[missk]

My mom has been through quite a bit. Her dad was an alcoholic and sexually abused her until she moved out at 18. Her mother committed suicide when she was 8 yrs old. I have just recently found out and I think she has too that her brother who is four years older than her was also sexually abusing her.

She is a wonderful, beautiful person and most of the time she is okay (as long as she is taking her antidepressents). Every once in a while she has episodes of depression. I have noticed that when she has the episodes of depression, it is when she is "getting help". There are two sides to going to counseling: It can make you feel worse because you are bringing up the horrible past and reliving it all over again. It can make you feel better because you can talk about it to someone and let out all your anger and pain.

I just tell her to stop thinking about the bad and the past and move forward and think about the future. You can't change the past-you just got to get on your feet and be grateful for what you have now.

[J_9]

MissK, I am not sure of your question, However, telling a depressed person to

stop thinking about the bad and the past and move forward and think about the future.

Is one of the worst things you can do for them. You see, they CAN'T just stop thinking about it. If they were able to, don't you think they would have?

I have lived with a depressed father all my life, as he went through years of therapy, so did we.

While I agree with your thoughts on this, anytime this is said to a depressed person it makes them more depressed because they can't stop. That is part of the depression.

Do your Mom a favor and just support her, good moods or bad moods, up days and down days. But please don't tell her just to stop thinking about the bad. If she could have, she would have.

[missk]

I support my mother and have supported her ever since I have known of this-which has been a very long time. This does not make her more depressed when I tell her this. Trust me I am very aware that if she could have-she would have. But there is nothing wrong with telling her to try and focus on the good and the future and what is good in her life instead of focusing on the bad so much.

[Allheart]

MiSS k - I do agree with you about therapy. I often wondered about that. For me, I would much rather bury it away. Talking about it for me, makes it worse.

But I agree with J-9 about not telling Mom not to focus on it. I will never forget, when my Father-in-law was in the hosptial ( Pops was manic-depressive), The doctor walked into the room, with dirty crappy sneakers on, went to Pop's bedside, talked loudly (as some doctors think all the elderly are deaf) and proceeded to say, very slowly... WHY... ARE... YOU... DEPRESSED.? Hello?? I politely pulled the doc out of the room.

I guess what I am getting at is, if they knew why, or could stop being, they would. What may happen by you telling Mom not to focos on the past difficulties, is inadvertenly make her feel guilty, bad or responsible for being depressed.

I do feel for you in my heart. Depression is a disease that takes a whole lot of love and patinece and it sounds like you have plenty of both.

Let the docs give Mom what she needs as far as how to manage through it, and all you need to do, is be there for Mom and love her.

But boy, I do know your sadness.

My best to you.

[gypsy456]

Just be there for your mum...

I hope she has therapy...

Depressed people are in a way sick, they can't help it and need to be helped.
By a professional.
Telling her that she has to move on... is not going to help her.
It's not simply turning a switch on/off...

Just be there for her.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, often people with problems and issues have to often appear to others to get a lot worst, before they can get better, Moving on, without dealing with the past is the best way to seroius breakdowns latter.

Please support and help her going to counseling.