[niniback]

I broke up with my ex (1 year re/ship) about a week ago and I was the dumper because he cheated on me with his past lover of 6 yrs. I wasn't sure if their re/ship was really over or I was just a pastime to forget about his ex. It doesn't matter now... it is over.

Now...

He wants to try again... fresh start...

I asked him, "How do we start over?"

He said, "Well, I will be faithful to you and completely stop any communication I have with my ex."

I told him, "It's not that easy. I have "zero" trust in you and it will take some time before that trust is at full strength. We used to call each other everyhour to see if the other person is ok. But NOW...when you call me...I wont be around because I have experienced Freedom. And the first thing that will pop in your mind is I am out there with someone else even though you want to think positive."

I added, "I think it is best the we give each other time to think if we really want to be with one another. I know I have qualities that your ex doesnt have and vice versa but you cannot be jumping boats back and forth if one is having engine problems."

I am not a mean person but I hope I did the right thing. It was very painful losing someone that you adore and have placed so high on the pedestal. I guess fear also plays a part. What if one day we get into a fight.. then what... he goes back to the ex... again and again.. and again?

I found out recently that he has a tendency of breaking up with the ex and making up over and over.. more like over 7 times. I don't think I can be with someone like that. I wish he will realize one day that things will not get better with the ex and that he is just coming back to where they left off... in a rut.

As much as possible, I try not to hurt him but the ex did... many times. And maybe that's how he sees 'love'. "You hurt me because you love me". Maybe that's why he wants a second chance, because now... I am doing the 'hurting' by dumping him.

I feel good just writing this... maybe someone has experienced something similar to this. How did you handle it?

[Secret_J]

He cheated on you, a mistake the he made and now he is in regret because he knows how much he screwed up. You know the saying "you never know how much someone means to you until you lose them." Well it's true in your situation.

I believe in second chances and you will never really know what your outcome of your relationship will be unless you do give it another try. I do however agree with giving it more time before jumping back. Who knows you after thinking things more through, you may not even want him back at all or if you result in getting back with him, he might change and your relationship could turn out better than ever before. But make sure both of you talk about expectations and make it clear that trust can't just come back overnight. And it would be wise to get back into it slowly than rushing in.

Looks like you are smart gal so trust in your instincts. Do what you want to do what you feel is right. Good luck with everything.