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thiemori · Mar 14, 2007, 05:18 AM

I know it would seem like the logical thing to do, but I'm not sure if I want to have any more children with my husband. Until we resolve our marital issues, I don't think having more kids would be a good idea. I'm still in a state of confusion, although my husband is acting better these days. I think he senses something is different with me. Thank you for that suggestion though. I appreciate any advice,. positive or negative.

talaniman · Mar 14, 2007, 05:30 AM

That's what marriage is all about. It's a never ending process of working together to solving your issues where you can both be happy. Affairs of the heart only distracts from the process and there are consequences to pay. It may take years to learn how to work together for the benefit of both so know there is a lot of hard work to do. Don't be discouraged just get busy.

thiemori · Mar 14, 2007, 05:44 AM

Thanks for the response. As I approached ten years of marriage, I began to think that nothing was changing no matter how hard I tried, and I started to think I couldn't go on with my husband anymore. I figured things shouldve been better at this stage of our marriage Then I was instantly swayed by my ex's email. I'm still trying to get my emotions in order, but I'm trying hard.

vlee · Mar 14, 2007, 06:53 PM

Divorce is not a back up plan in case you fall head over heels for someone else. If you get divorced it should NEVER be for the purpose of getting with another guy. Frankly I am shocked that you would consider taking your children around this man that you clearly will not resist for long, if at all. How would you feel if your husband took your kids to meet the woman that was his "soul mate"? If you go anywhere near him, you are asking for trouble. Cut off all contact NOW! Or risk losing your husband, your children, and Mr. Dreamy who may never leave his wife, even if you leave your husband first.

gypsy456 · Mar 15, 2007, 03:56 PM

Unfortunately when two people are having an affair it is never about those two people... the lives of others who did not ask for it are being affected in a damaging way.

There are children involved.
Do they have a choice ?

Who can they ask for advice...

Good luck.

go-ask-mom · Mar 15, 2007, 09:29 PM

Maybe you BOTH should take the time you are using fantasizing/discussing/emailing/phoning this new/old soulmate and put it into your current marriage.

I would suggest some kind of "couples/marriage counseling" where you both can go in and discuss your problems and just maybe you will find that your husband is not worth leaving! Then again, it may bring up all the REAL issues of why you shouldn't be together... THEN and only then, when everythings finalized, would I consider someone else. You two are not being fair to your spouses... and a dull/uninterested marriage can make the mailman seem like a soulmate! ;)

We haven't even got to the kids yet... and they should be PRIORITY ONE!

The best thing a mother can give her children is to LOVE their father... and visa-versa!

Manny_Syd · Mar 15, 2007, 10:33 PM

Hi,

A lot to thing about...

Firstly I recommend that you do this.. Take sometime out.. erase this soul-mate from your mind... and cherish every moment when your husband has made you happy; since he and you said "I DO".. remember your marriage, children, family.. everything around you..

If you have a smile in and somewhat realise that your husband is the world to you.. ask, why is there a need to break over something with your soul mate that may not last even till the next 2 summers..

My Question is: Will you be happy to let go off everything because you have just feelings? And nothing more... remember you are breaking 4 families.. your side(husband and yours).. then your soul mates(His and his wife)...

How will the children live?

If you are troubles in your marriage, then address it.. from my understanding.. I always thought marriage was about a life time commitment or a covenant between husband, wife and God.. How you deal with it, is your choice.. but before you do, you have to address several questions before you break the current.

Love is isn't everything in a marriage, its also about being able to live with the person.. Our hearts can desire things that we don't want or we can't have.. just make sure you don't break your marriage only to find out that it will not work with your soul make also...

All that stress can leave you emotionally depressed.. so bad to the point it can effect your health and cause suicide...

Sorry for being so dramatic, but before you go into this battle.. make sure you are happy with whom you are with…because its going to be a bloody battle.

Best Wishes,

Manny

Grlnxdor35 · Mar 27, 2007, 11:01 AM

Very confusing times for you I imagine. I understand how it feels to meet someone you sense is your soul mate but is unavailable. Been there, done that. It can be very unnerving and painful. For those people who have not experienced it, count yourselves lucky…it is an extremely painful situation…and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Many of the great love stories since the beginning of time recount this kind of situation and they all are filled with anguish and pain.

So what do you do? A simple question with no simple answers. If I were you I would start by working on figuring out what you want for yourself. You don’t have to do anything just yet…just take the time to figure out for yourself what you want your life to be like. Be as honest as you can be about your wishes for yourself. It might be a good idea to find a therapist you can discuss these things with who will provide feedback and support vs. judgment. Once you know what you want out of life (and this could take a while to figure out…some people never come to an answer) you have to decide how you are going to get there. And who will go with you on your journey. You have to make a decision on whether you want to stay married….even if your husband makes changes will it be enough for you? I could preach to you but this is not about judgment it is about truth…your truth…you have to care enough about yourself to put value on your truth and place it first. Yes first. Before anyone else. Staying in a loveless abusive marriage is not good for children…studies have shown this to be true. If caring about your own well being and emotional sanity is selfish…then bring on the selfishness. I personally would advise you to be honest with your husband and tell him EXACTLY how you feel and why. Maybe with the help of a therapist.

