[Precious7]

Sarah, You deserve your own attention, time and love for yourself right now. Loving yourself in the situation when you need it is not selfish but its called taking care of yourself. So, may be you can start taking care of yourself, treat yourself, because you worth it. Think about it, commend yourself because there was no fault from your side, your love was true and he is unfortunate and that he wasn't able to get that and will never get it ever. The one who deserve your true love is the one who will love you truly. What I mean is don't hate him but don't give him any place in your heart where he matters. I suggest, go out give your love to anyone who needs it ( I am not talking about the intimacy love) for example, if you know someone who is hurting, going through some situation in life, you call them, offer any help, pray for them, listen to their heart, do random act of kindness. Help anyone whom you know is in need. Even if it takes a ''smile'' give it to someone who needs it today. Then you will see, your true love is worth more and its not for wasting on someone just like that. LOVE is very powerful, invest it in good place.
Peace be with you. :)

[Sarrah04]

Thanks precious. I thought of doing the same but it requires energy. Im so drained emotionally and physically fatigued but somehow at some hour of the day I feel very energized and positive. I cry thinking of the memories spent together and some special moments which are memorable. Like he apologized a few times when it was not entirely his fault but my friends say that he did so because he wanted to keep and use me and that he can never find such a girlfriend. He might not want one like me, who knows! He left me anyway. I'm trying to move on. What drains me out is the feeling that he is doing just fine without me, does he not miss me? Am I the only one who suffers? No regrets? No apologies? Maybe if he had tried to come back and I had said NO, I would have had peace. I cannot make conversation with people right now. I go numb if I tr to tak about some topic. All I have on my mind is him and I don't know how to get rid of it. Maybe I'm being difficult with people, many friends told me why EXACTLY am I talking like a psycho? This threatens me. I don't know if I need a psychiatrist since I am filled with so much negativity right now.

[Oliver2011]

Oy vey!

"I would have had peace." You can have peace now but you are choosing not to.

He misses your money, probably the physical gratification, and all the others things you provided in the name of love. But those things aren't love when it's done by manipulation.

"Am I the only one who suffers? No regrets? No apologies?" Who cares? Who cares?And who cares? You had a relationship where you gave almost 100% to and he didn't. You lost that relationship. Now it's time to move on. You don't control how anyone, including him, feels about anything. So let it go. You do control how you feel, how you think, and steps to moving your life forward. Sitting around and doing nothing is not the answer. Your mind will thank you if you go out and do something. So for a long walk. Get some exercise. Little by little you will be feeling better.

[Sarrah04]

Does that mean manipulation was done on my part?

[Oliver2011]

No, not from what you have said. Manipulation is getting something through a bad way, which from what you have said he did.

I wanted to add one more thing. Don't settle for someone bad for the sake of being in a relationship. Never settle for the pathetic.

Does that mean manipulation was done on my part?

[Sarrah04]

Yea I had realized in the very beginning it was the wrong one but I tried to make it better by listening to him and giving him MORE love (that's what I think I was giving) I didn't know I was making it worse. I'll now be active and try to keep myself busy.

[Precious7]

I understand Sarah! And I know very well its not easy to come out of it. But its not impossible, believe me I have been in the place where you are and I am sure there will be many who are posting in this thread who went through the same situation in their life. But you have to do it and if you just start the process that is the big thing and it will give you a confidence to keep doing it and drag yourself out of this situation and you will be free. Your friends are probably right, sometimes people apologies for their selfish reasons. But you are not psycho, if you feel sad, and you have some memories about past it doesn't mean you have some problem. You are fit and healthy. It is just the matter of time. If you stop wanting him in your life but decide to live and work through it, its going to be good. Everything changes. It is life, I know its not fair but it is the life. And life has so many people and situation and circumstance, where it gives us opportunity to learn and grow personally and socially, spiritually. So, take it as a lesson from life, learn what it taught you through that specific situation, person or circumstances. Your life is not going to be same, it will change, new people, new friends, new world as you yourself will grow in age. Don't keep yourself from growing. Have a goal and achievements set in your heart and start working towards it. In life difficulties will come, people will go and come, life will continuously change but it will never stop. Keep learning, difficulties in the life gives you an opportunity to learn new things, discover the strength and potential that's already present inside you. This is the beautiful life God has given you, use it in a better way, not for some person who lost such a beautiful person like you. Darling, You can do it. We are with you, love you and care for you, that's why we are taking time from our life and replying you. So, you are not alone, we can do this together. Time heals everything, if you will let him do it. Go, out and do what you like, if you love pets get one, flower, shopping, meeting new friends, go out and do it. Keep your mind and schedule busy, so that your mind doesn't have time to think about that person. You can do it.
Love.

[Sarrah04]

Thanks precious. I've some plans for tmw, will execute them hopefully. I'll try to divert my mind and focus on more positive things. I love you all for your support too! Pouring it all out makes me feel so much better and motivation from all is the cherry on the top!

Thanks precious. I've some plans for tmw, will execute them hopefully. I'll try to divert my mind and focus on more positive things. I love you all for your support too! Pouring it all out makes me feel so much better and motivation from all is the cherry on the top!

[Precious7]

You brought the smile on my face now. I am sure you can and will do it. Take care.

[Sarrah04]

I went out twice today. University and then shopping with mother. I have high bp and high pulse rate. 145/102 and pulse is 113. I feel terrible going outside even. Doesn't help. What to dooooooooooooo? My head is going to explode. Hurts like hell

[Oliver2011]

Would you say you were more Positive Paula or Negative Nancy. I am guessing you know which one I would pick based on your postings. There is such a thing as depressing your way into bad health.

Yes break ups suck. Yes they are a total change in your life. We have all been through them and we have all come out the other side OK.

