[talaniman]

Very evasive answer

[SAB123]

I started thinking more and more what you said tal, and you are exactly right. We are both grown adults, and yet we both are acting like 16 year old high schoolers, and playing the baby games they would play at that age. I do feel different now from what you had posted. And how I feel right now is who cares, get over it and move on.

[talaniman]

Sometimes we do not have the luxury of wring our hands when positive action is needed. We can't let others dictate our lives and leave us fearful of what could happen. Just deal with it. Where the head goes the heart will follow.

[SAB123]

What are the different stages of your emotions when getting dumped. It's been about a week and yes, I have been thinkg of ex but not hurting. Then all of a sudden without any motive I just started missing her so much. One minute I'm happy without her and now I'm angry at her for what she did to me.

[canadianbacon]

I just got dumped a week ago too by my girlfriend. The first week was hell for me, especially because I ran into her at a bar with the "Guy friend that I never had to worry about" and they seemed to be more than friends now. I would say that the first few weeks are going to be pretty rough, depending on how long the relationship was (1.5 years for me) and how the relationship ended. I'm still in the grieving stage, but I'll let you know when I move on. Best of luck, I'm there with you... :(

[chuff]

You go through that back and forth stuff. I think it's the brains way of dealing with the loss. On a logic level their gone and even if it hurts you accept it but then on an emotional level you feel a void. I think that it's wise to make a list of things you can do in the short term to bring you focus to something else. It won't cure it but it will help you focus your attention on other things and as a result the thoughts will become less and less.
Also, I can't recommend exercise enough, it releases endorphins in the brain which make you feel better and it also helps to clear your thoughts.

[SAB123]

The pain in my heart is gone now and I feel secure and confident within myself and getting happier and laughing more every day. I'm even coming out of my safe zone (my house) I can talk to girls and feel confident now to start dating soon. I'm just curoius about why I still think of her it's not really a missing or hurt feeling, but more of the thing of all the fun stuff we all did together. I also now wonder what she does sometimes and if she's thinking of me (but I feel OK when I think like that). And starting to think of what I would be doing this summer if we were still together some fun things we would have done but thinking now how she would boseing me around and the headace she would be giving me everyday. I never been able to get this far with my recovery with all the break ups she did with me. And a lot of people are saying how I'm changing (for the good that is) I guess my question is what part of the healing phase I'm I going through and is normal for their personality to change as time goes on. And is it still normal to feel a little jealous that one day she may be dating again.

[talaniman]

The feelings are quite normal, but you will handle them in a mature healthy way.

[SAB123]

Why? I have been thinking of her, but not as much as before the hurtness that I had inside my heart has been gone for about 2 weeks. But yesterday I had to let it out and cry from thinking of her. And now it seems like hurt is returning again from missing her. Am I going backwards now? I do see her for who she is now. But I still miss her even noing how selfish and hurtful she was toward me. I no I'm emotionally stable not to be friends or if she comes back take her back. So if I still miss her now 3 months later and I don't want her back would I always miss her. Because I would love to block those feelings for ever and I don't know how.

[talaniman]

Not healthy to block feelings, but dealing with them in a healthy way insures that you will overcome them in time. Like we all have to do. Even questioning your own progress is a healthy sign, as it signifies you are aware of those feelings, and dealing with them, but not overconfident, or taking yourself for granted.

[sypher373]

Why? I have been thinking of her, but not as much as before the hurtness that I had inside my heart has been gone for about 2 weeks. But yesterday I had to let it out and cry from thinking of her. And now it seems like hurt is returning again from missing her. Am I going backwards now? I do see her for who she is now. But I still miss her even noing how selfish and hurtful she was toward me. I no I'm emotionally stable not to be friends or if she comes back take her back. So if I still miss her now 3 months later and I don't want her back would I always miss her. Becuase I would love to block those feelings for ever and I don't no how.

Nothing wrong with getting your emotions out a bit. I know now when I start to get upset about my ex at night, I liked to just go for a nice drive with the music on loud. Sometimes the music makes me angry, sometimes it makes me want to cry, but either way, when I get back I feel much better.

