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helpme48 · May 25, 2016, 01:49 PM

There is this guy I have been friends with for 3 years. He turned 17 this year and I turn 19 in August. We met at youth group 4 years ago. We became good friends when we were on a trip, and on the way home the 2 of us talked alone on the 1 hour ferry ride. During that time he invited me to a different youth group he goes to and I went and he introduced me to everyone. Then a few weeks later after that youth group, everyone went to a fast food place. I was the last person in line and he was one of the first, and he waited for me and we sat at the edge of the group and talked. He got his friends to leave us alone for the most part and we have hung out at youth group and messaged each other since.

Now fast forwards to last year. He had a girlfriend a year younger then him for a few months, and he introduced her to me, she was friendly. Then the third time and last time I saw her was at a youth group new years party and she was very friendly to me acting like we were best friends, and at midnight he kissed her. Then don't know what happened but they stopped dating shortly after that and I never became friends with her and that is when I realized I liked him as more then just a friend.

Now this year we are both leaders for a middle school youth group, and attend the youth group we met at, and this year on the youth group trip, we sat near each other and talked on the bus. When we split into groups he asked me where I was going and went with the same group. On the way home from the trip we ate dinner sitting at the same table just us talking, but when the other youth group kids tease us about liking each other he gets annoyed/mad at them.

He is not my only guy friend but he is the one I talk to the most, and I have liked him as more then a friend for like a year now, but I have not said anything to him because I don't know if he feels the same way, and the age gap between us. So I have been trying to hang out/ talk to him as often as I can. Also I have never had a boyfriend, been on a date or had my first kiss and he has had a girlfriend before.

CravenMorhead · May 25, 2016, 02:04 PM

Two years is nothing in the scope of things. That isn't a concern.

As to what is going on between you and him... I honestly couldn't tell you. A lot of it is the 'random Teen Angst' that just kind of happens with Teenagers. I think one of you need to get the courage to ask the other out or at least talk to the other. At this point I think it should be you. You're interested in him and if you just wait until he gets interested in you or the courage to ask you out then you might miss out on something special. I think you just need to bite the bullet and talk to him. Let him know how you feel and figure out if it is mutual.

The only warning I have is that this could damage your friendship if the feelings aren't reciprocated.

Good Luck

helpme48 · May 25, 2016, 02:29 PM

I know 2 years isn't that big of an age gap but I grad last year ( working this year,going to local collage full-time next year) and he is in grade 11 this year. Also I have never dated and he has. As for the risks we both are leaders to a middle school youth group that is short on leaders so if he didn't feel the same way I would still have to see him at least 2 times a week and I don't want to lose him as a friend ( he is my best guy friend). How do I let him know how I feel about him without making things awkward between us.

smoothy · May 25, 2016, 02:47 PM

Personally I think the two years between 17 and 19 is a huge gap... He still has a high-school kid mindset (its nothing he can help at this point)... and guys mature slower than gals do. 5 years from now its not going to be as big a deal as it is now, 10 years from now it won't make any...but right now there is massive differences in maturation levels both intellectually and emotionally. Everyone undergoes HUGE changes at this point in life. Many times in a direction different than up to that point.

When you start college you are going to see how big of a difference this really is right now. My personal advice... really good friends are a lot harder to find than romantic interests... I'd keep him as a friend and do your dating elsewhere.

talaniman · May 25, 2016, 09:13 PM

Why complicate a good friendship, since he doesn't seem quite ready, or in a hurry to get another girlfriend right now it seems. Maybe because you will be in college very soon he doesn't want to get in too deep.

However it seem to me though that with all the talking and hanging out, the subject of more than friends hasn't come up, and no doubt your curiosity about his feelings, and maybe high hopes are driving this on your part. Seems natural that you would want to know, so ask him about it and see what happens.

It's also natural for teens to be afraid and unsure sometimes on how to deal with situations and feelings sparked by others. I say the best way to learn how to deal with both is take a chance.

Homegirl 50 · May 25, 2016, 09:26 PM

I think you want a boy friend and you're comfortable with him. I don't think he is at the stage you are. There is too much potential for drama if things don't work and there is a big difference between a 19 year old girl and a 17 year old boy.
Keep the friendship.
A guy for you will come along.

Alty · May 25, 2016, 10:55 PM

He dated a girl, introduced you to her, while all this supposed romance was happening in your head. A guy doesn't introduce his girlfriend to a girl he's romantically interested in. Ever!

Sounds like he thinks of you as a good friend, and nothing but a good friend. But that's just my take on it based on what you wrote.

Only he knows how he feels and if he wants to make it more than friendship. But from the sounds of it, based on your post, he sees you as a very good friend, and at 17 and 19, if you date, you risk losing that friendship because you more than likely won't stay together as a romantic couple. You're very unlikely to fall in love and marry the first boy you date.

Having said that, I met my husband when we were both 19 and we've been together since. We're both 45 years old now, married for 21 years. But we're not the norm by any means, and also, we had boyfriends and girlfriends, before we dated each other. We had life experience before we got together, and that can make a world of difference.

If he decided he was interested in you as a girlfriend, he would be you first boyfriend and you would be his second girlfriend, and he's only 17 years old. He has a whole lot of life and experience left to live before he settles down with one person.

My advice, if you like him as more than a friend, and he likes you the same way, wait until you're both older. If it's real it will wait, even through girlfriends and boyfriends and other things. If it's real, give it time until you're both mature enough to handle more than a friendship. If you do it now you may end up losing everything, even the friendship.

I speak from experience here.