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semiramis78 · Apr 19, 2015, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't try and be cool, just be honest with him, and yourself first. I would say "HI, and what the hell's up with YOU?". Then go about my business and doing my thing.

Why trip on what you don't know, and play the assume, presume game, when you can ask directly? Why worry about what he thinks of you, when you don't know what he is thinking period? You met him online, you can meet others, so don't get stuck. He is doing nothing to you, or for you, so what's the big deal here?

I wouldn't stop exploring and experimenting with other options because of him, FOR SURE! Dating is having fun getting to know each other, NOT engaging in drama, intrigue, and confusion. RIGHT?

Are you having fun with him? Be honest with yourself, and act accordingly.

I met him very short. I was in his city on a transfere flight and he came in half an hour to see me before I left.. he says he is scared, feels like he is about to jump in a pool but doesn't know how to swim,. he doesn't know what to do with his future and his job is problematic now. He loved our date and he doesn't doubt about that.
Hmm... he said he feels guilty that he was not thinking to sort things out seriously and now he starts again thinking!. I told him I may see others but what the hell I am supposed to do? I cant connect to different people at the same time...
Anyway he said he is thinking now again and if I was not important he was not there! And he kissed me good bye on lips three times!
I'm very confused.. even more than before... just decided to carry on with my life and see what happens...

talaniman · Apr 19, 2015, 06:28 AM

Confused that he doesn't make a deeper commitment to you because he has other priorities? He has told you that twice now hasn't he? As you see it's as hard to develop long distance relationships as it is to maintain them. I think with your career lifestyle, making FRIENDS and having fun would be better than expecting those chemistry attractions leading to romance.

Pretty obvious that's what you are looking for, that "connection", but you have yet to find it. I think you expected way too much from this fellow as he was not a settled as you are, and are more disappointed than confused, and that's okay. Not your fault that YOU were ready, willing, and able, but he was not.

Your journey continues without him.

semiramis78 · Apr 19, 2015, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Confused that he doesn't make a deeper commitment to you because he has other priorities? He has told you that twice now hasn't he? As you see it's as hard to develop long distance relationships as it is to maintain them. I think with your career lifestyle, making FRIENDS and having fun would be better than expecting those chemistry attractions leading to romance.

Pretty obvious that's what you are looking for, that "connection", but you have yet to find it. I think you expected way too much from this fellow as he was not a settled as you are, and are more disappointed than confused, and that's okay. Not your fault that YOU were ready, willing, and able, but he was not.

Your journey continues without him.

Well I am not sure, because he didn't say yes or no.. And he is the most skeptical person I ever seen.

Yes I am disappointed... of being so bad luck in relationships...

talaniman · Apr 19, 2015, 08:40 AM

Your luck is no worse than anyone else's, but you have to see that online dating is a hit or miss proposition when you are looking for a relationship.

Hey the good news is you finally got a taste of someone who piquéd your interest enough to disappoint you. The point is get over your disappointment and get back in the game (or on the computer). I doubt you were more disappointed than the previous fellows who didn't get a second date with you.

Adjust your expectations of online dating. It's only an opportunity and option but no substitute for a real fulfilling social life that you are to busy to DEVELOP over time.

semiramis78 · Apr 20, 2015, 03:02 AM

Online dating is same as normal dating, they are the same people, but probably busier... you can find players in a bar or café even between friends and you never know until you are close with them... and of course they can be on internet too...

I am more disappointed that them, I don't get intimate if I doubt about at least first steps, I don't kiss a person passionately every time I see him if I am not sure where I am standing with him...

tickle · Apr 20, 2015, 04:16 AM

You are confused. On liine dating is NOTHING like person to person dating. All you see is words on the screen, no expesssion, no body language. Nothing to indicate how a person is reacting to a conversation. Skype may be different but not by much.

Where do you see the reality in on line dating ?

semiramis78 · Apr 20, 2015, 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

You are confused. On liine dating is NOTHING like person to person dating. All you see is words on the screen, no expesssion, no body language. Nothing to indicate how a person is reacting to a conversation. Skype may be different but not by much.

Where do you see the reality in on line dating ?

You just start online, then you meet like others! What is the difference?
Online dating won't be online forever... it is online just for the first few days.. .

talaniman · Apr 20, 2015, 05:01 AM

I think in any situation we can get carried away with expectations during the "get to know" period, as I note you never went on 2nd dates with guys you felt nothing for, and fell for this guy you did feel something for. You never know what can develop when you let things progress on their own.

I think you do yourself a great disservice when you stop the potential for friends and activities when you are looking for sparks and feelings. And as you have already found out those "feelings" can be complicated, distracting, misleading, and not reciprocated. Sucks doesn't it.

I get being too busy with other things in your life to fully enjoy a healthy social life but just being able to hangout among friends is the whole basis for human interaction. Online dating though doesn't allow for things to develop, and just basing everything on first meeting feelings does have its drawbacks, and it's a real killer when you expect that instant relationship connection to bear fruit.

Heck you basically skip the friends part altogether, looking for that love connection. So I think if you are going to date online, don't expect any miracles, or get to caught up in those "feelings" thing, or you will never have much FUN.

Bonding with a member of the opposite sex, takes TIME, and interaction, of which you don't seem to have the patience for at this time. So adjust your expectations for those online guys, and be a lot more patient if you intend on having fun building a healthy social life with people and activities that you enjoy and look forward to. That would be normal for busy people, and if you are to busy to MAKE time then don't expect any positive outcomes from that online stuff.

That's just realistic.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 20, 2015, 07:00 AM

There is something to be said for meeting people face to face and getting to know them, not necessarily for dating but interacting. If you don't have time for that, your dating experience is not going to be much better.

semiramis78 · Apr 20, 2015, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

There is something to be said for meeting people face to face and getting to know them, not necessarily for dating but interacting. If you don't have time for that, your dating experience is not going to be much better.

OK lets say I have time, but where should I meet a person I like?
And how to know they are single at all,
I am living in a country where I am new and I don't know many people so I cant meet people through friends...

talaniman · Apr 20, 2015, 07:26 AM

Social functions, and activities is a good place for making friends, but as I said, such things take time and patience, and there are no instant results 99% of the time. Just fun interacting. Human interacting even friends ha to develop, so romance is often not a realistic thing to expect.

Hell, being new makes it difficult to make friends even if you are NOT busy. Most look to things they like the most like kites flying, crafts, sports, dances, or other hobbies and look for where that happens and go and see about it. It's called exploring ones interest, and maybe you meet those with similar interest.

You should MAKE time to explore your own social interests.

semiramis78 · Apr 20, 2015, 10:14 AM

I know you are right...

smoothy · Apr 20, 2015, 02:22 PM

There aren't other people where you live? That you have to have a fake relationship online? Sorry but if you have a good job and are attractive... (doesn't matter man or woman) you should have no trouble finding real people near you to date in person. And I have exactly the same thing to say for the other person doing it as well.

There is WAY too much that can go very, very wrong in your situation. They might actually be married, engaged, in jail...etc.