Most people who come clean to their spouse usually see major changes occur. This may be enough for you to move forward within your marriage….and it may not be enough. Or you may not see any changes at all. When you get to the point where you have been thoroughly honest with your spouse and he has chosen to react or not react you will be better able to take the next step in an enlightened manner. Always moving towards the life you want for yourself.

So where does the soul mate fit in to the picture. I don’t know. I can’t even answer that question for myself. I will say to you when I ask myself why that person entered my life and what purpose it served I often find myself thinking about all the positive internal and external changes I have made since meeting him. It has been like my eyes have been opened and my senses made alive again….I am not numb anymore and I have him to thank. Will I ever get to experience life with him? Your guess is as good as mine…but have I used the experience as a positive catalyst….absolutely. And no one can stop me from feeling love for him in my heart. And there is nothing wrong with that…don’t let anyone….anyone….tell you it is bad to feel love for another human being no matter who they may be or who you may be. Good luck to you.

irishgirl7561 · Mar 29, 2007, 04:18 PM

WOW! You should read my post in the RELATIONSHIPS forum. I posted similar to this two days ago... mine is titled "Why do I think someone else is my soulmate?" I am curious your thoughts on my situation as well. I think we are in the same painful situation! It doesn't seem fair!

gypsy456 · Mar 29, 2007, 07:28 PM

You have children...

You are thinking of having an affair with a soulmate...

And already about another child...

Would you not rather close the baby factory and make sure that your children -both yours and the ones from your soulmate- get the best ?
They deserve the best... they depend on you...

Instead of thinking of a new baby... focus on the children that did not ask for this situation...

larasue · May 7, 2007, 01:05 PM

I really feel for you. I met someone a few years ago who affected me so much despite the fact that we had a totally professional relationship. We were both married at the time and I couldn't understand why I had met him now. Two weeks later we were separated and I believe that there was something else at play, a higher wisdom. (Maybe this wisdom at play when you tried to get in contact with him a year before you married?)
I have thought about him constantly and could not understand how and why he affected me so. I recently found out that he also thinks about me a lot (not sure if that helps) but that we will never be together (Due to him being unavailable even though I am(available) now). I can understand you wanting that time with him and conceiving a child together BUT you must remember to listen to yourself and your sense of right and wrong (difficult in a bad relationship as we are convinced by others that the lines have been moved)
I too have fantasized about such things but remember his wife is a real person (as are his kids) and you would never be able to live with yourself if you caused such devastation. (and remember what goes around, comes back around,. usually in the worst possible way) Trust me I know it's hard and easier said than done but walk away and try to forget him (I am reminding myself as much as offering advice to you.)

Good luck, I wish there was more I could do.

irishgirl7561 · May 7, 2007, 01:51 PM

Hi, I was a poster with a similar question not long ago on this website. Someone gave me and excellent website address for soulmates. Many people (as I found on this board especially) will be very judgemental with soulmate vs. marriage situations... and many do not understand the soulmate concept. I have learned a lot on this website... and still frequently post there... I suggest you give it a try.

They use the terminology "twin soul"or "TS" as opposed to soulmates because over the years we have learned that we actually have several soulmates with us here (friends, parents, children... etc.) but to have a "twin soul" is to have a connection with one other human being - like no one else. It describes the magnetic pull that you feel toward another person - one that you cannot seem to get away from (no matter how hard you try). There are many books you can also find on the subject (When Two Souls Connect by Steve Gunn is a very good one!! )

Believe me, I am one who completely understands what you are going through. I am also married with children to a good guy (aside from some issues in the marriage) - but my heart has always belonged to another guy. It has been TEN years that I have carried these feelings with me and it became so overwhelming that I eventually contacted him and told him how I felt. The feelings were mutual, but he did not want to break up my marriage so he remained very distant. One year after telling him - I am still married (for fear mostly of divorce, for the children... etc).

I hope that this helps some... you are not alone! Here is the website:

Twinsouls and Soulmates - Message Board - ezboard.com

Matt3046 · May 7, 2007, 02:05 PM

Yes stop, think get a councilor. I personaly don't think it is posible to be "in love" with two people like that at the same time, so there must be more.

aamirali61 · May 7, 2007, 02:17 PM

Well I guess you both are doing fine in your own lifes don't spoil that , I believe its to late to turn back look straight and you will be happy

Regards
AAmir