[margarita_momma]

Hi Everyone,

I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot at the moment. My husband and I are in the middle of a divorce. It should be final in about 20 days. We were married for about 4 years before things started bad. I told him I wanted out and he went crazy. He ran out and got a restraining order against me, called me a bad mother and said I didn't take care of our son, that I had a prescription drug problem (which I'm not and never have been) and that he thought I was having an affair. All of this came out of him just by me saying I wasn't happy and that I wanted a divorce. He made up all these lies to try and get custody of our son and now wants to try and work things out. I told him I think there is way too much damage that has been done and that I didn't think there was anything worth saving. The last 2 months have been really hard. All we have been doing is fighting back and forth with lawyers and restraining orders. Part of me wants it all just to be over so we can both move on with our lives, but then part of me wants to see if there is anything left. We do have a 2 year old son together that we both adore and I don't want to make things hard on him. I told him I wanted to get the divorce settled before we even thought about trying to talk as a couple again. I told him if things didn't work out and we end up hating each other even more that at least we would be divorced and wouldn't have to worry about going through that stuff again. I just don't know what to do. I want to stay around so my son can see his father but then again I just want to get away from all the drama. Any advice would be helpful. :(

[talaniman]

This is a no brainer, given your history together as in your other posts, Get a way from this drama and find peace and happiness for the sake of you and your son. Good Luck and have no regrets

[J_9]

I would also suggest, and it may sound silly, but if your ex likes to make up lies about you, such as the prescription drugs, then maybe you should change your nic here to something other than margarita momma. If he's as psycho as you make him out to be and he stumbles upon this nickname, then he may make up some fallacies about you and margaritas to go along with the prescription drugs. (just a thought).

[margarita_momma]

I wish I could just get away from all the drama but I feel like I'm stuck in it. I realized after my soon to be ex husband and I split up that I was going to be financially broke and not be able to support my child on the amount I make and the amount I would get in child support. My ex makes twice as much as I do and has his parents as daycare during the day. He also gets the house because he had it before we were married. So all I am stuck with is bills out the a** and a car I can't afford. He is more than likely going to get custody of our son so this is why I am stuck.

[RubyPitbull]

Hello again Margarita Momma. From your previous posts, I gathered that it wasn't just a matter of you waking up one day and asking for a divorce. From what you stated earlier, your husband's controlling nature has been like this for a long time, not after four years of marriage as you have just stated. It was why you wanted to get out of the marriage in the first place when you first showed up on this forum. He was questioning your every move. Am I remembering incorrectly? Please let me know if I'm not.

I understand your wanting to finalize this. Please don't second guess yourself now and suddenly rewrite history. I know this has been a very difficult and rocky road for you but you are near the home stretch. If you choose to try dating each other again, that is great. But, it needs to be after your divorce is finalized, as you have stated you feel it should be. You are right on the money with that. If you back down now, all of what he has put you through will have been for nothing. Do you think he can just change his controlling and abusive ways without going for counseling? I know you tried at one point. He didn't stick to it from what I remember. He needs to recognize that his behavior is abusive and he needs to work on correcting that before he can truly be a good husband to you. Calling you a drug addict and trying to prove you are an unfit mother during this divorce is inexcusable, and shows me that he is a long way off from bettering himself. Suddenly changing his tactic now, by being nice to you, after being so verbally abusive and accusing you of things that you never did, isn't going to change the man who he truly is. He is doing anything and everything to maintain his control over you.

Everyone who goes through a divorce has remorse at some point. It is hard. Especially when children are involved. But believe me, it is better for your son not to witness your husband verbally abusing you as he has. As someone who grew up with parents who stayed together for the sake of the children, I can tell you that I wished they had split years before they did. I was raised in a household in which you could cut the tension with a knife. There wasn't any love between my parents, just arguments, accusations, and resentment. As I grew older, they took it out on me and my siblings. Don't place your son in a scenario that might possibly turn out that way too.

You are mourning the end of your marriage. That is so normal. But, don't put yourself in a position which you might regret later because you are suddenly second guessing yourself. Go with that gut feeling that you had before. I hope this helped.

[RubyPitbull]

I just saw the other posts and your post, after I posted what I wrote. Staying with your husband solely for financial reasons is a very, very bad idea. You will be giving in to him again and you will find yourself back in the same position you were in before you decided to divorce him. Okay, you have bills. Find a way to tighten your belt. Do without certain things. Figure out how to budget your expenses properly. You will find that you can do it with a little effort and creativity. AND, you will be much happier in the long run when you realize that you are living in a calm environment, without the emotional abuse you have been subjected to.