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armyof1 · Oct 12, 2015, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Well good. Now I feel less creeped out. Maybe she has most of the issues, but you both would know that if you slowed things way the heck down. When a relationship is rushed the chances go up that there will be a crash and burn in the future and probably the near future. And if you think about it, it makes sense to get to know the true person first before making a commitment to that person. Just remember when you meet someone and go out with them, you are going out with an actor in the beginning. People including you and I don't let their guard down until we have known them awhile.

I agree. Also, simple communication would have solved this you know?
I mean she gave me NO hint or signs she needed space. If she cared for me and liked me like she said and thought things were moving too fast. She could have said "Hey, I like you and enjoy spending time with you, but lets slow things down" Or something a long those lines. Problem solved. Not "I need space"

Oliver2011 · Oct 12, 2015, 12:30 PM

"Not "I need space"" - Well yes and no. It's not what you wanted to hear. But take it from a space needer like me, when we want space the only thing we want is space and we will find that space to make ourselves feel better. But more importantly slow things down and get to know each other. You are still in the honeymoon dating stage.

armyof1 · Oct 12, 2015, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

"Not "I need space"" - Well yes and no. It's not what you wanted to hear. But take it from a space needer like me, when we want space the only thing we want is space and we will find that space to make ourselves feel better. But more importantly slow things down and get to know each other. You are still in the honeymoon dating stage.

Yeah, thanks for all of the advice. I just don't think I'll ever hear from her again.
This Saturday is my birthday so we'll see if she reaches out and wishes me a happy birthday.

armyof1 · Oct 12, 2015, 02:18 PM

UPDATE: She lied about helping her friends mom clean up on Saturday. She text me at 6pm on Saturday and said "I've literally been cleaning all day. I'm exhausted.
I just saw pics her girlfriend posted of the 2 of them. They were in NY all day.
Why would she lie about hanging out with her girlfriend?

smoothy · Oct 12, 2015, 03:44 PM

You haven't even been going out for a month yet. She is more than entitled to go wherever she wants... sure she could have been honest about it but after only a few weeks dating... that is a bit much to expect. Perhaps she feels like you are getting too clingy this soon. Clingy or needy PARTICULRLY with guys send the other person running in many cases. Thats not terribly endearing with females...even less so among guys. (I see this because you are getting awful panicky way too soon here, after a few weeks its hardly a relationship yet) On the other hand...maybe she just saw it as too much too fast. Either way "space" is one way to put on the brakes.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2015, 05:25 PM

Just me I wouldn't be so fired up about a relationship with a stranger no matter how good her making out was, or how much fun a few encounters went. Heck to be honest, she hasn't even proven to be a good friend yet, and she did tell you already she is a lousy communicator, so what's the big deal here?

Pity all those juices stirred up for nothing, but after only a month since the last romance disaster, you should have been a lot more cautious rather than jumping in so fast and getting carried away a bit. That's no way to find a girlfriend, not for the long term anyway. Hopefully you learned something. Like never give your heart to someone that hasn't proven they know what to do with it.

Maybe you get another date with her, maybe you don't, no big deal, because you found her, you can find others. Maybe you make a friend. That takes more time. Word to the wise, stop the social media stalking and making assumptions. What did you expect, pictures of mops and brooms? Let all that insecure crap go. A couple of makeout sessions doesn't mean she is obligated to let you in her world... that's a bit much (Funny, she has a life without you... imagine that!).

Relax, and plan a nice birthday for yourself (Happy Birthday) and enjoy yourself whether she calls or not.

armyof1 · Oct 12, 2015, 07:56 PM

I will. Thanks. Yes, next time I will be very cautious.

Oliver2011 · Oct 13, 2015, 04:01 AM

Based on the last two I am guessing you won't. But eventually hopefully you will.

