[emiflea]

My best friend (we'll call her "Kacie") accidentally saved her Myspace password on my computer from the last time she was here, so out of curiousity, I logged in and read something I was probably NEVER meant to read. This is a message she sent to her good male friend, who's girlfriend has not liked me for a long time, and he probably doesn't either. Here is the message:

"ps, Tell (his girlfriend) I always liked her more than (me) pretty much. BUT DO NOT TELL (me) THAT. I do like (me). She is nice; a little annoying and pretentious of course but still one of the only people I know who hasen't screwed me over."

I know I shouldn't have been snooping, but ? I feel like I'm being used kind of, who calls the person they say they love so much and their "best friend" annoying and that they like their friend's girlfriend more than they like me? She hangs out with me, and talks to me all the time, she never talks to his girlfriend. I guess I should add that about six months ago, I dated Kacie's ex-boyfriend, but he cheated on me with her (we weren't friends until about four months ago... and I don't care about my ex at all... they are exes now, I was most glad to get HER friendship), maybe she's still secretly mad at me for it? I want to mention it to her, I'm MAD and hurt, if I don't talk to her for a few days, or tell her I'm mad, I'm going to have to tell her why I'm mad, and "I LOGGED INTO YOUR MYSPACE AND READ THAT MESSAGE" is not as bad as what she said about me, but not good either. What do I do, I love her, she is my really good friend, do I assume she was just trying to get on his good side, or that she is just using me and talks sh** about me all the time? I don't know what to think, or how to talk to her about it. Help!!

[Jiser]

Its snooping yes but you could also confront her or withdraw. Hard situation your in here. If I were you I would talk to her face to face and tell her. However you may risk losing a friendship. Up to you. You could forget about her as your 'best friend' and find new people - quite easy to do.

[gypsy456]

Well... she's your best friend and you did something that is -understandable- when we are in a new relationship with someone of the opposite sex.. but snooping on a girlfriend ?

I know... for me and my girlfirends that would be a big NO NO.

Despite all that you read: you overstepped a big boundary in a friendship.

If you cherish this friendship you can confess and face consequences.

If you are still hurt and bothered by what you read... well, as Jiser said: withdraw and find new friends.

Good luck.

[shatteredsoul]

My "best" friend did something similar to me a long time ago. I wrote to my boyfriend about how I didn't want my life to be like hers, where her boyfriend has all the fun without her. She basically sits back and lets him control her. She read the note when I got out of my car. I didn't realize I left it there, but I also didn't realize she would read it. Sometimes you go looking for things when you are insecure about what someone thinks about you. I don't think you meant to be deceitful, but you were curious. YOu know the saying, curiosity killed the cat? Well when you look for things, sometimes you find what you never should have looked for. You weren't meant to read that. She was being honest and she never thought you would see it. She was saying that you have never screwed her over but that you can be annoying and immature sometimes. Who can't be?? I could see if she called you a bunch of nasty names or spread rumors, but she was just sharing a feeling in the moment. I say let it go, because if you don't it will ruin your friendship. Not that it was a big deal, but once you tell her, she will be mad at you for snooping and then it will escalate. Things won't be the same. Just try to be the best friend you can be and learn from this kind of lesson. Nobody likes to hear bad things about themselves, but when you can take criticism and learn from it, everyone wins. She also feels obligated to tell him that she likes her. You don't know that you aren't any less important. I understand your feelings are hurt, and hers will be if she knows what you did. So try and call her and tell her you have had a rough couple of days. Maybe you can tell her you feel like your not as close anymore and you wish you guys could work on that. I don't know. I can tell you that my relationship with my friend changed because she saw me as judging her relationship, which I was and she became very distant. I would hate for that to happen to your friendship. If she is someone important to you, then be the bigger person and try to move forward. Wish you the best of luck with it!!

[cely05819]

Look, you snooped. What were you hoping to find by doing so? This is a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned. Scale back your relationship. You can still hang out and have a good time with someone and not consider them to your best friends. I have a close circle of friends and I would NEVER snoop into their private stuff. I also have a group of friends that I hang out with on occasion and have a very good time with but I would never leave them alone with my wallet.

It's up to you. Knowing that if you confront her you may lose her friendship, is that such a big deal. She's talking trash about you. I stand by what I say and anything I say about a person I'd be perfectly willing to say the same thing directly to tha person. In this situation I would be offended that you snooped but would be willing to back up what was said.

You could also take the position of constructive criticism. If she says you're pretentious, maybe you are. Tell her what you did and that you didn't know people viewed you that way and ask for some examples and solutions to help you become a better person.

Just remember to watch your back though.