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Righthearted · May 4, 2007, 02:00 PM

Do they ever make contact/call again? We had something pretty amazing - I don't understand how you can go from calling someone everyday (a few times even) and spending so much time together - down to nothing.

talaniman · May 4, 2007, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Do they ever make contact/call again? We had something pretty amazing - I don't understand how you can go from calling someone everyday (a few times even) and spending so much time together - down to nothing.

Of course you don't understand, but you must give her what she ask for. If you care at all just do it.

gypsy456 · May 4, 2007, 06:31 PM

She asked for time and space...

So give her that...

Geoffersonairplane · May 5, 2007, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Do they ever make contact/call again? We had something pretty amazing - I don't understand how you can go from calling someone everyday (a few times even) and spending so much time together - down to nothing.

Happens a lot.. Happened to me.

Did she call again? No.. And that was after No contact after the initial 4 weeks of me trying to work it out. After a while, you do accept it, I did and I would say it took a good 4 months before the real healing began for me. Everyone goes through this, well the majority I would say. You have my greatest sympathy as I know what this must be putting you through. It is the hardest thing to let someone go when you love them so much but sometimes we must do this because we love them. That is where acceptance comes from where love is concerned. Accepting the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference (as the prayer goes).

At the moment though, I am not suggesting you must let go because it is very early days for you but giving her space and getting busy for now is the best move you can make. Take each day as it comes but be prepared for anything that comes your way. There is a great support network here and I too came here 6 months ago looking for advice and support and there are some great voices here who will help you through this difficult time.

diya · May 5, 2007, 08:28 AM

Sometimes women can be immature and to check on their b/fs if they really love, they ask silly things like leave me alone and stuff... to see if he comes running back... this is not to imply that you start calling her. No. I think you can give her a call and see how she responds. You will gauge from the tone of her voice... and if your gut feel says something's not right, then hun just move ahead not backward... there's so much to do in life... and each one of us is destined to have one good partner in our life, so wait for one... don't hanker or run after things... not healthy at all.

Righthearted · May 5, 2007, 09:20 AM

Not to sound too crazy here and I do know that it's totally irrational -but I drove by her house at 1AM (after hitting the pub w/a friend) and her car wasn't home. And then again this morning and her car still wasn't there?? I know she had to work today so I can't figure out why her car would not have been at home.

Maybe it's really over. Could she have moved on so quickly?

Geoffersonairplane · May 5, 2007, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Not to sound too crazy here and I do know that it's totally irrational -but I drove by her house at 1AM (after hitting the pub w/a friend) and her car wasn't home. and then again this morning and her car still wasn't there?!?! i know she had to work today so i can't figure out why her car would not have been at home.

maybe it's really over. could she have moved on so quickly?

Its best not to over analyse what she is doing right now, there could be a number of reasons her car was not there.

Seriously though, driving past her house at 1 A.M in the morning is not healthy, what if she caught you doing that or someone told her you did that. It would make you look like a stalker, not good. This is exactly the sort of thing that would push her away further and confirm her decision to call it a day.

Give her SPACE!!

Righthearted · May 5, 2007, 03:51 PM

Now I REALLY don't know what to do. My EX calls me and she's sobbing/crying and I ask her if she's OK and she says yes but obviously she isn't. We talk a little small talk - nothing serious about us - and I keep the mood light and make her laugh. She says that she's seen me running and looks down my street when she drives by (we live really close by). Both of us are very guarded during the conversation - I tell her again that I'll always be there for her (perhaps a mistake?) we end our talk when she says "I'll talk to you later on".
Now I don't play games and maybe it's got more to do with chemical makeup of people I don't know - but what does this call mean? Man relationships are brutal. I'm obviously feeling good right now but I've got to keep this in perspective.

Anyone have any ideas? And again thanks to everyone for their input.

Righthearted · May 6, 2007, 08:15 AM

Can anyone help?

sypher373 · May 6, 2007, 08:42 AM

Coming from my personal experience, I wouldn't think too much of it. You don't really know what was going on in her mind, so don't try to guess what she was thinking. Maybe she was upset, and needed a friend to talk to - that's it.

You don't know, and chances are she probably doesn't know what she's doing. Its good that your keeping your good feelings in check, as that can be a brutal letdown.

talaniman · May 6, 2007, 08:46 AM

You have been advised to leave her and her family alone, and that you are so confused, is one of the main reasons that you need to cut the contact. Read other post about breakups, and you will see, that the ones who continue the contact, go through the same confusion you are going through. That's no coincidence my friend, but is what happens when you delay your healing process, and continue to go in circles, because her contacts give you false hope to getting back together. Word to the wise is leave her alone, and be unavailable to her attempts to contact you.

Righthearted · May 6, 2007, 07:45 PM

This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.

Righthearted · May 6, 2007, 07:49 PM

Everyone says NO CONTACT but I love her so much. Everyone's relationships are unique so I'm at a loss - I definitely don't want to fall into the friends category, so now what?
She says she misses me so much but than also talks about remaining friends, is she trying to get back together with me?

talaniman · May 7, 2007, 04:44 AM

Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends?

Hate to tell you she has already put you in the friends category. No she is not trying to get back with you. Until you get over the denial, and work on you this will get worse, No Contact.

ceriphante · May 7, 2007, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

This is from my EX -
I know you are trying to get on with your life.

Also basically says she's not trying to get back with you
My standard reply to a gal saying similar to that would be
'maybe in a few months we can be friends again, right now I need space'

But I'm really really evil so.. just an idea for you :P

Geoffersonairplane · May 7, 2007, 05:43 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

Everyone says NO CONTACT but I love her so much. Everyone's relationships are unique so I'm at a loss - I definitely don't want to fall into the friends category, so now what?
She says she misses me so much but than also talks about remaining friends, is she trying to get back together with me?

Tal is right, you are already in the friends category and are in denial of the situation. This is quite normal to go through this but you must pull away... Its harsh but she is gone and you must now try and accept this and let go...

Is there a chance for you in the future? I can't answer that and nobody can but it is best to eradicate any false hope and instead begin a process of moving on and working on yourself.

I don't think its fair to be too harsh with words with you because you are still in the early stages and I too was very lost 6 months ago. I promise that if you listen to the advice you get here and lean on your friends and family, it will get better. Time does heal, it does take a while but you will get there. You can give yourself a big head start by cutting all contact and I mean ALL CONTACT. Give yourself some breathing space and just let time do the work, give yourself as much time as is required, its no race and will take months to heal. Even then the wounds are more like scars but you will become all the more stronger and see things much more clearly.

Here's a deal, come back to this thread 6 months from now when you will feel much healthier mentally. I mean, come back here anyway between now and then whenever you need to talk but what I mean is, read your thread in 6 months time again and you will see how true everything is.

I hope I have helped.

sypher373 · May 7, 2007, 07:03 AM

I agree with the advice above. If you ask (most) anyone here, their ex's have said something similar soon after the breakup. And of these most were not trying to get back together. It is something you need to be aware of, and not over analyze.

Righthearted · May 7, 2007, 09:45 AM

So why did she contact me in the first place? She was obviously upset and hurting and missed me, what's that all about?

sypher373 · May 7, 2007, 10:57 AM

Missing you and wanting you back are two very different things.

Just beucase she broke up with you doesn't mean she hates you. Its to be expected that she is going to miss having you, but I assure you if you were to get back together just beucase she missed you now, you would break up again...

Righthearted · May 7, 2007, 11:14 AM

So I should just avoid her and any contact she makes with me? What if she does want to get back together and I show that I'm not interested or not there for her.