[mandilynn]

Hello, Everyone! I first posted this question under dating but got little well no posts please help me.

My question is one I have been struggling with for a while now. I have been with my boyfriend Mark for over 3 and half years, granted we started dating my sophomore year of high school we have grown and matured together. I will first quickly summarize our relationship; Mark asked me to a school dance, and to be honest I didn’t want to go with him, I was not attracted to him physically at all, and I had feelings for someone else. Mark was one of my best friends though and I new how much he wanted to go with me. We went to the dance and to my surprise during the last slow dance of the night he looked down and asked if he could give me something... of course with out thinking I happily said sure!! Well a kiss wasn’t what I was expecting... From that moment on he assumed we were meant for each other it took 3 months of relentless attempts to get me to actually be his girlfriend... and again it was out of pity. But he was so good to me, very sweet and honest, needless to say I fell in love with him. Everything was incredible for the first year and a half, until he went to college and we lost our virginity... and I being 2 years younger was stuck in high school. He moved a few hours away and I could only afford to drive and see him maybe once a month. He developed feelings for someone else at school and cheated on me, luckily he never slept with her... he never told me but he lied about his actions after I found a letter he had sent this girl with his despite hopes to be with her... which she rejected. He came crawling back to me.. With much hesitation I took him back but, I still loved him and well you know that how bit. He has been completely faithful since then. But now that we are both away at school we can see each other more we are only an hour apart... but I am the only one with a car he attends a large university where having a car is not needed and expensive. I am the one who has to drive to him whenever we want to each other. And he never wants to come to my place(a large 3 bedroom apartment) even if I pick him up. He would rather stay in his dorm which is no bigger that a child’s bedroom, but it has multiple people residing in it. He expects me to clean his place and do his chores... NEWS FLASH we are not married and even if we were I would make him share the work load. I always have to work around his schedule. And for the past few months he has been really resistant in the bedroom. He has no sex drive. And it is really starting to hurt... I have talked to him about it tried new things and now I am to the point of literally begging and bargaining with him. There just seems to be no level of compromise… Its pushing me away… I guess the biggest fear I have is this, he doesn’t know about our future. In the past before the break up he would talk about marriage, or at least the potential there of. I am not ready for marriage either but I don’t want to stay in this relationship for another 4 years and have no clue where it is headed. He is a Theatre and music major, and well his dreams a little larger than reality … and I know they won't all come true he has no back up plan for a career. I am scared about my future. HELP ME!! Should I get out before it’s too late?

[Clough]

You are both young. There are already problems in your relationship. I would decide what you want out of life before making commitments to another person. Lots of things ahead of you that involve your making choices that will affect the rest of your life. Please decide what you want out of life for you. The rest will happen as far as relationships. But, the important thing is to realize and fulfill the dreams that you may have for your own personal ambitions, talents and things that you want to do. It may just be time to take a break from personal commitments with a man and get your own act together. From what you have described, he definitely needs to get his act together.

Also, please remember that there are lots of fish in the sea. If you get out of this relationship, you will find someone else who has the same values as you do. And, would be willing to share things with as the two of you would like.

A basic law of physics is that water seeks it's own level. It's like that with people too. You may just not have found someone who is on the same level as you. Give yourself time and challenge yourself to be the person you are capable of being.

[talaniman]

So sad when people change, and try to go in different directions, some one is usually left behind. That's life, and you should pursue your own dreams. He will either pursue his own or not. If your not ready for marriage, and have things in life you would like to try first, then do it.

[mandilynn]

Another Large concern of mine is that he is above all things my very best friend... I don't know how I wuld get through life without my best friend and although he has always said our friendship will remain if we break up its just a scary thought?

[gypsy456]

You are still young... and you already sound as if you have been married for a very long time and not in a happy marriage...

You have your whole life ahead of you.
Both of you.


It's life.
It's not you, it's life.
People change.. and at a young age people grow...
And sometimes they grow in different directions...

[Clough]

Your friendship will remain if both of you choose for it to remain. You don't have to lose him as a good friend, or even a best friend. I am friends with a few women who are already married whom I consider to be my closest friends. We just jive as far as our thoughts and ideas are concerned.

Friends are forever. I am still friends with my ex-wife. But, we know that we cannot live together. Our children know that too.

[AW805]

He is sending you so many signals! It's time for you to be the strong person and say that it's over since he won't. Live a long and beautiful life without this deadbeat.

[s_cianci]

This one doesn't sound good. Seems like he's just using you. I'd give this one long and careful consideration before getting more deeply involved.

[justthinking]

Your relationship has run it's course. That's OK. Look back fondly at the good times you've had and now move on. We often stay in relationships LONG after we should because of fear of the unknown. But the unknown can be a beautiful, wonderful place.
Good luck!