[SAB123]

It has been 14 weeks since she broke up with me again and about 4 weeks of NC.The last time she drove past my house was about 2 weeks ago from what I have seen. I still try to keep myself busy, but it seems like the last week I have been missing her more and more.I know she is a golddigger and selfish, but I'm starting to blame myself for why she broke up with me. I thought of stuff that she said and did to hurt me but now I'm thinking of stuff that I did wrong and what I could have done to make this relationship work.

Maybe I should have told her how she was when we were dating/engaged. But it's been over 3 months and I some times hate her so much for breaking up with me but most all the time I miss and still love her very much. Does this still mean I want her back or am I just very lonely and miss being with someone. Or maybe I should start looking for a new best friend.

It's getting better but I still tend to talk about and/or bring my ex up to certain people. My ex fiancé son step brother came over to borrow some tools from me and I didn't want to ask but I did give in and ask if she was dating anyone. He said he didn't no (plus I don't think he would tell me anyway noing how I feel). But why am I still worried about if she seeing someone

I also think negative things about her like I hope she gets fat (which I heard she is :) ) and doesn't ever meet anyone, she goes bankrupt. And she no's I was good to her and her son and I want her to hurt and never get over me as long as she lives. Why if I still miss her am I also thinking negative thoughts about her. I just don't know what to do. Now I'm thinking maybe I want her back and I can not control the way I feel at this point in time.

[chuff]

It has been 14 weeks since she broke up with me again and about 4 weeks of NC.The last time she drove past my house was about 2 weeks ago from what I have seen. I still try to keep myself busy, but it seems like the last week I have been missing her more and more.I know she is a golddigger and selfish, but I'm starting to blame myself for why she broke up with me. I thought of stuff that she said and did to hurt me but now I'm thinking of stuff that I did wrong and what I could have done to make this relationship work.

Stop thinking of everything you did wrong as stuff you did wrong. Instead look at it as learning opportunities for the future. The human brain will always find what's wrong, so force yourself to look beyond that and learn from it. Look for what's right.

Furthermore, blaming yourself lets her off the hook completely. Didn't she have half the blame here. She's not perfect so start reminding yourself of that.

Maybe I should of told her how she was when we were dating/engaged. But it's been over 3 months and I some times hate her so much for breaking up with me but most all the time I miss and still love her very much. Does this still mean I want her back or am I just very lonely and miss being with someone. Or maybe I should start looking for a new best friend.

It means there is a void in your life that was previously there. Going through a break up is exactly like experiencing the death of someone around you. There is a void and it takes time to let it go away.

It's getting better but I still tend to talk about and/or bring my ex up to certain people. My ex fiance son step brother came over to borrow some tools from me and I didn't want to ask but I did give in and ask if she was dating anyone. He said he didn't no (plus I don't think he would tell me anyways noing how I feel). But why am I still worried about if she seeing someone

Your right, he isn't going to tell you anything. Furthermore he's going to run back to her and tell her that your asking about her which is only going to make it look like she can have you at a moments notice.

Ideally, you need to pull away from everybody associated with her for awhile. The first reaction to that kind of thinking is always "why should I punish her friends or family" but the only one your punishing is yourself by sticking around. Your in a strange way emotionally torturing yourself. The only way to stop this is to get away and let the emotions die down so you can think straight again.

I also think negitive things about her like I hope she gets fat (which I heard she is :) ) and doesn't ever meet anyone, she goes bankrupt. And she no's I was good to her and her son and I want her to hurt and never get over me as long as she lives. Why if I still miss her am I also thinking negitive thoughts about her. I just don't no what to do. Now I'm thinking maybe I want her back and I can not control the way I feel at this point in time.

Well the negative thoughts about her are natural. You want revenge and you want to even it out somehow for the emotional damage that has been done. I think this is where so many men lose it after relationships, in that they get these feelings and don't discuss them or distract themselves so eventually they act upon them. So give yourself credit, your at least discussing them and trying to figure them out. That's a huge step and it's one you should be looking at as a positive in your favor and not beating yourself up over.

The human brain is always going to have the negative thoughts. What's negative is always available. You are going to have to cousiously force yourself to start thinking positive to move on faster. That's why I'm always saying to people, learn from the pain. If you learn from the pain, no matter how bad, it gives it meaning and it has a purpose, as opposed to just being in emotional trumoil for months and suffering. If you can learn from your mistakes, and from your successes (because let's be honest, you had some successs in this relationship that your are ignoring which is doing you no service) then you can move forward with an education. Most people do not move forward with and education they just suffer.

