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    thefool2112's Avatar
    thefool2112 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 29, 2015, 11:30 PM
    Dating a girl with a child?
    I'm 24 and really into a girl I work with, she's 22 and has a 2 year old son. She really cool, cute, and most of all funny and we kind of do a subtle flirting here and there. I'm not sure if she is waiting for me to pull the trigger to ask her out but I just want to know more less the about the situation considering I myself don't have any children. I'm not against having children of my own yet never gave it much of a thought.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Apr 30, 2015, 02:30 AM
    Dating is when and how you find out about the person. You do not find out everything before the date.

    The difference is, if you want to go long term, the child is part of the deal.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,826, Reputation: 739
    Pest Control Expert
     
    #3

    Apr 30, 2015, 03:54 AM
    You should find a kid friendly event and ask her to go to it. Nothing tells you about a person better than how they parent an excited toddler.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #4

    Apr 30, 2015, 05:04 AM
    You get to know her first, her child should not even be I the picture at this point. I don't believe in single parents introducing their kids to dates, especial on she is just seeing,
    But if the relationship grows, the child comes with the territory. Things to consider, is the child's father in the picture and how is the relationship with her and the child's father.
    You don't want baby daddy drama.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #5

    May 2, 2015, 11:49 AM
    I agree with all that has been said so far.

    Consider though, that she is likely as cautious about you, as you are about her and her daughter. If she is a good mother, she will proceed very cautiously, and have her daughter's best interests in mind. She may have dated men who she discovered had a drinking/drug problem for example, and that may not fit into who she sees as someone to introduce her child to, or have a serious relationship.

    She may not even be looking for a serious relationship. You will have to just feel this out, by asking her out, and getting to know her.

    However, should you decide you are becoming more and more interested in her, after you've come to know her, consider that no decisions about a future together can be made, without considering the child. They are a package deal.

    Don't be afraid of possibly being a parent figure in her life. None of us had any experience before we had our own babies. It is all a learning experience. Just try to keep in mind that it is perfectly okay for you to NOT want to be a parent, or be involved to such a committed degree. But, be honest and open to the possibility that the two of them may very well be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    May 2, 2015, 12:18 PM
    I remember being 24... VIVIDLY.

    The "being seriously into her" thing might be more hormones than thought process at this point. Been there before, done that, and I have the benefit of hindsight... I dated more than a few with kids around that age... thought process in this order is... #1 damn I want into those Pants... and its clear she puts out and is no virgin, #2... Ok she's nice enough to talk to afterwards so we can do it again... #3 Not my kid... not my responsibility and I doubt she will want it to be anytime soon. You might try to convince yourself otherwise....but at 24 your hormones still have more control than your logic processes. That will reverse itself in a few more years for most guys.

    Also... "girl I work with"... oh there are soooo many ways this can go so very, very wrong on just this point alone.

    Ever hear the quote... don't poop (cleaned up for family viewing) where you eat? DON'T EVER mess around with someone at work... you have no idea how ugly a breakup can be when everyone in the office knows both of you. I've seen it get so bad Police were called.....and more than a few cases where both people ended up getting fired for verbally arguing in the workplace.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    May 3, 2015, 10:10 AM
    You work together, and that's a good reason to be extremely careful, as crushes, and attractions, can be misleading and short lived. The fact she has a kid is not even important at this point.

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