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needhelpnconfused · May 10, 2007, 09:06 PM

What do you do when your 17 year old stepson doesn't care when he starts a fight between me and his father? And what do you do when he keeps acting out in school and keeps doing things to stay in trouble?

whiteladybug2002 · May 10, 2007, 09:37 PM

It sounds like he is seeking attention in any way he can get it. He may feel 2nd rate when it comes to you and he wants Dad's attention? I don't know, too little info, but maybe you should try seeking therapy for him and the family.

Good Luck and God Loves You!

Fr_Chuck · May 10, 2007, 10:27 PM

The idea of a 2 X 4 jumps to my mind, but seriously, first you and his father need to watch for it, and not let him do it, you have to be unified in what you do and the punishments that happen. Next his father needs to back you ( step mom?) ( second step dad ?) sorry will guess step mom

He starts fights between you two, because the two of you allow it to happen, this is something the two of you have to work on, to agree to one plan of action and stay on it.

But counseling can be a useful thing.

1badchoice · May 10, 2007, 11:20 PM

The biological parent has really got to step up. They will be the one needed to set up boundaries, rules, punishments. While it should be agreed upon by both parents, your dealing with a teen who may not recognize new parents authority. If the dad sets the rules and states the consequences things should be easier to manage. The teen is creating arguments between the two adults as this does several things... takes the focus off him, helps him get away with inappropriate behavior, and divides things so his parent will once again be his. No matter what the step-parent says... it will not work until the bio parent enforces the rules. As the step-parent you may have to take a step back... only get involved with life/death issues... and let the father see how out of control the child is getting. Don't rise to the teens instigation of discord. Leave the room, repeat the rules only (again, again, again), or direct teen to other parent. This is all very hard I know. Been there myself. But your in a no win situation with this teen. He is old enough that only his father will have a real effect on curbing negative behavior. This may not be the only advice you should follow but sometimes you need to back up and start at the basics. I truly wish you the best. Still struggling through myself.