Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    missk's Avatar
    missk Posts: 517, Reputation: 44
    Senior Member
     
    #1

    May 9, 2007, 06:20 AM
    My Mom
    My mom has been through quite a bit. Her dad was an alcoholic and sexually abused her until she moved out at 18. Her mother committed suicide when she was 8 yrs old. I have just recently found out and I think she has too that her brother who is four years older than her was also sexually abusing her.

    She is a wonderful, beautiful person and most of the time she is okay (as long as she is taking her antidepressents). Every once in a while she has episodes of depression. I have noticed that when she has the episodes of depression, it is when she is "getting help". There are two sides to going to counseling: It can make you feel worse because you are bringing up the horrible past and reliving it all over again. It can make you feel better because you can talk about it to someone and let out all your anger and pain.

    I just tell her to stop thinking about the bad and the past and move forward and think about the future. You can't change the past-you just got to get on your feet and be grateful for what you have now.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
     
    #2

    May 9, 2007, 06:26 AM
    MissK, I am not sure of your question, However, telling a depressed person to
    stop thinking about the bad and the past and move forward and think about the future.
    Is one of the worst things you can do for them. You see, they CAN'T just stop thinking about it. If they were able to, don't you think they would have?

    I have lived with a depressed father all my life, as he went through years of therapy, so did we.

    While I agree with your thoughts on this, anytime this is said to a depressed person it makes them more depressed because they can't stop. That is part of the depression.

    Do your Mom a favor and just support her, good moods or bad moods, up days and down days. But please don't tell her just to stop thinking about the bad. If she could have, she would have.
    missk's Avatar
    missk Posts: 517, Reputation: 44
    Senior Member
     
    #3

    May 9, 2007, 06:41 AM
    I support my mother and have supported her ever since I have known of this-which has been a very long time. This does not make her more depressed when I tell her this. Trust me I am very aware that if she could have-she would have. But there is nothing wrong with telling her to try and focus on the good and the future and what is good in her life instead of focusing on the bad so much.
    Allheart's Avatar
    Allheart Posts: 1,639, Reputation: 436
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    May 9, 2007, 07:07 AM
    MiSS k - I do agree with you about therapy. I often wondered about that. For me, I would much rather bury it away. Talking about it for me, makes it worse.

    But I agree with J-9 about not telling Mom not to focus on it. I will never forget, when my Father-in-law was in the hosptial ( Pops was manic-depressive), The doctor walked into the room, with dirty crappy sneakers on, went to Pop's bedside, talked loudly (as some doctors think all the elderly are deaf) and proceeded to say, very slowly... WHY... ARE... YOU... DEPRESSED.? Hello?? I politely pulled the doc out of the room.

    I guess what I am getting at is, if they knew why, or could stop being, they would. What may happen by you telling Mom not to focos on the past difficulties, is inadvertenly make her feel guilty, bad or responsible for being depressed.

    I do feel for you in my heart. Depression is a disease that takes a whole lot of love and patinece and it sounds like you have plenty of both.

    Let the docs give Mom what she needs as far as how to manage through it, and all you need to do, is be there for Mom and love her.

    But boy, I do know your sadness.

    My best to you.
    gypsy456's Avatar
    gypsy456 Posts: 319, Reputation: 48
    Full Member
     
    #5

    May 9, 2007, 07:52 AM
    Just be there for your mum...

    I hope she has therapy...

    Depressed people are in a way sick, they can't help it and need to be helped.
    By a professional.
    Telling her that she has to move on... is not going to help her.
    It's not simply turning a switch on/off...

    Just be there for her.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #6

    May 9, 2007, 09:12 AM
    Yes, often people with problems and issues have to often appear to others to get a lot worst, before they can get better, Moving on, without dealing with the past is the best way to seroius breakdowns latter.

    Please support and help her going to counseling.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

My mom and Step mom in hate! [ 6 Answers ]

My mom and step mom are not getting along. It all started with a stupid gift card! Out of all things. My card only had $3.45 on it and my brother only had $.19 on his. The cards were soposed to have $20.00 on it. My mom and step mom live one house away from each other and then they just get into...

My mom [ 2 Answers ]

Well I love my mom with all my heart I never really fight with her and she helps me out a lot.well I have been giving her a heard time and stuff because of school and boys and stuff like that. Well today I found out that there is something wrong with my moms heart. She says that everything is going...

Want to become a mom [ 6 Answers ]

I want to become a mom but I can't so please someone help me:confused:

Mom came into some $$$ [ 3 Answers ]

My ex wife it appears has inherited a sizeable amount of money after the death of her mother. (amount unknown) Additionally prior to our divorce her parents did one of two things, they either set up an account for college tuition and expenses or donated money to a number of schools for...

Mom doesn't get it! [ 7 Answers ]

:confused: My Mother has always been overbearing, and outspoken. Lately, she uses advancing age as an excuse to say ANYTHING. She recently e-mailed a popular TV newscaster concerning the woman's weight. Mom noticed the always trim, health conscience reporter gained a significant amount of weight...


View more questions Search