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loveandpeace · Apr 17, 2007, 06:41 AM

So I am an ambitious, fun, attractive 26 year old. Had a bad break up and moved to London. Finally got myself sorted and loved being single again and after 4 years of being single (apart from the odd fling here and there) I met *Daniel. Met at a work event - I asked him out on a date and that was it... after 2 he asked me if I would let him in and be his girlfriend, it took a bit of convincing as I had been hurt before but I eventually said yes. He is quite different to me but says he loves that I am not the same as everyone he knows.

It all moved quickly and got very comfortable very soon. We are both quite big personalitties and also both very insecure. It became obvious after a while. Anyway he started constantly asking me if I wanted to break up because I had gone all quiet on him and I was thinking the same. There was obviously a big communication break down but he can't talk about his feelings... It was great for the first few months until I went on the pill which made me emotional and inhanced everything. In the end he was always telling me he loved me but then needing re-assurance. I love him, I really do and now I am off the pill feeling so much better and the old me is back... He went skiing and we had a fight over text and I said nasty things, so did he. He came back broke up with me within 24 hours was ringing me and then we went to a wedding together as it was already planned. It was wonderful and for the next 2 weeks we saw and spoke to each other. Eventually I said if we were not together I can not see him anymore. Its been 2 and a half weeks since we spoke. I was the one that said it had to be that way and he wanted us to try to be friends and see where it went. I am going mad wondering what's going on in his head, if he misses me, whether I should call him, write to him tell him how I feel... HELP ME

Emland · Apr 17, 2007, 06:48 AM

I am a little confused. Are you saying that you told him you didn't want to see him anymore but now you have changed your mind?

loveandpeace · Apr 19, 2007, 07:34 AM

Sorry if that sounded confusing... I was emotional whilst writing it. I told him it was too hard to be friends and am not ringing him anymore - its been three weeks but I want to call him and am too scared. I want him back so much.

kp2171 · Apr 19, 2007, 07:47 AM

Do you want him back or do you want him to want you?

In your first post it sounds like you are going mad because you want to know what's in his head... really, you want to know if he as upset about this. This is a normal thing to feel. We all want to "mean something" to our ex's, and in some twisted way its comforting to think that they are aching for us. Again, I think that is normal.

But missing the person and wanting to know they miss you can cloud the decision. Missing the person doesn't mean the relationship should be renewed. It doesn't mean it shouldn't either, but don't let those pains be why you get back together. If there are reasons you split, those reasons will still be there when you get back. And often that means you get together again, ride the emotions until the problems surface, and again break up. Repeat a few times. Waste a lot of time. And wonder what went wrong.

So... don't let missing him alone be the reason you contact. And Don't let your wanting to know if he is going mad be the reason either. After one ugly breakup I had I spent probably the better part of two years wondering whether my ex was sorry, whether she thought about me as often, etc... even as id moved on and was in another relationship.

So missing him alone isn't reason to contact or to not contact. You also need to believe you can solve whatever issues were keeping the relationship from lasting.

loveandpeace · Apr 20, 2007, 02:21 AM

Thank you I appreciate you writing back to me.

I honestly believe the problems that arrose last time were hormonal brought on only by the pill I was taking. I truly know that it would most certainly be different - truly. That is not me kidding myself.

I thought I'd been in love before but know I was not until now as I have been able to walk away and respect his decision... but he never gave a real reason for anything, maybe they never do. My problem is now that yes I miss him, I miss him like mad. He is consuming my every thought, I have not spoken to him for 3 weeks and I just don't know whether to try the friends game in the hope (not hanging as in waiting) but that maybe our friendship would turn to more. That was the problem to begin with we were not friends..?