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angelbaby420 · Apr 5, 2015, 10:44 AM

This guy and I went on multiple dates he told me that I was the coolest girl he had ever met. He was my first kiss with many more kisses from him that followed. But he slowly stopped talking to me and he told me that he didn't Like me the way I liked him and that he was sorry. He was cheated on two times before by his ex. But when him and I are together we act like were a couple. We are so comfortable around each other. Like he squeezes my waist and slaps my thigh and lays his head on my thigh but he says he just wants to be friends. So what is he doing? Does he really not like me, is he just afraid of getting hurt or is he still in love with his ex?

DoulaLC · Apr 5, 2015, 11:18 AM

Only he can answer your questions... why not ask him? If you are not comfortable doing so in person, write him a note. Let him know that you are feeling confused about what his feelings might be and where he wants your relationship to go... if anywhere.

He likely does like you, otherwise why bother to spend time with you, but he could be scared, or simply not ready, to get into something too serious at this time. Perhaps he prefers to keep it more casual dating for now, or since it sounds as though the kissing may have ended, maybe he truly does just enjoy your friendship and that's all.

talaniman · Apr 5, 2015, 12:00 PM

He told you he had been cheated on twice, and said lets be friends, because he doesn't want a girl friend, so why are you letting him take liberties, and do things you think a couple should do?

You need to tell him you don't kiss friends, or allow them to put their head in your lap, or slap your thighs. The problem is not him being cheated on in the past, that's HIS problem to deal with, NOT yours, but you not setting boundaries of FRIENDS and need to stop acting like a couple.

Are you okay just being friends without the touchy feely stuff? Then say stop, so he will know what your idea of friends is but if you are looking for a boyfriend, then he ain't it and you should stop expecting him to be one.

If you cannot date and be just friends, then it's up to you to stop wasting your time, because he likes things the way they are, no risk, but fun. How old are you both, and how long have you been carrying on like this?

When a guy says he doesn't like you as much as you like him, and lets be friends, then you stop the kissing and touching stuff, and don't give him the benefits of being a girlfriend, because you are not, and may never be.

As you are finding out it's easy to act like a couple without being one, and it's even easier to just be friends with benefits. If that doesn't work for you, don't do it.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 5, 2015, 01:34 PM

He has already told you where he stands. You are a friend with certain benefits because you have not set boundaries. Stop letting him get touchy Feely with you. This has nothing to do with him being cheated on. He can have privileges with you without any commitment.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 5, 2015, 07:35 PM

I agree, you need to set limits for him, he wants to be only friends, then he should not be grabbing you, putting his head on your lap. Tell him that this is not how friends behave, but how boyfriend/girlfriends behave.

Sounds like he is trying to enjoy his fun, without any risk or commitment.

DesertSniper84 · Apr 21, 2015, 01:58 AM

He is probably scared but also doesn't want to lose you out of his life hence the friends only. That's his way of creating a boundary and probably because he was hurt in the past. Back off. Go no contact. Do not chase him or it will push him away.

Jake2008 · Apr 21, 2015, 05:59 AM

I don't think his past matters here.

He has been honest, and there is no doubt from what he said, that he doesn't want anything more than a friendship.

Why can't you just take him at his word?

Should you decide to keep trying to figure out why he doesn't want a relationship with you other than friendship, you will give him no choice but to end the friendship.

He's just not that into you...