[kristi43]

I'm new here...
I just have a question
U can answer me if you want.

I have a ex he joined the marines... he's been writing to me and in his letters he says he still has feelings for me and misses me a lot and as his girlfriend...

I'm not sure what he's trying to say... do you have a idea?

[talaniman]

He is a long way from home, and you are his link to home and comfort, and he cares and misses you. This is probably his first time being away from home for so long. How old are you two and how long has he been gone? Writing him back a lot will make him feel better for sure.

[shygrneyzs]

He is lonesome, homesick, and is looking for someone who knows him and can keep some open connection with. Read his writings as a friend to him. Don't read more into his writings now. But keep the lines of communication open, if that is what YOU want to do.

[kristi43]

He is lonesome, homesick, and is looking for someone who knows him and can keep some open connection with. Read his writings as a friend to him. Don't read more into his writings now. But keep the lines of communication open, if that is what YOU want to do.

Him looking to me for support doesn't exactly mean bad things... he could really be meaning what he is saying couldn't he?

[kristi43]

He is a long way from home, and you are his link to home and comfort, and he cares and misses you. This is probably his first time being away from home for so long. How old are you two and hw long has he been gone?Writing him back a lot will make him feel better for sure.

I was with him for 2 yrs he's been gone for 3 weeks. I'm 18 he's almost 20
I do love him... and he always said he didn't have feelings for me now.. but now it's a different story its as if he's realizing things now and sometimes going away is all it takes.

[chaplain john]

Write him often give him the support he needs right now like shygrneyzs said. Don't read too much into what he says but hold on because you just could be right. Basic Training is a very lonely time and I can guarantee you that EVERY recruit looks forward with high hopes to mail call. The guys who receive mail regularly from "their girl" usually do well in training. And it doesn't hurt to use a little perfumed ink or a tiny bit of cologne on the letter too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is to guard your heart but support him because it might be what makes your relationship.

[shygrneyzs]

What he is saying does not mean bad things. Not at all. It could be that his perspective on life has done a 180 degrees and he sees things in a completely different view. As if disocvering what and who are really important to him. He could be meaning everything he is saying. In my generation our bf's were going to Vietnam or already there and the letters home were much the same as to what you are getting now. In my Mother's generation there was WWII. What a sad commentary on man's inhumanity - to be in war in every generation.

I will tell you to listen to your heart on what you former boyfriend writes home to you - but keep your wits about you. Make decisions based on real feelings, not some displaced feelings on past love. Am truly wishing your friend makes it back safe and sound. I wouldn't make any major decisions about how I felt about him and llife with him, until he is home.

Best of all to you. Hugs.

[kristi43]

What he is saying does not mean bad things. Not at all. It could be that his perspective on life has done a 180 degrees and he sees things in a completely different view. As if disocvering what and who are really important to him. He could be meaning everything he is saying. In my generation our bf's were going to Vietnam or already there and the letters home were much the same as to what you are getting now. In my Mother's generation there was WWII. What a sad commentary on man's inhumanity - to be in war in every generation.

I will tell you to listen to your heart on what you former bf writes home to you - but keep your wits about you. Make decisions based on real feelings, not some displaced feelings on past love. Am truly wishing your friend makes it back safe and sound. I woudln't make any major decisons about how I felt about him and llife with him, until he is home.

Best of all to you. Hugs.

I want to ask him straight out if he means it or not, but I don't want to scare him away... I believe in my heart that he always still had feelings for me, and that he sees it now that he's gone away. But then people keep telling me he's homesick and they kind of doubt that he means what he says. Then it makes me sad because then I get brain washed and wonder. So I'm not sure what to do... if he continues to write to me then I will know I'm sure.
Am I right?

[shygrneyzs]

I can understand how this is sure confusing you. You are smart to question as you don't want to be played. Yes, you can ask him if he means what he says. But do it gently. As you continue to write to him and he to you, you will see if his feelings are genuine. Sometimes we do not see what we truly had in a relationship until we do not have it. Him being in the military, possible deployment - it brings life into a focus that many of us cannot appreciate the same way.

Other people are willing to give you counsel; your friends and family and they mean well. They are coming at this from a perspective of not wanting you to be hurt. You can tell them how much their thoughtfulness means to you but you can also ask them to stay out of this, that all this is, is writing back and forth. Because right now, that is all that is is. You have time on your side. Time to discern his true feelings, time to figure out your own, time to separate a fantasy from reality, time for life. Don't rush yourself or rush him.

[kristi43]

I can understand how this is sure confusing you. You are smart to question as you don't want to be played. Yes, you can ask him if he means what he says. But do it gently. As you continue to write to him and he to you, you will see if his feelings are genuine. Sometimes we do not see what we truly had in a relationship until we do not have it. Him being in the military, possible deployment - it brings life into a focus that many of us cannot appreciate the same way.

Other people are willing to give you counsel; your friends and family and they mean well. They are coming at this from a perspective of not wanting you to be hurt. You can tell them how much their thoughtfulness means to you but you can also ask them to stay out of this, that all this is, is writing back and forth. Because right now, that is all that is is. You have time on your side. Time to discern his true feelings, time to figure out your own, time to separate a fantasy from reality, time for life. Don't rush yourself or rush him.

How can I ask him... if what he means is true? I mean I'm scared I might push him away... what's a good way to ask? I also think he wants to know how I feel about him. I don't know how to tell him that either. I'm scared like I said he might get pushed away. But then again he's never admitted in a while he has feelings for me still.

[shygrneyzs]

That is why it is important to keep this rather light - he cannot promise anything he is not able to give you now. The same goes for you. Don't expect promises from him and don't expect yourself to make promises, other than just what you see right now - reconnecting but on a very surface level. You cannot pick up from where you two left off. It does not often happen that way. Why did you two break up in the first place?

If you doubt his honesty now, then you have a right to say that to him. You are right in not wanting to push him - because what can he do about that? He is far away from you and there is nothing that he can physically do. You should not be pushing yourself either. If you do push and demand some answer, what happens if the answer is not something that you find suitable? What if he says he still deeply cares about you - then are you going to be in anguish over that, since he is not by your side?

From my own experiences being young and having a loved one deployed you need to remain positive, don't borrow tomorrow's troubles, don't ask for things that cannot be delivered, be patient (VERY patient), and pray pray pray for the safe homecoming. When that happens, you two can work on the relationship. But now is not the time to nail things down with him.

You take it slow, calm, sensible, and remain caring. Be supportive of him, listen to him, and appreciate every letter. Have you made a care package for him yet? Something from home would be very welcome.

Take care. Hugss.