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harry7171 · Sep 15, 2015, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

Exactly! Learn to love yourself, focus on yourself, spend time getting to know yourself, and when you enjoy being around yourself, then find someone to spend time with.

If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

Well we talked again, She insited really hard to stay as her friend. Almost forced me and did not want me to go even when I used offensive words against her and her boyfriend again & again. Before she used to get mad whenever I used say anything against her boyfriend but this time she did not and kept insisting me to stay his friend like she was begging me. But she just wanted to be my friend and never want to be more than that but I don't, I loved her not as a friend which I cant accept. So I blocked her on th Facebook and Stopped sending or receiving any texts by clarifying her I am not interested to be her friend. I am guessing She is again going through a rough patch with his bf and seeking someone to talk to. till the time things get better for her again. she also sent me really long text about 20 to 30 lines that how she is so polite to me and i am being rude and childish , she is giving me an opportunity to be a part of her life bt only as a frnd, but i did not reply to that long message and that was the end of our conversation.

CravenMorhead · Sep 15, 2015, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by harry7171

Well we talked again, She insited really hard to stay as her friend. Almost forced me and did not want me to go even when I used offensive words against her and her boyfriend again & again. Before she used to get mad whenever I used say anything against her boyfriend but this time she did not and kept insisting me to stay his friend like she was begging me. But she just wanted to be my friend and never want to be more than that but I don't, I loved her not as a friend which I cant accept. So I blocked her on th Facebook and Stopped sending or receiving any texts by clarifying her I am not interested to be her friend.

Good on you. Now to heal and move along.

smoothy · Sep 15, 2015, 02:50 PM

Horray.. you got the message and are with the program... let her find some other sucker... she is toxic... and you don't need that if you are going to move ahead in your life.

joypulv · Sep 16, 2015, 07:47 AM

You are getting really GOOD at this!
You get first prize for the last 5 years here!

harry7171 · Sep 16, 2015, 02:47 PM

Well I lost control and Replied to her long text that I am NOT interested in friendship but than again conversation started and I asked her If she is happy with the other guy and want to stay with him why the hell she wants to be my friend when when I clearly told her we were never friends and we are never going to be and suggested her not to talk to me if that other guy finds out this she still talks to me he will freak out big time. Because that guy and me has some bitter encouters in the past over her. But she keep insisting to be her friend and my answer was no all the time. Which never going to change.

talaniman · Sep 16, 2015, 02:59 PM

You better get under control my friend and stop all contact... AGAIN! Thought you learned that lesson already?

smoothy · Sep 16, 2015, 03:02 PM

Ignore her COMPLETELY or these games are never going to stop. You don't HAVE to talk... you simply block her, hang up on her, walk away from or or just ignore her.

Otherwise nothing changes.. and nothing improves. She isn't going to change anytime soon if ever... so it's a wasted effort. It might have been their fault before....now its yours.

harry7171 · Sep 16, 2015, 04:40 PM

Thanks I will definitely follow what you said.

Alty · Sep 16, 2015, 06:06 PM

You don't have to explain to her why you don't want contact with her. You just stop contact. You don't owe her any explanation.

You have the power over who you allow in your life. Take back your power, stop giving it to her.

harry7171 · Sep 19, 2015, 09:28 AM

Its already been a couple of days I have not talked to her and I am already losing control. Its staturday, I hv no where to go, No friends at all. I love traveling, hiking, camping, volunteering kind of stuff but I don't want to do it alone, I go alone for walks in town but How long can I do it. How should I find new friends, How to find myself, I want to do something in life that I really like to do, which drives me and I never feel a need for someone.So I never feel alone again.

smoothy · Sep 19, 2015, 09:43 AM

You go out a meet people A few will become friends.. most will remain acquaintances. SO get out and do what you like... even if it is alone. If you can't enjoy your own company... how can you expect others to as well? Unless you live in some remote corner of the earth alone...you are never alone. Mope around sulking with the woe is me attitude...and people are going to start avoiding you. People like being around other fun people...

The people that claim misery loves company...are depressed pessimists.

harry7171 · Sep 19, 2015, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

You go out a meet people A few will become friends.. most will remain acquaintances. SO get out and do what you like... even if it is alone. If you can't enjoy your own company... how can you expect others to as well? Unless you live in some remote corner of the earth alone...you are never alone. Mope around sulking with the woe is me attitude...and people are going to start avoiding you. People like being around other fun people...

The people that claim misery loves company...are depressed pessimists.

You are right smoothy I am depressed pessimists at the moment. Most of the life I hv lived alone cause I am an introvert, bt I was never so depressed or alone and instead of being an introvert all my life I had good friends but most of my friends now hv girlfriends, families, or they are working when I am free. So I feel like I hv no friends, its true I am not making any new friends anymore. I have a boring office job and there are circumstances I cant change it at the moment. I had a car before, which I lost in an accident, so I am not driving anymore, hard to explore new areas without a car. I want to find an objective which always keeps me focused and give new direction and objective to my life. I want to fall in love with my objective.

smoothy · Sep 19, 2015, 10:27 AM

Your day job doesn't matter... its always a bad idea to date anyone you work with anyway.

