[chezman]

My wife recently left our home because her daughter (my step daughter) does not like me. I believe she does not like me because I discovered her acts of promicous. Her mother stated that the tension in the house for a over year , her daughter not speaking to me was overwhelming. Her daughter told her she was not happy in our home, so Her mother decided to move out into a small apartment hoping her daughter(16) will be happy. THis departure has made the other two children and I miserable. She states her daughter comes first and doesn't want to hear it. She did state that maybe this relationship needs this to survive. My wife is currently on PRozac because of frequent depression. She is a woman that cannot handle pressure. We are all hurt and wonder if there is a chance of reconciliation. W had a dream home and lived very well, now we are all in misery and devastated over the breakup. Does any one have any recommnedations? Is there reconciliation? Or is this relationship over? She states that she still loves me but wants to be alone for right now.. . please help.. . Alone and confused.

[dwalex]

This is a bad situation. The fact that she has stated that her daughter comes first; before the marriage and the family as a whole suggests a very unhealthy relationship between your wife and step daughter. It is pretty clear that appropriate boundaries are not in place and that your wife did not enter the marriage with the commitment she should have had. You cannot stay in limbo forever but you do love her and I hope you take the marrital vows seriously, so you should put effort into recconciliation. Seek out an experienced marrital and family counselor (trust me, this situation merits this step) and get the information about services and times and go to your wife. Insist that she go to counseling with you. If she refuses, then go yourself to get guidance on how to disolve the relationship with the least harm to your other children. This sounds blunt, but this situation will get worse if everything sits in limbo, some sort of resolution is in order. By going the route I suggest, you will have done your part and your wife will have to make a choice. Once she does, you will know how to proceed next. No matter what you do, do not allow this 16 year old to control your life, its not good for anyone.

Best wishes,
dwalex

[schuylervj]

Your wife has made herself a victim of her daughter's control and her spoiled, selfish behavior. She has sacrificed her own happiness, as well as yours and your children's, all for the sake of a tyrannical, spoiled, (she, the daughter, obviously decided she can't live with anyone who defies her in any way or tried to instill some boundaries/discipline into her life) self-centered girl. Your wife is the author of all of this unneccasry misery; she has spoiled her daughter to a dangerous point, which is very bad for the girl, because she will learn very quickly that the world will not revolve around her or bow to her demands, factors which her mother has led her to believe will always be in place for her. You wife is on Prozac because she cannot handle the Frankenstein she created. Unfortunately, she has also taken you and your children along for this unpleasant ride. You are going to need to issue an ultimatum: Her daughter or you and your children. She cannot have it both ways. This is unfair not only to you but to your children, and it is not helping her daughter at all, by giving ijn to her selfish demands all the time. You can offer one chance at reconciliation: The entire family going to a professional therapist. That is your only chance... and hers.