[confused1010]

I am an 19yr old girl and doing my UG in India. I got out of a 2yr long distance relationship 3 months ago. I was unhappy and lonely and there was no other reason or his fault in the relationship. I was in a messed up state and there was this guy called Ravi I had a crush on who said he was in the same state of post breakup thing. We both felt connected and he proposed being friends with benefits (cause we both were tired of the relationship drama).

Meanwhile I had a close guy friend and after the breakup he supported me and I felt less lonely because of him. We started spending more time now and I realized that he has feelings for me. Right now I'm not ready for another relationship but at the same time I like spending time with him. Ravi is a nice guy too and we shared a kiss today and somehow I feel wrong. I know I have to choose one among them but I don't know whom. I cannot share all this with anyone cause I'll be called a slut if I do. :'( please help asap.

[DoulaLC]

If you are not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now, why do you have to choose? Just make it very clear to either one, or both, that while you enjoy spending time with them, you aren't looking for anything serious right now. In that light, you may want to reconsider the friends with benefits idea. It doesn't matter how good your birth control use may be, pregnancy can still happen.

Give yourself times to learn more about yourself... you just got out of a long relationship a short time ago; any attention from a guy is going to make you feel good right now; it's a boost to your self-esteem.

It's okay, and can actually be extremely beneficial, to be on your own for awhile.

[Homegirl 50]

You are in a friends with benefit thing with one guy, you're not dating. Why can you not be friends with both of them?
You might want to stop the benefits and take your time with both of these guys. Let this be a time to get to know who you are and what you want.

[talaniman]

Maybe you and your FWB should deal with your messed up state of minds in a healthier way, and rethink this quick fix easy escape from the complications of a relationship. FWB is a relationship and requires the same maturity and responsibility as ANY relationship.

How about just tell the other guy who has feelings for you that you just don't want a relationship, or the FWB you no longer need his benefits. OR if you want TWO FWB's, then educate yourself with birth control and a regular visits to an OB-GYN, and regular check ups for STD's.

The bottom line is get a healthy state of mind to be able to figure out what you want and not need a safe FWB to scratch your itch without responsibility for your emotional choices. Any relationship is an emotional risk that can get complicated and confusing.

Stay out of ALL intimate relationships if you cannot deal with your own feelings in a responsible way.

[joypulv]

FWB is for people who are 100% positive that they aren't going to fall in love and get hurt!
The very fact that you are agonizing over two men suggests that you need to be more careful about jumping in bed.
I agree with the statement that there's no reason why you have to choose.

[Fr_Chuck]

Why do you have to pick one. Why can not you not merely date both guys ( and try actually dating them) and see how each is.