[Sarrah04]

I've been in relationship for 3.5 years with a guy from my uni. I'm 23 and he is 26. He has just completed his graduation and he promised he will find a job after graduation but later he refused and said he wanted to study further. We have broken up last week on his birthday. He asked me to move on. My parents want me to get married and this guy doesn't do anything obviously. I have loved him with all my heart and soul but he abused me on little things and then he left me and came back after a month or two. Apologizing and everything. It happened more tan 11 times and this time I'm planning on moving on and never going back to him.

I did everything for this relationship even I was the one financing it and him, on dates and everything. I'd never asked him for anything. He didn't even wish me anniversary because I was crossed at something he did. So he didn't bother. On his birthday, when I asked him what does he want for a gift he said gimme cash. I was so pissed. I have always wanted to give him surprises but he has disappointed me many times and then he goes that my surprises are lame. I did every single thing what he wanted me to. I learnt cooking and driving for him. I did his home work, I've pleased him in bed, I've bought him things of his choice and more. Where did I lack? I only wanted him to stay mine!

I had stopped being physical with him since I found him very selfish. When I refused for the money on his birthday, he broke up. He has been asking me to leave for many days but I was holding on. Then I let it go. He wanted sexual, monetary and moral benefits from me. He forced me to leave my friends esp. male. And now I've lost people. I'm done with my masters and at home. When I text people they hardly talk to me! I've lost them!

What should I do? I am afraid of going back to him out of loneliness. Please help and advise ASAP.

[smoothy]

You really have to think what you should do? I think you already know.

There are MANY better guys out there... find one of them. I have to ask WHY you wasted so much time on a user (and loser) and a taker.

[Oliver2011]

What is the urgency?

Maybe you need to set your standards a little higher with the next one. This one was truly a loser so move on. Live and learn and move your life forward.


What is the urgency?

Maybe you need to set your standards a little higher with the next one. This one was truly a loser so move on. Live and learn and move your life forward.

[Sarrah04]

You really have to think what you should do? I think you already know.

There are MANY better guys out there... find one of them. I have to ask WHY you wasted so much time on a user (and loser) and a taker.

I regret wasting so much time on him. 5 years of my life. 1.5 years being friends before getting into relation! How to get my friends back?

What is the urgency?

Maybe you need to set your standards a little higher with the next one. This one was truly a loser so move on. Live and learn and move your life forward.


What is the urgency?

Maybe you need to set your standards a little higher with the next one. This one was truly a loser so move on. Live and learn and move your life forward.

Just disappointed with the choice I made, I hope I choose someone better next time.

[CravenMorhead]

Why is this an issue?

Trust me when I say that, while comforting on some level, it is far worse to be in a relationship because you're afraid of being alone than being alone. Please re-read your post and imagine your best friend had came to you with that same situation. What would you say? Dump 'em! Good riddance! The best way to get over him is to get under his fri... um... Cancel that last one.

Regardless, let him go. Ignore the temper tantrum and the resulting pleadings to get back together. He won't change, we've seen this already. Concentrate on yourself and getting yourself in a place where you want to be. You've got your masters and the sky's the limit. Go out there and have fun. Without him.

[smoothy]

How do you get your friends back? Just go and talk with them... the ones who really were friends will welcome you back... and the rest really weren't good friends to begin with.

I've made major relocations in my life 6 times... two of those were international moves. I had to build a new base of friends where I was located each time as the old friends were too distant. Its really easy once you done it a few times. You will be doing it again after college most likely. If you end up working nearby, it would actually be rather unusual.

[Sarrah04]

How do you get your friends back? Just go and talk with them... the ones who really were friends will welcome you back... and the rest really weren't good friends to begin with.

I've made major relocations in my life 6 times... two of those were international moves. I had to build a new base of friends where I was located each time as the old friends were too distant. Its really easy once you done it a few times. You will be doing it again after college most likely. If you end up working nearby, it would actually be rather unusual.

Thanks, that was great help :)

Why is this an issue?

Trust me when I say that, while comforting on some level, it is far worse to be in a relationship because you're afraid of being alone than being alone. Please re-read your post and imagine your best friend had came to you with that same situation. What would you say? Dump 'em! Good riddance! The best way to get over him is to get under his fri... um... Cancel that last one.

Regardless, let him go. Ignore the temper tantrum and the resulting pleadings to get back together. He won't change, we've seen this already. Concentrate on yourself and getting yourself in a place where you want to be. You've got your masters and the sky's the limit. Go out there and have fun. Without him.

Im afraid he has some of my bold/nude pictures. He threatened me before that he will show those to my family if I don't get back to him, how to deal with it? I'm expecting this situation again.

[tickle]

He has bold/nude pics of you? Well call his bluff and all you can do is alert your family because eventually you will have to face the fallout and it might as well be now!

Get this over and done with and you will never have to worry about him again. He sounds like a really uncouth animal and, from the way your write, I would say you have a good head on your intelligent shoulders and got taken in by this crap guy.

[odinn7]

You can do better...allow yourself to do so.

The pictures? Eh, he might or might not do it but whatever happens, is it worth torturing yourself and going back to him to be treated like that? Not really.

You sound like you have done everything for him and tried your best, now it's time to worry about yourself and do things for you. Don't think about 5 wasted years, you are young still and there is plenty of time. Don't think about being lonely, give yourself time to get over this and get a clear head then things will improve for you. You will find someone that will treat you right if you give yourself a chance.

