[txconfusedmom]

[F]

Well this is long but I will try to make it as short as possible.

I am a 46 yr. old single mom. I have a 16 yr old daughter. ALL I ever wanted was to be a mom. Read all the books, took classes, worked in her preschool and currently on disability for a blood disorder but work as a P/T Nanny and in the nursery at church.

She has never been easy, but since reaching teen years she has ran-away numerous times, been in the mental hospital 3 times, been to 3 alternative schools that also treated her for Bipolar which she has been diagnosed by 6 doctors. When she os on med's she is a "normal" augmentative teen. But when she is not on med's, has not been on them for 1 1/2 years, she could not be any meaner. When I say something she doesn't like, ground her, or who-knows-what - she gets mad and runs to a friends house who's mom doesn't even try to get to know me. She believes every word my daughter says because she has only seen me when I'm distraught and upset.

People either say I need to be meaner and slap her when she spits on me, or others say it MUSt be because I have been to mean to her. No one takes under consideration her diagnosis - it always has to be the parent.

Anyway after begging for help for 6 years I am mentally exhausted. She is like an abusive husband - but I can't just leave because she is my child. She has caused my family to pretty much abandon us because they are all so tired of it. We live in a small town and the police here are horrible. They don't want to help and end up counseling us like we are a couple saying things like "you both have to compromise". ??? If I set rules about homework and what time to come home and attending school - I should NOT have to compromise on these!

Anyway, my question is for me to send my daughter to my mother who I have not had any contact with in 15 years, what kind of paperwork needs to be filed? I DO NOT want to give up my child. Just want to to the minimum so that she can sign her up for school and take her to the doctor. I need answers ASAP. THANK YOU!

[startover22]

I don't know a birthcertificate and a note? Why send her away, is she going to be better there? How old is your mother, if you are 46, then she is probably at least 65 or so. Is your mom up for that? Why is she on and off her meds? Does she know right from wrong when she is on them and does she tell you that there is a difference, does she like it or not? I am just wondering. I don't know if I have any answers but with a little more info, I might be able to figure something out.

[txconfusedmom]

THANK YOU for responding! I am so happy to answer any and all of your questions. This is scarring me so bad. We have been through a lot, but sending her to a abusive, self absorbed, alcoholic mother is not what I want to do. My mom is 62 - she had me when she was 16 and has greatly resented me ever since. Being a mom was not the life she wanted.

When my daughter is on med's it is night and day. She is a "normal" teen. A little argumentative - but NOTHING like when she is off. She gets very violent - throws things, attacks me and our dog, she has also attacked my aunt, other children, etc. She did not grow up in this small town so no one really knows her history. Yes she knows right from wrong when on med's & even when she is off - she just can't control the rage.

Bipolar is a funny kind of mental illness. It affects everyone differently. Primarily it is a chemical irregularity in her brain. She truly believes I am the root to all of her problems. Yes, a lot of teens believe this about their parents - but not to this extent. She blacks out and doesn't remember what she has done. There is no law that allows me to force the med's upon her. If she is threatening to kill me or hurt herself then I can put her back in the mental hospital - but they only help for the few days she's is there, then we are right back where we began.

She has missed so many days of school and her grades are really suffering. She has a job and is having a real hard time trying to juggle school, work and a social life. So she doesn't get enough sleep so this ads to the problem also. She says the F word so many times a day I can't count. She throws everything I have and breaks it or just takes it and looses it. These are just material things but it's the lack of respect I can't stand. When she was younger and I threated to ground her or take away a privilege - I always carried through without being too harsh. Honesty is the most important thing to me. When I catch her in a lie SHE is the one who gets angry...

The simplist thing can set her off - if I say a word she doesn't like, turn the wrong direction, laugh in a way she doesn't like, etc...

I love her with all my heart, but just to learned to love myself when I cut my mother off. I desperately need peace in my life and I want my daughter to graduate HS. If this is the only way, since we have tried everything I can think of, then I have to do it for the both of us.

THANK YOU again for listening and giving advise. Raising this child has felt really lonely.