[nadyatk]

You can't be shure whether he's watching porn- all you know is that he spends a long time in the bathroom with his laptop in the middle of the night- is it possible that he's chatting with someone in a difrent time zone (hence the strange time)

[pink4life252]

Just have sex with him and play with him and maybe he won't feel so dependent on porn

[hockey247]

I can't understand any of those garbled answers enough to have it answered myself. I have no issues with my boyfriend doing it-- but at what point is it a pronlem? Also how much is too much when you have a great sex life.. or is it not so great because he has to find another outlet. He also doesn't admit it-- although I know for a fact. So is that from guilt or embarrassement. Is it just coming out now becuas ethe "honeymoon is over" we have been together over a year now. Is there any man on this site that can tell me he has a normal sexual relationship and a healthy porn addiction on the side?? I am definiktely not controlling and got him some of the porn he has- just didn't expect it to be used so often without me-- I guess my bad-- any advice?

[smoothy]

I can't understand any of those garbled answers enough to have it answered myself. I have no issues with my boyfriend doing it-- but at what point is it a pronlem? Also how much is too much when you have a great sex life.. or is it not so great becuase he has to find another outlet. He also doesn't admit it-- although I know for a fact. So is that from guilt or embarrassement. Is it just coming out now becuas ethe "honeymoon is over" we have been together over a year now. is there any man on this site that can tell me he has a normal sexual realtionship and a healthy porn addiction on the side????? I am definiktely not controlling and got him some of the porn he has- just didn't expect it to be used so often without me-- I guess my bad-- any advice?

I have a healthy sex life even after 16 years of marriage. As in almost every night. With almost anything that strikes either my or my wife's fancy at that moment. And yes I do watch porn as well, though it is while wife is in the room on her computer and not in a bathroom behind a locked door, or even when she is sleeping, ever.

[Krs]

Watch porn together ;)

[smoothy]

Watch porn together ;)

Yes... it might give you both new ideas to try to keep your sex life from getting boring.

[talaniman]

I think sometimes we make a mountain out of a mole hill, when we are insecure or jealous. I think communication and respecting ones space, allows us to do as we want without guilt trips, and makes for a happeir home atmosphere, and improves the relationship, as opposed to putting a strain on it. We are the problem sometimes, and need to recognise that, and know when to shut up, and back off.

[hockey247]

Thanks! I just wanted to hear from a guys perspective. If it is normal to want both on a regular basis. I don't mind what he does as long as I am still satisfied ( which I am).

[smoothy]

Thanks! I just wnated to hear from a guys perspective. If it is normal to want both on a regular basis. I don't mind what he does as long as I am still satisfied ( which I am).

Now if he ever starts neglecting you in favor of online porn... then you have an issue. Or should I rephrase that he has a problem.

[MicheleEB]

Watch porn together? Haha... my fiancé (of 8 years) starting watching porn (and he thought I didn't know) and every time I tried to play or do anything else he acted uninterested, and at one point told me that it would be "too weird" if we watched porn together. Suddenly he doesn't even want to be in a relationship, he actually moved into our spare bedroom! So now I have a roomie not a fiancé... my suggestion you will have to either let him go or leave it alone, at least for now.

[MicheleEB]

OH yeah no comments about why we have been engaged so long, circumstances that were beyond our control kept the ceremony from happening including him nearly dying about a year and a half ago.

[smoothy]

Watch porn together? Haha....my fiance (of 8 years) starting watching porn (and he thought I didnt know) and every time I tried to play or do anything else he acted uninterested, and at one point told me that it would be "too weird" if we watched porn together. suddenly he doesn't even want to be in a relationship, he actually moved into our spare bedroom! So now I have a roomie not a fiance...my suggestion you will have to either let him go or leave it alone, at least for now.

Odd, my wife even comments on any well endowed women (or men) we come across, etc... in our case we make it a couples thing. She's absolutely welcome to watch anything I watch right along side me if she wishes. She's always in the same room when I watch it anyway. No sneaking around needed.

[talaniman]

I think it's the sneaking around that makes the females mad!!

[smoothy]

I think its the sneaking around that makes the females mad!!!

Problem is some women get upset just for their man liking to watch it PERIOD , without sneaking around.