Originally Posted by armyof1

I will. Thanks. Yes, next time I will be very cautious.

talaniman · Oct 13, 2015, 05:05 AM

It's hard to make friends after you have made out after the first few "dates". The physical stuff is no substitute for conversation, or mental engagement that's essential to REALLY connect on another level. I know it feels so good and we can't help it, but it's more distraction through titillation, and tease than substance. As you see lust wears quickly, and initial attractions are mostly lust, and any two strangers can have it in the very beginning.

Now would be a GREAT time to examine your own (DESPERATE?) need to have a relationship, and the positions it puts you in. Then maybe you will see the FOOL'S GOLD before you buy it. I highly suggest you look forward to just being single and having FUN exploring your own world, and learning about yourself.

For a 30 something guy, you should be rising to your own peak and be at your best.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 13, 2015, 07:36 AM

All this making out with someone you don't really know leaves little time to get to know them. Maybe she was thinking this was all there was to you.
Slow your roll. Really get to know a young lady and she you before you start making out.

armyof1 · Oct 13, 2015, 09:22 AM

Thanks again for all the replies. I honestly don't have a need or want to be in a relationship. If it turns into one, great. I know there are things I have to work on and think about for myself. I usually just follow the girls lead. I was out on lunch just now and a new girl from my work asked me out for drinks tonight? She's attractive and in her mid 20's Should I go or should I just take time to myself. I told her I would let her after work.

Oliver2011 · Oct 13, 2015, 09:29 AM

Oy vey.

If you want to go, go. Have fun, with NO expectations.

Remember rushing it = crash and burn.

talaniman · Oct 13, 2015, 09:45 AM

or

armyof1 · Oct 13, 2015, 11:05 AM

Haha.

J_9 · Oct 13, 2015, 11:35 AM

Go with no expectations of a second date. Drink in moderation, do not get buzzed or drunk. But most importantly, keep your hands and lips to yourself. No make out sessions. Treat her like a lady not a tramp.

armyof1 · Oct 13, 2015, 11:55 AM

I don't drink at all. I'll get green tea or lemon water.
Reading all of these comments and thinking back from our first date, I feel really bad now that the physical part took over. I feel like that could have possibly ruined a really good thing. It upsets me. I know we were def. both into it and she would text me and make comments about how much she enjoyed kissing me, but the blame is on me for letting it get there. Now, for the next time I know. It just hurts knowing that it could have ruined something really nice.

smoothy · Oct 13, 2015, 11:59 AM

So what you do is learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. That's how everyone learns. Some just take longer than others do. A small handful never do. You will find them when you see people married 3, 4 or more times....one disaster after another.

armyof1 · Oct 15, 2015, 10:00 AM

So, I realized something these past couple of days and maybe you can confirm it.
I went out with that girl that asked me out the other day. We had a nice time, but I just didn't click with her. She's a nice girl, but not for me. She text me the next day and said "Hey, I had a great time. Would you want to get together at the end of the week" Now, I took a step back to think. Obviously, the answer is no and I feel it's clingy, BUT if I was into her, it would make me happy and I would say sure. I wouldn't think it would be clingy at all.

Then, I thought back to my relationships that were over 9 months long. I can remember distinctly two of them having a conversation with me about not texting them enough. They said they would like a "Good Morning" and "Good night" every day. I can now honestly say that maybe I just didn't want to, but with the right girl I would do it willingly.

So, I came to a conclusion that EVERYONE has different wants, needs, and expectations in a relationship. Which is why communication is KEY.
This girl just text me again saying "Do you miss me?". I think that's clingy, BUT if I was really attracted to her physically and mentally and into her, I'd probably be happy to hear it.
Just my 2 cents. Haha

smoothy · Oct 15, 2015, 10:20 AM

See you are learning and that is progress in a good way. And you see just because YOU might be into someone...they might not be that into you. And why we say experience is the best teacher. And the more people youhave dated..the more differing experience you have...and the greater will be your ability to know when you meet "The ONE".

Before now everyone seemed like it..and you are starting to see...that they weren't, and why.

J_9 · Oct 15, 2015, 10:21 AM

By George! I think you are getting it! 😎😀😀