Also make a list of things you'd like to do in the short term and work on them. Take a walk for a couple times a day for even just a couple minutes. Just move around a little. If you can take a long walk it really clears up you head.

Overall though I think you keep focusing on the negative which is normal, so start focusing on the positive, and write the positive down if you have to and hang it up so that when you get down, you can remind yourself of the positive. You can control your thoughts if you cousiously try so start doing that and replace those negatives with positives.

[talaniman]

I understand your anger, quite natural, but to wallow in it is very unhealthy. You will never be happy, or find happiness with that kind of thinking at all. Start doing positive things that make you happy, and get off that pity pot. You have the freedom to be whatever you want, and being a negative person should not be an option you should be entertaining right now.

[SAB123]

Need some Encouragement? Its been 3 months since she broke up with me again and for awhile I was doing very good with controlling my emotions and letting go of her. But the past week I have been hurting again and missing her. Well, yesterday I was doing some yard work and she drove past my house again. (It has been probably 2 weeks since she new I saw her drive past. She went out of her way yesterday to drive past my house. Then about a hour 1/2 later her mom drove past (I was sitting down and she was going some what fast then when she got to where I was sitting she slowed down. I did tell her I was putting my house up for sale first week of May when we where talking. (It's been probably 5 weeks of NC)
Is she doing this because she want to come back again or to really see if I'm selling my house. She said I'll believe it when the for sale sign is on it. Her biggest problem with me was that house because she had no part in the process And when I do see her I walk inside house. But yesterday when she caught me off guard she did look my direction the hole time when she did drive by. I No what type of person she is, but deep down inside I still love her and maybe I want her to come back for some reason. I'm thinking only the good time we had together now and how it would feel to hug and kiss her again. I'm afraid if she comes back I may take her back and I don't know why. I feel like she controlling me and my emotions again and it sucks. I read some post on here and their are people 1 to 2 years still hurting after a break up. Will I end up like them, still hurting and thinking of her.

[gypsy456]

If you already know it will not work, then don't even go there.

[SAB123]

To let everyone no I'm putting my house up for sale tomorrow and kind of relieve the major work is finished. But I'm also concerned that know that the house is going up for sale the fireworks will begin with my ex. For the past 3 years this is the one day she always told me she couldn't wait for. Too sell that damn house. She no's I'll get a good chunk of change for my house. So I guess the next couple of weeks if she want's to get me back again she'll make it known. If she does I just hope it's by e-mail or calls I can handle not answering or responding to her. But my heart is not fully healed and I still miss and love herand her son very much. And if she comes to my house and starts crying for me I'm afraid I'll buckle like I always did when she came back. I just can't wait to sell house now and start a brand new life for myself. And with her and her mom driving buy more often I think she is missing me and wants me back again, I think she is just waiting for the house to go up for sale. And I do know my ex very good and this is something she would do. But only time will tell.

[talaniman]

Trying to understand how you can be weak for a golddigger, that is just waiting on your money?

[SAB123]

You make a very excellent point right their tal. I guess I'm not think with my head just my heart.

[emopunk7]

Please stop thinking and hoping. Watch a football game tonight or something. Don't think about her. I know it's hard but she broke up with you 5 TIMES! Enough is enough. One break is all it should take. Move on. You deserve better. Can u imagine making her wait 3 months? It would hurt you to know she is hurting, but apparently she doesn't care if you are hurting. If someone can go as much as a week from not hearing from you or caring how you are doing, imagine 5 weeks and it being done 5 times. ENOUGH!! Stop torturing yourself. You will find better. Especially that you are selling the house, have money and are somewhat happy of what will come, then enjoy that! Let this be your own time. You're an adult and you should celebrate on your own terms and give this moment to yourself. Congrats! You just need to enjoy this one with your friends or yourself. Don't think about her. Love is blind. Please... We all go through these times... We may be strangers but as humans I guess this world still has a lot of love and we want what is best for you. We know the pain and the best thing to do is move on. Moving on means to forget about her and look forward to new and exciting things. I wish I can shrink into your blood cells and be the cure you need. Good luck!