[YeloDasy]

Wow, I just am reading this post... I am going to state my 2 cents. My opinion, I love to watch porno! So this is just what I think about relationships in general.
I hear that people think porno is okay, and some say it is not. Well, it is a personal thing... but in a relationship, more often with women, your sex life is defined as part of your intimacy with your partner, an emotional connection with someone you care about... and being left out deliberately and being lied to about it probably doesn't feel good. And some women find it disrespectful, and they have the right to feel however they want!
But to someone women, porno is okay and if they want it in their relatonship, GREAT!
Every person has something they don't like and will not allow in a relationship or partner, whether it be porno, bars every night, strip clubs... if someone doesn't like something, then the partner should be respectful. And vice versa. I agree that hobbies should not be compromised in relationships, but porno is a grey area... is it really a hobby? Haha
But this sounds like there might be more to his feelings on porno. Maybe he is embarrassed. Maybe he feels he has to do it and doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe he can only watch it alone.. who knows! But the fact that he is lying is not okay... that is a problem. I suggest telling him how you feel... really think about what you want in your relationship, your values in relationships, and what you can do to get him more comfortable with talking to you about it... maybe asking him how you can get involved somehow. It should be a compromise... he isn't going to fully change, but maybe he will cmpromise to a point that you both feel comfortable! :)
Hope this helps...

[talaniman]

I just can't imagine telling a grown person what to do in a marriage. Just because your against it. Isn't that's where that honest communication comes from. I think whether its porn or shopping, working together to find solutions to your problems that you both can live with is, the cornerstone of healthy relationships. Demanding, nagging, or ultimatums, only bring conflict and resistance, so why even go there. Anything can be worked out if both are willing to compromise, or maybe I've been married to long, I don't know.

[YeloDasy]

You are right Tal, even in a relationship, we don't have the right to tell people what to do... but we have the right not to feel okay with something and to let someone know. And hopefully they will hear that person and compromise. Tal, It sounds like you have a healthy relationship... but not every partner has strong communication skills and problem solving skills. And sometimes it boils down to a commitment to a relationship. When two pople talk about things openly, and really listen to each other, they show commitment. It feels insecure when we are not heard in a relationship... Maybe sometimes we need to look closer at who we choose to be in a relationship with! :) But on a first date, it is hard to take your checklist and have one questions be "do you watch porn and not include me?" haha OK, that was off on a tangent...
I guess sometimes we need to look at our values, and if this goes against it, do not give in... if it is something that you can work out eventually, then maybe it is worth the work.

[smoothy]

I think this argument is a lot like the leaving the toilet set up argument.

I mean how can she whine about him leaving the seat up when she leaves it down.

A simple compromise is when he takes a whiz... he picks it up and leaves it up. When she takes a wee she puts it down and leaves it down. Deal with it since its not hard to either lift it up or put it down. Some things are pretty petty to argue about.

He is an adult... as long as he's not locking himself in a bathroom to watch it. (assuming there aren't kids running around which can be a valid reason for that). Hell everyone does things that can be irritating as hell if you are dead set on finding a conflict. I hate going with my wife clothes shopping... but I put up with it, She doesn't bellyache about every single thing I do either. (some stuff yeah, but not everything)

[dogma]

Oh yeah it is you will get the best sex ever if you let him watch porn trust me it makes guys very horny and you learn new things to do you just have to be willing to try it

[beyondmention]

Hey gang-
Not sure if I am posting in the correct topic.
My boyfriend secretly watches porn when he thinks I am asleep by sneaking his laptop into the bathroom and locking the door.
This may be natural...but it is very aggrevating and hurtful.
Two cents on a couple questions are welcomed:
is this helpful for our sexual relationship? in that if I give off the vibe that I don't want sex, and he does, is it okay for him to conduct himself like this?
naively, this is my first relationship...so I wonder if it bothers me to the point of stripping my sleep, is it worth a battle fighting? should I be worried?

thanks much!!

My two cents
I think that if you really like your boyfriend talk to him about it bring it up in a way that doesn't make him feel defensive. Perhaps, you both should watch porn together. No it doesn't mean that your relationship is automatically doomed.Take a positive approach and don't make this is all about you! Don' t lose sleep over this this is not a battle . Make him comfortable about not hiding the porn .This is your first relationship. Learn and grow. Do not let anyone else impose their moral or religious principles upon you yet openly discuss your feelings and try to find a mutual common ground based on love, respect, maturity and honesty. He may not have been honest because he may be ashamed . Give your guy a break before you condemn him to death or worse for watching naked women and or couples have sex. You may learn more about yourself and your boyfriend if you take a positive approach.
Good Luck!