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Nanny1234 · Apr 25, 2007, 08:58 PM

THIS IS A VERY LONG STORY... but I would greatly appreciate it if you would take the time to answer!

I'm wondering how I can go about getting custody of my 10 year old granddaughter.

Recently, Kelsey has expressed to me that she doesn't like her house and she wants to come live with me. She broke down in tears at my house because she said her parents were doing "bad things", they fought constantly, and she hated living in their small travel trailer. I agree with her, because I am not stupid and I know her parents are addicted to drugs and they don't care about the well-being of their child. They have 8 children between the two of them and they only have custody of the youngest, which is Kelsey.

Her parents agreed that it would be a good idea for Kelsey to come and stay with me. Since then, her grades have went up tremendously and she says she's never been happier. She also continued to have contact with her parents and they insisted she come stay with them on the weekends.

Sunday night she informed me that her mother took her out all night to some guys house that, in her words, "looked trashy and mean". She said him and her mother were locked in the bathroom all night and she sat there all by herself. She also said that they were smoking "white marijuana". This incident really set it off for me. Although I didn't express it around her, I told my husband that I will not allow her back over there. I will not tolerate the use of drugs.

Kelsey's parents took off to New Mexico this morning, without even telling her bye. I got a phone call from a pay phone telling me they were leaving and they would be back to get her when school let out for the summer.

I broke the news to Kelsey this afternoon and she was very distraught. She told me that she refuses to leave with them this summer and she never wants to see them again. She asked me if she could stay with me forever.

I would like to know how I can go about adopting her. Do I go to CPS first? How long does this process take? Do they need the location of her parents (because they haven't called since they left and I don't even know what city they are in)? Will I run into problems?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

LuvMyMaltipoo · Apr 25, 2007, 09:21 PM

What do the parents say? Are they willing to just sign over rights or do you think there's going to be trouble?

Nanny1234 · Apr 25, 2007, 09:24 PM

The parents won't admit to me that they are on drugs, but I can tell from there actions, teeth, and environment. They don't feel there's a problem and I know they will be back this summer to get her if I don't do something quick. See, it's easier to get food stamps if they have a kid with them and that's what they use her for. I know they won't sign away her rights.

Nanny1234 · Apr 27, 2007, 09:40 PM

I'm still needing help with this situation. If I could get any advice at all I would really appreciate it!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 27, 2007, 09:48 PM

You choice is to sue in court for custody and try and prove they are bad parents, it will of course require your granddaughter testifying against her parents ( which will really go bad if you loose)
And I have seen drug adicts win and keep custody of their children if they were still OK parents, not good but not bad.

Perhaps, they can keep legal custody and just claim her, but allow her to stay with you, normally the welfare people only want a copy of the child's birth record, and social security card, and don't actually check to see if the child is really living with you. ** they are most likely claiming her to be with them, now anyway.

grammadidi · Apr 27, 2007, 10:30 PM

First of all, I know how difficult this is for you. I have been raising my 16 year old granddaughter since she was 4. These types of situations have to be handled very carefully - especially with parents like this. If you approach it the wrong way, they could remove your granddaughter from your care entirely. That could be disastrous for her.

First of all, if you are in the United States I would suggest that you visit GrandsPlace which will be a great source of advice, support and information. They have Legal Resources and information and I know Kathy is very knowledgeable. There are also Message Boards and a chat room. Please give them a try.

I do believe that you need legal assistance as soon as possible, hopefully someone who is familiar with these types of cases. I feel that for right now, the most important thing is to not alienate the parents, or it could have repurcussions with your granddaughter. I have owned a Grandparent's support group for Candian grandparents (and another one for grandkids being raised by their grandparents) for about 6 years, so if you need any other suggestions, please feel free to ask.

You are NOT alone and there ARE resources out there for you and your granddaughter.

Hope this helps in some way.

Love, Didi

Nanny1234 · Apr 27, 2007, 10:53 PM

Thanks for the advice.

I certainly don't want to alienate the parents, but since they skipped town to New Mexico (3 days ago) I haven't heard from them... probably because before they left they broke into our storage room and stole a bunch of stuff.

They told my other daughter that they would be back when school lets out for the summer to get her no matter what. My daughter told Kelsey this and she was extremely upset. She told me she doesn't want to go and if they come to get her she will call 911 and tell them that her parents do bad things. I do not want a big scene. I without a doubt want custody of her, but I don't want Kelsey to have to witness her parents being angry about the situation.

Thank you very much gramma for the web address, I will head there right now.

If you have any other advice I'll accept it as well!

s_cianci · May 6, 2007, 03:22 PM

Contact an attorney immediately. I wouldn't go the CPS route first unless your attorney advises it. CPS may put Kelsey in "temporary" foster care which would only make things all the more difficult for you.