Same with a car... you walk places.. talk to people in the store, restaurant wherever you are. Its only hard at first. It gets easier the more you do it.

Just talk.. with no expectations of anything in the future. Therefore there are no letdowns or disappointments... enjoy the moment.

You can have great conversations with people you might never see again. A few you might and a couple of those might go on to becoming life long friends.

harry7171 · Sep 19, 2015, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Your day job doesn't matter... its always a bad idea to date anyone you work with anyway.

Same with a car... you walk places.. talk to people in the store, restaurant wherever you are. Its only hard at first. It gets easier the more you do it.

Just talk.. with no expectations of anything in the future. Therefore there are no letdowns or disappointments... enjoy the moment.

You can have great conversations with people you might never see again. A few you might and a couple of those might go on to becoming life long friends.

Thanks again smoothy for your suggestions, but my problem is I don't talk to new people or strangers, I am not good with words, No matter matter how knowledgeable am I, but I am going downtown now, at least see something, there is something always going on there. I will try my best not to reply her last text.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2015, 10:42 AM

Part of your RUT is not knowing what to do with yourself, or how to do it yourself. Any young guy nowadays can always start at a gym, and be on the lookout for interesting things going on around them locally.

If you weren't so self indulgent with pity and EXCUSES, you would be getting on a bus or train, and just trying stuff, or calling friends, OR FAMILY and seeing what's up, instead of adding to your misery by A$$uming and presuming what they are doing.

People who like who they are, are seldom bored with themselves, OR CONTENT IN THEIR OWN MISERY. Heck guy, you were miserable with this girl before, so why keep that going after you get away from her, and get a fresh start? Such self abuse is not acceptable.

harry7171 · Sep 19, 2015, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Part of your RUT is not knowing what to do with yourself, or how to do it yourself. Any young guy nowadays can always start at a gym, and be on the lookout for interesting things going on around them locally.

If you weren't so self indulgent with pity and EXCUSES, you would be getting on a bus or train, and just trying stuff, or calling friends, OR FAMILY and seeing what's up, instead of adding to your misery by A$$uming and presuming what they are doing.

People who like who they are, are seldom bored with themselves, OR CONTENT IN THEIR OWN MISERY. Heck guy, you were miserable with this girl before, so why keep that going after you get away from her, and get a fresh start? Such self abuse is not acceptable.

I already go to gym 4 to 5 times a week, go for long walks all the time. It is just I am just meant to suffer. Not a thing is working for me at the moment, I am low in confidence and I am afraid of talking to people. My life is a total car crash. I need a fresh start and I myself not like way I am right now.

smoothy · Sep 19, 2015, 11:36 AM

A fresh start does you no good if you keep making the same mistakes of the past.

Everyone isn't a gifted speaker... and you don't have to be knowledgeable to talk. Heck half the people out there are dumb as stumps... but they can still talk up a storm.

If you don't try you won't keep doing it, if you don't keep doing it you aren't going to get comfortable doing it. If you don't get comfortable doing it you are going to remain that dullard everyone assumes is antisocial so they don't make the effort either.

Its your life... and your life is what you make of it. If you don't ever get outside your comfort zone and make the effort... nothing will ever change and that will be your own fault.

If you don't put anything into it... then you aren't going to get anything out of it.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2015, 12:19 PM

Can't think of anything good to do for yourself?

Try volunteering, at neighborhood clean ups/functions, or local church charity events, or with hospital groups, soup kitchens or the like. I suspect once you get a taste of helping those who don't have what you have, and have things to be really miserable about, you may change your lousy attitude to one of gratitude.

Make a decision to be a better human, or drown in your own selfish crap! What's it going to be?

harry7171 · Sep 21, 2015, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Can't think of anything good to do for yourself?

Try volunteering, at neighborhood clean ups/functions, or local church charity events, or with hospital groups, soup kitchens or the like. I suspect once you get a taste of helping those who don't have what you have, and have things to be really miserable about, you may change your lousy attitude to one of gratitude.

Make a decision to be a better human, or drown in your own selfish crap! What's it going to be?

I don't know what is happenning to me, yesterday I lost control replied to her messages and this time our conservation ended with one of the biggest fight we ever had, I said so many really bad and cheap things to her that she will never even try to message me again. But after that fight all of the sudden I started feeling really good. I am behaving like everything is fine. I am not feeling pity for myself. I even added her boyfriend on my Facebook and he accepted my request. I have no motive to fight with guy and just wanna burry the hatchet with him. I don't know is this feeling is temporary and why am I doing it. I hv stopped grieving all of the sudden.

smoothy · Sep 21, 2015, 08:34 AM

You really do appear to like being miserable because you keep going back for more abuse. Maybe if he kicks your butt for sticking your nose back in where you shouldn't you will get the message? Leave her alone.. stay far far away... or HE is going to put a whupping on you. People get killed for messing around with someone else's girl (no matter how screwed up they might be) He's putting up with her crap now... why do you keep going back asking for more?