[adelenikkel]

I am a Director of Finance in an office of 10. My boss has a administrative assistant and for the past year she has had hostile body language towards me and is nice as sweet to everyone but me. Her husband was fired from the same company and someone feels I didn't stand up for him. When he was let go three years ago I tried to reach out and emphathize with her and she got mad at me so I never brought the subject up again. Now for the past year, she gives me the look as if she wants to kick me butt and if I ask her business questions or job related issues I get answers in either one word or the tone is dripping with hate. My problem is she knows the line with her words and she is not insubordinate in what she is saying, it's her body language and tone. I do not want to go to my boss because he thinks she is a great secretary and I would like to try and fix it on my own. Any suggestions?

[smoothy]

She can't be insubordinate to you because she doesn't answer to you. She answers to your boss. She gives you the answers she needs to without saying anything extra... Short of asking her if there is a problem and why.. there really isn't a lot you can do. Some people just don't like other people, even without a reason. In businesses everywhere, particularly in a small office... people know a lot more than what is officially told to everyone. If you actually had any involvement in his firing, even a small part (you know if you did or didn't).. odds are everyone else there knows about it even if they don't talk about it. I've been working over 35 years... and I know more about what's going on than my boss does on a lot of things that aren't even my direct responsibility. And it wasn't any different any other place I've worked before.

That's a huge mistake a lot of managers and higher make... assuming they can keep everything from the peons. The peons tend to get aggitated when the are talked down to. I myself have had Managers, Directors atc... I've gotten along well enough with to visit their homes... and knew their families. One I still talk to regularly 6 years after he got laid off. And I've had others that if I saw them along side the road on fire... I wouldn't make the effort to pee on them to put it out because of how they treated the "hired help". 20+ years later I still hold a world class grudge against that one, though I doubt he is even still alive (he was in his 60's back then).

We can only assume the office dynamics aren't like the latter I described.

[Alty]

We can't choose the people we work with. Some we'll like, some we'll tolerate, and others we'll despise.

Liking you is not in her job description. Since she hasn't done anything that's actionable, you'll just have to live with it.

You could try talking to her about your differences, and her dislike of you, but then you're crossing a line. If she takes it the wrong way, she could go to your boss and say you're harassing her.

I'd let it go. As long as she isn't hampering your job, there's no need for her to like you in order for you to work with her.

[Fr_Chuck]

Nothing you can do, just ignore her, and work professional with her I have worked in offices, where people really hated each other. You do you work, you are not there to be friends with everyone.