect that, you have to realize that he needs time alone without contact, he's trying to figure this out in his own head,and if he has asked for time, at least give him that.
If you show up at his place tonight you will blow it, it will show him that you are too impatiant to respect his whishes.
Nobody can say if he is thinking about you, I'm sure he is as this is the point he needs time to think without you there.
If all you are going to do is show up when he has asked you not to it is only going to be a bad thing in the end.
Give him the space he needs, I know, it hurts like hell, I've been there,let it run its course.

[HurtingALot]

Fix-What-You-Broke... Thank you. I am in a calmer head (for the moment) and am convinced that going there tonight is a bad idea and I won't do it. Question for you... since he said "If you need an answer now, then it's over, but I would like you to wait the two weeks", do you think he really IS thinking? I don't want to kid myself if that was just his way of letting me down gently... What does it mean?

[fix-what-you-broke]

I will try and put it in perspective for you, its not the same situation as yours granted, but its about space and time.
Like every couple my man and I had our ups and downs, one time I managed to hurt him quite badly, and because of that fact he wanted to be alone for a while, because we live together, and the nearest town is 11 miles away, the only place he could go to be alone was upstairs to our room. Hours passed, those hours turned into days.
I respected his wishes and left him alone, I slept in the spare room, by the third night I was so much wanting to go upstairs and put my arms round him and tell him we could get through anything together, but even though it hurt me not to do that, I still left him alone.
By the fourth night he appeared, we sat and talked, and he thanked me for giving him time alone as it helped to clear his mind.
I believe if a person asks for time alone to think you should give it to them. In my partners case he told me he used that time to think of our time together, and to think back on our relationship, and we both believe it was a good thing.

If he is saying if you need an answer now its over, to me that means he has made himself clear, and if you disrespect that he will walk away.

[HurtingALot]

I think he might really be gone... I am thinking that even though he asked for 2 weeks, he hasn't made any effort to contact me. Is this because he is still pursuing "happiness" without me? Has he found it? Is he seeing someone else? Am I to assume that he really doesn't miss me at all? The hope is killing me... I keep hearing that I need to stop hoping for him to realize and come back. I am just miserable.

[fix-what-you-broke]

After what I said in my post above I have nothing else to say as I think I said all I could to make you realize about giving him space and how it could work out for the better, maybe somebody else can help you... good luck to you.

[HurtingALot]

I have posted in other threads... but am hoping for as much help and advice as I can get. I feel like I am not going to make it through this... (my head knows I will... my heart is completely unsure.) It has been a week and a half since our "break/breakup" began... NC... and it is excruciating. Most nights I have been unable to go to him... (probably lucky... ) but tonight I would normally be with him. I want to go so badly... and wish he would just say that everything is going to be OK. The hope of him coming back to me is driving me (and everyone else) insane. My gut is telling me that since he has made no effort to contact me... that is truly is over. The thought of him being with someone else literally makes me gag. (I can't eat or sleep... ) Is the story in my head better than what is actually happening? Why can't I stop waiting for him to come to me? I am going crazy. How can I allow someone to have this much control over my emotions? It is all I think about.

[talaniman]

It would help if you got off that pity pot and do something with yourself besides moon for some loser. I'm starting to think your full of crap now, and seeking attention, because all you talk about is your hurt, and even after acknowledging your toxic relationship, here and other people's posts, you still persist with this degrading line of posting and totally ignore the good advice given, to repeat the same tired crap. If your not going to help yourself what do you expect us to do? Now buck up, and get a life or go back, and be miserable. Your choice now make it.

[talaniman]

I had to add that any one as needy as you are really should be working on your issues instead of worrying about a guy you are pushing away with your unhealthy needs. Talk to some one preferably a professional to guide you through the process of making yourself happy instead of depending on others to do it for you.

[HurtingALot]

Whoa... Tal I was not expecting those responses. You have been blunt in the past... and I know that I am probably driving you (along with my close friends) crazy with all this drama, but I assure you that I am not simply attention-seeking. I wish there was a way to make it all go away. I truly do value all the opinions and advice I have gotten through these boards, it is certainly not my intent to make anyone angry with me. I am just really suffering... and not sure as to why so much. I am not a stupid person... I'm just not sure why this is affecting me as much as it is. I am so sorry for frustrating you. If you can imagine how frustrating/hurtful it is to me, (maybe you can), maybe you could be less angry.

[fix-what-you-broke]

I don't think tal is frustrated with you, I think he just wants you to open your eyes and see what is in front of you

[HurtingALot]

You have no idea how much I wish for the same... NO IDEA. It is no joke feeling this craziness... When will I be able to see it for good?? The clarity comes... and then it GOES... far far away.

[fix-what-you-broke]

You have got through over a week, I'm sure you can get to two weeks... then you will get the answers you are looking for