Good luck.

[CravenMorhead]

Hopefully you have that threat recorded. If he does then go to the police. That could be considered a sex crime and he's already admitted to it. The unfortunate thing about having naughty pictures digitally is that you have to have a HUGE amount of faith that the receiver won't share them. There are many sites that are dedicated to hosting pictures of people's exes. They break up and then post the image. Sad commentary on modern society I know. Don't be afraid of going to the police and make sure he knows that. Try not to think of him using those for his own... *cough*cough* purposes.

[talaniman]

this time I'm planning on moving on and never going back to him.

That's what you do and make better choices in the future. Don't let fear of what he can do stop you from following your own plan for a change without him. Sometimes you have to own your past mistakes to get beyond them, and do better in the future.

You have already fallen for a bunch of crap, time to stop.

[Sarrah04]

I went to a store and intentionally ask for the perfume I gifted him and he wore it every time we got close or met. I am so shattered. I thought this would be a part of moving on. Very difficult period. I am heart broken. Nothing brings peace to me. I've given my all and my best. I've a very very strange feeling which cannot be explained. Everything feels meaningless. At times I feel I should kill him or myself. He is back with the pornstars pictures and all. Everything I asked him to stop, he is doing those all over again. I need peace! I cry and cry and then I take sleeping pills and sleep for long! I don't want to wake up

[Precious7]

Hi Sarah, as craven said if you have those of his threatening recorded then its good, if not then you must do it when he threatens you next time, bcos it's that recording will help you in your dealing with him in future if he ever try to play with your picture and Blackmail you. See there was the time when you fell in love and then there was the time when the tensions began and there was the time when he showed his true color and you both broke up, and now you have cried enough and been upset enough, don't dwell in that as those times passed this also will pass and if you love yourself then you have to take responsibility of yourself and stop crying anymore for the one who don't even deserve it. I know its not easy, bcos you truly loved him. But understand he never loved you, as you yourself understood later that he just wanted moral and sexual benefits and he was selfish. So, if you came to know truth about him then its your responsibility to take care of yourselves, its not easy but also its possible. It happens with so may people around the world. They have to move on for their own life sake. But thank God that you came to now soon enough before even you got married with him. Just think! If you got married with him then afterwards he would have showed his true heart or color and then divorced you, then what would have happen with your heart and your life? Your life would have been shattered. But Now you got a chance to choose a correct person and right person for your life. Who loves you truly, who will love you for who you are not for his selfish desires and hidden agendas and will stay with you no matter what and want to grow old with you. Think about it. You have had thought enough about the sad side of it but now it's the time to think about Good side it. You got a new chance to correct your all mistakes and believe me, if you got the right person you will not even remember this guy! Lol. I hope you be good.

[ma0641]

"It happened more tan 11 times". He is just using you. Tell him goodby, he will treat you like that even if married!

[Sarrah04]

Thanks everyone.
ma0641 you're right. I just need to find someone better and move on. Is it okay to get into a rebound relationship? I think I need it.

[talaniman]

No, you don't need a rebound relationship to replace this unhealthy one. You NEED the good orderly direction of a healthy healing process.

Chances are very high you will replace the old abusive fool, with a new abusive fool, and that makes no sense.

Do you really want to take a chance of hurting yourself AGAIN? Get your dignity and self respect back first.

[catonsville]

Take it slow. Be thankful that it is over and move forward and don't look back. I have been there and done that, but guess what I got over it and you can too. Time is on your side.

[Sarrah04]

Can anybody please tell me what exactly to do? I'm here sitting numb, feeling absolutely shattered and hopeless. I keep stalking him and my mind keeps thinking that he would have replaced Me, deleted my messages and stuff! Just getting sick of it. It drains out all of my energy,

[joypulv]

Most of us have suffered from this grief in our lives. There are no easy answers. We KNOW the pain, the meaninglessness, and the wish to die. (PS: How about when you are 50 years old and it's your husband, and it's been a lot more than 5 years, and you get dumped in one single instant because a new younger woman came along?)

OK, WHAT TO DO:
First, go one by one to your old friends and apologize for being so dumb as to put one man in front of true friends, and ask if there is any way to get them back. You can't just drift back and say HI. You have to really be sorry.
Second, no rebound. You have a serious problem with giving too much - money, homework, everything. A healthy relationship is sharing equally, even if one of you gives one kind of thing and other other person another. A corollary to that is not expecting return! You do sound like you get easily hurt and angry and needy for attention, based on how much you give. That's a vicious cycle. You might even need therapy, if you can't see this. You GIVE too much and EXPECT too much, AND you have the very seriously misguided notion that he 'forced' you to give up friends. NO, you allowed him to influence you, and that is a world of difference.
Third, keep busy whether you want to or not. Ask people to drag you around with them in groups so that you can be depressed without feeling like you are ruining their fun. Ask them to NOT try to cheer you up or get you to participate much; just let you tag along.
Good luck. Been there.

[Sarrah04]

Thanks joypulv for the advices. Is it not right to give someone my all and my best and EXPECT them to stay loyal and good? He mattered to me the most in my social circle. I did/gave everything he wanted and I didn't expect THINGS in return. I only wanted him to treat me like I want to be treated. Yea, I do get hurt and angry very easily and if affects my health overall. I'll act upon your advices. I just can't wait for that time to come when I see him and feel absolutely nothing.