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foreverromantic · Oct 30, 2014, 03:13 PM

I would like someone else's opinion regarding this. I have a neighbor that I was friendly with through the years; as we both got older and busier we started to "draw away from each other", such as we used to get together at New Years and other holidays, but no longer. I actually "have moved on" and met many new friends now and attend new events through clubs, etc. I am single; she is married. We are both retired now. She and her husband went out of the Country for three months to visit relatives. She never even sent me a POSTCARD. She was home 5 months before I got a phone call from her and it was asking me about my health insurance. I traveled extensively for more than 33 years and always SENT HER A POSTCARD and bought her little gifts from everywhere. It is not that I want a postcard, it is the "idea" of the thing. I found out she sent a large gift to another neighbor. I would like to dissassociate myself from her. We are not on the same level any longer. I moved on and she did not. How would it be if I blocked her number from my phone?

talaniman · Oct 30, 2014, 03:47 PM

I would do nothing of the sort, because I wouldn't resent her actions, nor need to move on. From what? Like you said, life has taken you both to different places in life. It may also bring you back together down the road. Burning bridges is for enemies, and dangerous people in my view, not for neighbors or friends that have changed over the years. It's your phone though, but I think you are over reacting, because you think she should have been nicer, or more attentive, or a better friend and neighbor, but as I said, that may change yet again in time.

Why can't you just let it go?

joypulv · Oct 30, 2014, 03:55 PM

Block her phone? Silly and gratuitous overkill. Neighbors need each other for the very least to keep an eye out if, say, your house is being broken into, or is on fire.

I don't understand why giving requires receiving. 33 years of postcards and little gifts must have made you feel good, or you would have stopped over 30 years ago.
Maybe the relatives she visits are grown children who have children, and she is devoting her time and attention to them - very common.
But if not, so what? And so what if she sent a gift to another neighbor? Could be a thank you gift for watching out for the house while gone and even doing a bit of time consuming little chores. But again - so what if it was just a gift to someone she likes better than you? Many married couples gravitate more towards other marrieds - is the other neighbor married? (AGAIN - doesn't really matter)

Lastly, I don't understand the statement that you have moved on and she has not. How has she not? It sounds like you are the one who is stuck in the past. Moving on doesn't mean blocking a neighbor who has done nothing at all wrong except to be distant. Even for the most practical reasons, keep your phone. And graciously answer her questions about insurance.

Cat1864 · Oct 30, 2014, 04:35 PM

I am very confused. How has she not 'moved on'? How is she holding on to a friendship that you consider over?

If she isn't contacting you other than that one time then she wouldn't know you blocked her number. It is something that only you would know (unless you told everyone what you did) and it sounds like a rather immature action based on what you have written here. It sounds like something a teen would do.

Why does it hurt you that she didn't write or give you a gift? You say it is the 'idea'. Maybe she did have the 'idea' but thought you wouldn't care. Maybe she moved on because you did.

When was the last time you contacted her? Was it out of friendship or because you needed something?

Do you really want to disassociate yourself from her or do you want to talk to her and fix the relationship? When she called asking about your health plan, were you hoping it was a social call? Did you give any openings to turn it into a friendly chat (if neither of you were rushed for time?) Did she?

I think you need to examine your emotions and think about what you really want. Good friends may go through periods of being apart or at different stages of their lives, but that doesn't mean the friendship has died.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 30, 2014, 11:43 PM

Was there more than friendship? Was there a love affair?

You sent her a card ? Not her and her husband? If you were sending her a post card, not her family, that was improper and very wrong in many ways.

Next, you do realize almost no one sends post cards any more. They are even hard to find. It appears she has had no trouble moving on, it is you, that is now resentful because she has.

There is no reason to block the phone, ( sounds more middle school , than a mature adult) what ever it was, has been over for a long time, there is almost no contact, i.e. if she did not call you for 5 months, it means you also did not call her.