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Randall1134 · May 3, 2007, 02:50 PM

I want to do no contact with my spouse me and my wife have kids and I really want to do no contact but we have kids need help please been 4 months without wife

NeedKarma · May 3, 2007, 03:22 PM

So she's your wife or ex-wife?

Randall1134 · May 3, 2007, 05:04 PM

She is my wife still but we are separated and I'm trying to do no contact but very hard to with kids

1badchoice · May 3, 2007, 05:15 PM

Is it the (ex) wife your to have no contact with? Some states offer mediation, places you can drop kids and half hour later other parent picks kids up. How old are the kids? Do you have someone who can be the go between to keep communication open? What type of visitation do you have set up? Talk to your attorney, or get one. You have to follow the order especially if you want to get rights to your kids. However, you have rights to information and visitation... talk with kids school, doctors, relatives who can give info. Good luck. Cathy

tawnynkids · May 4, 2007, 12:24 AM

What exactly do you mean you want to do no contact? Try to explain a little more please.

Krs · May 4, 2007, 12:25 AM

Yes more info , especially if you wish us to try rectify this situation!

Randall1134 · May 5, 2007, 05:17 PM

Wife wants space and I want to give her that but we have kids and she always fights with me I want to save the marrige very much please help I need ideas please

Randall1134 · May 5, 2007, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by Krs

Yes more info , especially if you wish us to try rectify this situation!

Want to save marrige but wife wants space and always uses the devorce card on me when she is mad and I have a hard time with no contact with here because she will call and we have kids together please help been 4 months and she has not said that see loves me in 4 months in limbo

tawnynkids · May 5, 2007, 05:22 PM

As in she does not live with you and your children? Or she just doesn't want you to bother her but you do still live together? Ans why does she feel she feel she needs space? What are her reasons?

Randall1134 · May 5, 2007, 05:35 PM

We are still married and I want to save the marrige one marrige counciler said there is only one thing that I can do and that is to give her space and no contact rule but very hard she keeps calling and fighting with me and we have kids together I want the marrige to work out she says one minute I do not want to be your wife and the next she says in tell she is 100% sure she can not be with anyone and I tell her have a nice life and hope she finds what she wants and she than says it does not mean I won't find it with you need help in limbo thank you

Randall1134 · May 5, 2007, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by tawnynkids

As in she does not live with you and your children? Or she just doesn't want you to bother her but you do still live together? Ans why does she feel she feel she needs space? What are her reasons?

Still married but separated living apart all she says I need space she has had 4 months of space what can I do want to save marrige need ideas please

Randall1134 · May 5, 2007, 06:46 PM

How to get back my wife that has separated from me been four months and one minute she says she want a devorce and the next she says intell I know 100%what I want I can not be with anyone we have kids I want to save marrige need ideas please

Clough · May 5, 2007, 08:17 PM

Have you tried marriage counseling with someone together? If you haven't, you might like to give it a try. If you have, and maybe have not continued to go because of the separation, then I would continue to go by yourself, so that you can get the good advice from a professional that is up-to-date as to what is happening in your relationship.

Sounds like she has some issues of her own to work out if she is undecided about what she wants.

Always act in the light of Love when speaking with her. Be conscientious of her needs and wants. When you are married, and want the marriage to last, decisions need to be made on the basis of "we" not "me."

Clough · May 5, 2007, 08:26 PM

Just some thoughts from a great Book, The Holy Bible. Good advise for anyone in a love relationship no matter what their beliefs are about why we are here.

“Love is patient; love is kind
And envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
Never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith,
Its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
That last forever: faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.”

fix-what-you-broke · May 6, 2007, 06:39 AM

I guess it depends on what caused you to break up in the first place, more details would be good..

Randall1134 · May 6, 2007, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by fix-what-you-broke

i guess it depends on what caused you to break up in the first place, more details would be good..

Because of money and lak of romanance and intimacy and fighting and her parents and friend said it would be a good idea to separate with me and now I correcting what I need and changing but wife will not go to counciling and want her space

talaniman · May 6, 2007, 02:07 PM

You can be civil and still see your kids. For now leave the relationship out of the conversation, and just be with your kids as regularly as possible. Continue with the counseling, and do the best you can to be healthy. Concentrate on being a good father.

s_cianci · May 6, 2007, 02:13 PM

It's a little hard to give you a helpful response without some more information. Why are you and your wife split up? Who has the kids at the moment and how old are they? The rules regarding "no contact" that you've gleaned from this site and/or links to related literature apply primarily to single people. It's a slightly different ballgame when you're married. Although giving your spouse some space might strengthen your cause, you've got a lot of additional issues to deal with that unmarried people don't, not the least of which is your kids. You say you've been without your wife for 4 months. Have you had no contact with her all this time? What about your kids? Like I said, without more information about your situation it's hard to respond but I think that in the case of a married couple with kids, when one (and possibly both) partners want a reconciliation, honest and open communication are far more helpful than no contact.

tawnynkids · May 6, 2007, 02:21 PM

You can try your heart out and it's painful to hear that someone is trying so hard to mend things and wants so desperately to make it work when someone else doesn't. I am very sorry for your pain. I agree with above counseling would really be the best but if she is refusing to work with you in any way... you need to do just what she says... give her space. You won't be able to dictate how long that will be.

We simply can't make someone love us or want to be with us. It is impossible.

I am not sure you are going to find the list of steps that you think will make this happen for you. It may be best for yourself and your children to do what you can do, and that might be get counseling for yourself and stay as strong as you can for those kids, be the best dad you can be, and improve the things within yourself you feel you need to. I wish you the best.