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Annmarie963 · Apr 21, 2007, 10:05 AM

My husband is 50 years old. He has been unable to climax (ejaculate) for about 2 months.
He has been drinking a lot of liquor and takes at least 5 darvacet a day. Is his inability to climax due to the substance abuse or can it be due to an affair he is having and feels guilty? Please email the answer ASAP is it causing a lot of problem. AS I do not know what to do. Thank you

Annmarie

J_9 · Apr 21, 2007, 10:40 AM

I am sorry you are having this problem. Is he actually having an affair? If not, then it would most likely have to do with his substance abuse. This is a common symptom of intoxication of drugs and/or alcohol.

How long has been drinking excessively? How long has he been taking the darvocet? Was he injured and became addicted?

But, sadly yes, the inability to reach ejaculation can most likely be caused by his drinking.

Annmarie963 · Apr 21, 2007, 05:39 PM

I don't know if he is having an affair. I heard him talking to a woman in the basement. He was saying thinks a married man would not say to another woman. He knows her for a few months. I don't know if its just an on line thing or that he knows her from work.

He has been excessively drinking for about 2 or 3 months. He never was a drinker.
He has taken the darvocet for his arthritis for years. He has not had arthritis for 2 years now and takes the darvocet for head aches but he take about 5 at a time. He claims he is used to them and he needs more for them work.

J_9 · Apr 21, 2007, 06:25 PM

First about the arthritis... understand that it NEVER goes away. Arthritis is a disease that has no cure and never gets any better.

Now, I am not making excuses for him, I am just trying to help you understand that a little better.

I think you need to talk to him about this woman and his drinking.

Also, he should NEVER be taking 5 darvocet at a time. It sounds as though he may have an addiction to narcotics too.

Annmarie963 · Apr 21, 2007, 07:08 PM

He had bariatric surgery and the weight loss made a dramatic change in the arthritis.

I talked to him about the woman and he said he doesn't have a girlfriend and what I heard was wrong and taken out of context. I heard his say to her I love you and other things. He said I am wrong in my thinking.

I did tell him he was addicted to the darvocet but he claims he isn't... I am so lost you have no idea.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 21, 2007, 07:18 PM

Normally men who cheat don't have much guilt unless they are caught and normally havve little trouble with wife, girlfriend and the girl he is cheating on both of them with.

But men who drink often have trouble with sexual performance, and the drug issue can really be one. ( it sounds like a drug addiction to me also)
And a drug addict does not believe they are, you should say something to his doctor about his abuse.

J_9 · Apr 22, 2007, 05:56 AM

I agree with everything Chuck said. First of all, he is not going to admit that he is cheating. You did not take him saying "I love you" to another woman out of context, he is just trying to manipulate you.

Addicts are very manipulative people.

You do indeed need to talk to his doctor about his darvocet abuse. If the doctor keeps prescribing it he is enabling your husband's addiction. Also, you may want to talk to the pharmacy where he gets his meds filled. This needs to stop as narcotics (darvocet is in the narcotic family) and alcohol can be a deadly mix.

Please contact his doctor and/or pharmacist tomorrow.

Annmarie963 · Apr 22, 2007, 07:29 AM

I called his doctor and told him he was very depressed. He was talking suicide. He making things unbarable. The doctor gave him Celexa. My husband found out that I called the doctor and has a fit. He said not he's embarrassed to go to the doctor that he has been seeing for 10 years anymore.
We have had troubles in the past. We moved into a new house in Sept. that he loves and we were getting along very well. Until a few months ago. He said we have been togather since we were 16 I need space. I never stopped him from doing anything. He stayed in his basement and played his music or practiced his bass guitar. What ever he did down there I never bothered him. Maybe I would go down for a few minutes to tell him something to to see him but never told him not to stay down there.
He would go out to play poker. I didn't stop him. Now he doesn't want to tell me anyhthing.
He doesn't want me in the basement. He thinks I am going down there to spy on him. Part of that is true. Lately. I wanted to see who he was talking to. Why is he acting like this.

He started drinking a lot. He was never a drinker. He told me his head is sooo F'd up. So I told him to go to a councelor and talk things out. So he did. I found out that the councelor he went to he called her at her home. She told him to come over. She opened the door in her robe and took him on her back deck and had strawberries and bananas with whipped cream sitting on the table. I heard him tell this girl he talks to. He said all they did was talk. Now tell me what kind of councelor did he go to?
I am not stupid. I told him I heard him tell the girl about that and asked him if she was a sexual councelor and he said omg no... This morning we got up togather had breakfast had coffee on the deck and were like back to normal. I have mentioned to him he has a problem with the drinking and darvocet. He said he doesn't. I do know he doesn't take the darvocet everyday. I took them into my bedroom to see if he does take them everyday and he didn't take them at all yesterday. I don't proclaim to be an angel. He said I didn't give him things he needed sometimes. And he is right. But he has a very sharp tongue
When he would say nasty things to me it would make me shy away from him.
OMG I am sorry this is becoming a novel. I don't want a divorce. I just don't know what to do anymore. My son says kick him out. I don't want to do that. Thank you for all your advice.