[michaelTfox]

Alright,

To start, I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years now, and everything was always going super fine. By super fine, I mean, for 3 years we were still in passionate romantic love. Well... until recently. This summer, she went for a trip in Canada to learn another language; she had classes and everything, for a month.

Out there, she met a lot of friends including a guy that she saw a lot back there. When she came back from the learning trip, she was different with me. More distant, way less romantic and careful like before. I felt like she was another person completely.

She asked for breaks to thing about our relation... but always came back saying that she was sorry. After a couple of hard moments, she finally came a little bit more like before. She would say more often nice things, or tell me kind words, and nice text messages. But still... she almost never in the 'mood', she is still more distant, and she often sees that guy she met in the program.

But when she sees him, they go late in parks walking and taking about life alone her and him. Or she go in party with this guy and all his (male) friends/brothers/siblings and I don't know why but that just doesn't sound right in my head. Tell me if I am wrong but there is a difference in seeing friends, and walking alone talking about life with a guy that is not in a relationship.

I try not to worry to much, but I feel she changed and things starts to alarm me and I'd like to know what to do to solve the situation.

[smoothy]

Time to move on... She already has, or soon will be.. she is trying to have her cake and eat it too. Meaning she's stringing you along to keep you as a fallback in case what she's exploring doesn't work out.

[catonsville]

It is hard to play 2nd fiddle. Move on like Smoothy said.

[talaniman]

How old are you both?

[michaelTfox]

We are both 20

Time to move on... She already has, or soon will be.. she is trying to have her cake and eat it too. Meaning she's stringing you along to keep you as a fallback in case what she's exploring doesn't work out.

Thank you very much for your reply

[talaniman]

Things may be fizzling out, and not unusual to want to explore and experiment at 20. Doesn't sound like you live together, but are just comfortable with each other. What's striking is the lack of communication about it, but if you are alarmed by her growing from a kid to a woman who wonders about her future then she is probably outgrowing you in many ways.

It's almost inevitable that younger couples start growing apart, as you have different paths to happiness to pursue. It may not have anything to do with you but all about what she sees as the future she wants, ad isn't quite ready to step out on her own, but likely is getting ready to.

I think at this point you talk and understand and be careful not to make it about what you what from her. The point is to UNDERSTAND the direction she is growing into. Yes the relationship is certainly changing for better, or worse.

What are your plans for the future? What are hers?

[michaelTfox]

Thank you for your answer again.I am planning on studying for a phd in artificial intelligence, and she aims university.I aim a entertaining life with the person I love. I had these moments I wanted to run away and discover 20's life, but realising how she was an amazing person, I stayed and am so glad of my choice now. I realised that when you find somebody you are truly great with, ideas of discovery just fade away.But I don't know anymore what she wants. Before, she was that super good calm girl that would take one step at a time always; she comes from a really good family that prides respect and love. I was happy to see that in 2015, there was still a girl that could be different than all the 20's girls that go in clubs each weeks and go dance with guys. I still really enjoy nightlife, I am just not following theses discovery thoughts as I prefer true love to one night stands. But with all that said, I don't really know but she seems to want to live the crazy 20's life with clubs and explore and meet other people, and this may be the point where it breaks.

[smoothy]

I still think you are going to get dumped in the very near future... I recognize her behavior and have seen it before, both had it happen to me once and saw it happen with others I knew... she's looking around for something better... and the moment she thinks she has found someone better to her at that moment... she will dump you and move on.

And if not with this one.. then with the next. She certainly is not intending to settle down anytime soon... and certainly not with you. She wouldn't be dipping her foot in every pool in town if she was happy with the one she already has.

Doesn't matter what kind of family she is from... The biggest losers I know came from really nice families... and vice versa. The family can only offer guidance growing up.. but ultimately she makes her own choices in life... and as was pointed out... she's young.. as are you... you both are going to decide to change your direction in life, most likely several times in the near future. Sometimes good people turn bad... and bad people see the light and turn good.

[Fr_Chuck]

I agree, I think the relationship is going toward the end. Many do at this age and as people change in University.

It often just a matter of changing, and wanting different things. (growing apart)

[michaelTfox]

Thank you for your answer,
Really appreciated.

Thank you