[kjetaime]

I've worked with this guy for about 3 months now. I'm 18 and he just turned 21. We talk a lot at work about various things and we often joke with each other. A lot of the time I think he's being flirty with me (he will joke about customers thinking I'm attractive and be protective, he will share any drinks he has with me, he touches my lower back, I catch him looking at me, we make direct eye contact for long periods of time). The thing is, he has a girlfriend. They've been together for about 3 years I think. What makes me think he may be interested is that I've given him chances to mention his girlfriend but he's never ONCE mentioned that he's taken! I found out through a mutual friend we have. For example, he went on a camping trip with his girlfriend for their anniversary (the friend told me), so at work I asked about his week and he mentioned he went camping "with friends for no reason". Another example is on his birthday he was waiting at the bar, I asked for whom and he said "a friend", but later found out that "friend" was his girlfriend! So maybe he doesn't want me to know he has a girlfriend? I would NEVER do anything with him (because he is in a relationship), but I know that people can be in relationships and still be attracted to people other than their significant others. Any opinions on what he's thinking? Thank you! :)

[Fr_Chuck]

Sure sounds like he wants to get wild between the sheets with you. So why ruin a chance for fun sex, talking about your girlfriend.

[Oliver2011]

Why waste your time on someone like that?

[kjetaime]

Sure sounds like he wants to get wild between the sheets with you. So why ruin a chance for fun sex, talking about your girlfriend.

Him and I are both religious and seem to share the same values, so I don't think he wants a hookup. That's what's confusing me: does he want an actual relationship in the future? Is that why he's not mentioning his girlfriend?

Why waste your time on someone like that?

I'm pretty attracted to him at this point. We both share the same values and I could definitely see this turning into something more! I see him almost every time I work so it's a little hard to not notice him haha.

[talaniman]

Playing dumb with what you know just adds to your confusion and that's always the case when you assume and presume instead of getting facts by asking what you want to know directly to a person. Doesn't matter if your religions are the same, and you think he is a nice guy, unless you communicate yourself directly AND honestly, and stop dancing around the issues, then you will never know the truth about what he thinks, or what he is REALLY about, or his INTENTIONS toward YOU.

What's the big deal with asking him about his "girlfriend" if you THINK he has one, instead of assuming, and presuming based on the word of another, who could be lying. I thought you hated that from your other question about a different boy

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ng-815280.html

[kjetaime]

Playing dumb with what you know just adds to your confusion and that's always the case when you assume and presume instead of getting facts by asking what you want to know directly to a person. Doesn't matter if your religions are the same, and you think he is a nice guy, unless you communicate yourself directly AND honestly, and stop dancing around the issues, then you will never know the truth about what he thinks, or what he is REALLY about, or his INTENTIONS toward YOU.

What's the big deal with asking him about his "girlfriend" if you THINK he has one, instead of assuming, and presuming based on the word of another, who could be lying. I thought you hated that from your other question about a different boy

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ng-815280.html

I know for sure he has a long-term girlfriend, it turns out I'm friends with her sister. Anyway, I'm not trying to "play dumb" at all, I just don't think it's my place to bring it up. I just wondered why he wouldn't?

[talaniman]

That makes him a conniving liar, leading you on for future conquests or he is keeping you out of his business, and flirts harmlessly and it's you misreading his action. He doesn't have to tell you anything knowing his sister already has, especially if he is not as serious as you want him to be.

That mean backoff of this and stop speculating.

[Jake2008]

It doesn't matter what he thinks, or does, or wants. It matters how you think, what you do, and what you want.

First of all, it is very dishonorable to flirt with a man, who you know to be in a serious relationship. It doesn't matter that he tries to hide the fact, the point is he doesn't bring up his girlfriend because he wants something on the side. And you know this also surely?

Try to improve your game. The game currently being you flirt back, and feel that he is someone you would like to date from what you have said. You have already gone too far in knowing so much about him, and clearly he is interested in intimacy, as are you most likely.

Move your standards up the ladder a little bit by following some simple rules of behavior.

1. Learn that the signs you have coming from any man, who is involved with another woman, is reason to keep your distance, and discourage any sort of flirting- or worse.

2. Respect other women, the way you would like to be respected, as far as relationships go particularly. He is her problem, not yours. Don't complicate her life by allowing yourself to be attracted to another woman's man.

3. Spot the signs that a man is coming onto you. Proceed with caution. The moment you find out he is a liar and likely a cheat (given the opportunity), do the right thing, and end the flirting, talks, likely texting, etc.

It's pretty simple really.

[smoothy]

Besides everything else. Its incredible foolish to mess around with anyone that works at the same place you do. Lots can go wrong (and when it does people get fired....and disqualified from unemployment insurance due to willful misconduct)... very little can go right.

Save your dating and amorous attention for anyone that doesn't work where you do.