You know several years ago I lost the job that I absolutely loved. I had so many friends and it was a huge part of my life. It was a very bad moment in time. Then I got another job and eventually met the partner of my dreams. We are still together after 4 years and will eventually get married. I truly believe that when a door closes in your face you need to kick the next door open. So get off the pity wagon and start kicking the next door open.

I went out twice today. University and then shopping with mother. I have high bp and high pulse rate. 145/102 and pulse is 113. I feel terrible going outside even. Doesn't help. What to dooooooooooooo? My head is going to explode. Hurts like hell

[talaniman]

It's understandable you are so frustrated angry, and SCARED after the break up of a very bad relationship, probably your first, and most intense experience of the heart, of your life, and it will take quite some time to wrap your head around this very difficult, life changing event in your life. Many people don't even stay married for as long as you have dealt with this fellow, and abuse and failure have left you VERY hurt.

The same thing you did today, you must do it again, and again, until you regain your emotional balance, and can handle all those hurt feelings. Hang out with family, and friends, and plan activities you enjoy, and a close female friend who listens, and can help you vent would be a good idea. Maybe a dairy you can keep to write your feelings down, but share with no one can help also. The trick is to build a routine and get use to doing things with good people, on your own, as you heal, accept and regroup,and REBUILD a life that you enjoy, and put this whole thing behind you, which could take many days, weeks, months, and even years.

And stay out of relationships until you are really ready, and NOT just lonely. Takes time to get healthy again, so don't short change yourself. RELAX! I know easier said than done, but you will LEARN how. Just take your time, ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

It will get better!!

[Sarrah04]

Positive Paula and negative Nancy? Do you mean to say I need to change my approach towards life and things? Do I sound like a pessimist?

You are right, but the transition period is so tough. I know I cannot get over it overnight but the spells almost destroy me and my capabilities

Positive Paula and negative Nancy? Do you mean to say I need to change my approach towards life and things? Do I sound like a pessimist?

You are right, but the transition period is so tough. I know I cannot get over it overnight but the spells almost destroy me and my capabilities

[Oliver2011]

"Do you mean to say I need to change my approach towards life and things? Do I sound like a pessimist?" Oh heckies yes.

This is difficult yes I know, but I learned several years ago that you can't control what people say about you or think about you. You control what you think and how you feel. You control how you react to things. If you wake up daily and say "I am going to make this a great day" it will be a great day. Why give someone power over the way you feel.

"but the spells almost destroy me and my capabilities" - Because you are allowing it to. You probably don't understand that right now, but when you are able to look at this objectively you will.

If my partner and I were to break up for whatever reason, I would be sad and it definitely would be a life change. But I know it wouldn't break me because I am in control of that.

Positive Paula and negative Nancy? Do you mean to say I need to change my approach towards life and things? Do I sound like a pessimist?

You are right, but the transition period is so tough. I know I cannot get over it overnight but the spells almost destroy me and my capabilities

Positive Paula and negative Nancy? Do you mean to say I need to change my approach towards life and things? Do I sound like a pessimist?

You are right, but the transition period is so tough. I know I cannot get over it overnight but the spells almost destroy me and my capabilities

[Sarrah04]

Talaniman.. Yes I understand that. I'm trying to get out of it as well. I know once the difficult period is over, I can lead to a way better life. Just unbelievable how everything I tried to build all these years is shattered. I cannot still accept the fact, let alone getting into a relationship with anyone. If rebound was suggested I would have tried like I am trying to go out and keep myself busy. But I realize a healthy mind can lead to a healthy relationship, no one is going to babysit me right now if I get into one for this purpose.

[Sarrah04]

Okay, so maybe if I had changed my approach towards life and things before, I could have saved this relationship? Do you think it was worth it if we put everything aside and consider it was broken because of me acting like a pessimist? Every time we had a fight he asked me to leave in the last few ones. If he doesn't show up after promising just because he wanted to SLEEP and I was ready and waiting for him, I woke him up on phone. He said cancel it and slept. Is it not a good reason to nag about? Do you think my pessimism, refusal to get physical and giving cash caused this breakup?

[Oliver2011]

WHAT? You missed my point completely. Yes I think you approach a lot of things negatively. First off why would you want to return to someone that was using you as long as he kept you around. Do you think going back is heading your life in a positive direction? Forget him and move your life forward.

Okay, so maybe if I had changed my approach towards life and things before, I could have saved this relationship? Do you think it was worth it if we put everything aside and consider it was broken because of me acting like a pessimist? Every time we had a fight he asked me to leave in the last few ones. If he doesn't show up after promising just because he wanted to SLEEP and I was ready and waiting for him, I woke him up on phone. He said cancel it and slept. Is it not a good reason to nag about? Do you think my pessimism, refusal to get physical and giving cash caused this breakup?

[Sarrah04]

YEs I get that. I was just forced to think that maybe my negativity forced him to leave me.. But yea, it had to end one day I guess because he wasn't even working

[Oliver2011]

You can look at how you approach situations or people and see if there is room for improvement. Approaching things positive usually means there will be a positive outcome. I have a simple philosophy of life. It's not worth doing unless you are having fun, so make everything fun. Granted, that doesn't work at most funerals.

YEs I get that. I was just forced to think that maybe my negativity forced him to leave me.. But yea, it had to end one day I guess because he wasn't even working

[Sarrah04]

Okay so I've bern stalking him like anything and till yesterday I was frustrated and freaking out. But today when I'm stalking him, I'm just feeling all right. Nothing that frustrating. Is it a part of moving on or the worst is yet to come? Maybe I need to get immune to these things to make peace with the past. As someone said, some wounds only heal by deepening them and making them worse.