[kbe040512]

My fiancé and I have been together 2 years this past March. Our relationship was pretty up and down at first... I was being told he was a player and not to talk to him... etc. We met at the job and since I have left that job things got much better. I do have trust issues because I have been cheated on so I am not sure if this is coming from that... but here it goes.

I have two young children that he treats as his own. We have been together for over 2 years and have been engaged since February but he won't discuss marriage plans. He also won't move in together. In the past before we got engaged he wouldn't live with me because I smoked... I now have been smoke free for over 6 months and he tells me now he is trying to save money to move in together. But he has his own three bedroom place now and won't allow us living together now or just says that he never said that wasn't an option but then doesn't say anything else about it.

Some days it is three or four days that will go by before I see him, he is a car salesman so he works crazy hours. We talk all the time during the day though. We only spend 2 full nights together a month, used to we spent every weekend with him and now it's just when the kids are at their dads for the weekend. Does he really want this relationship?

[tickle]

Does he really want this relationship you say ? Well you would have to wonder, so I understand why you are here asking.

I would have to say, give him an ultimatum, get off his butt and make a commitment, or you are going to look elsewhere.

You two should be further along after two years, making a date and getting on with life together. He is not committing to you, so he has cold feet.

[talaniman]

It seems he has the relationship he wants for now, and isn't ready to change things, or move to the next level. So you can keep doing what you are doing and wait for him to get ready, or evaluate if this is heading in the direction YOU want it too, and the pace you want.

You may be at the crossroads of making a decision about what YOU want to do next, and follow through. Maybe you are too available for his program so he can ignore yours. Maybe he is taking you for granted because he knows you will keep going along with his program.

What do you think?


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[broken_ heart]

Agreed with Tal... its been 2 years you have been together... and if you allow him to continue with this behaviour... he will... and one day.. he will get someone.. so I would suggest... talk to him about your concern... and get to a decision.. sooner you can...

[dontknownuthin]

I would tell him "I feel you are the right man but this is not the right relationship. I Want to move forward. I don't feel it's right to pressure you so we need to break up. If you reach a point of being ready to get married, be home daily with me and the kids, work toward shared goals, and live as a family unit, let me know. If you feel it is a sacrifice to be with me and my kids when you aren't working, you aren't ready for an adult relationship ordered toward a committed marriage, and that is the only kind of relationship I want with you." Don't compromise. If he agrees to set a date, insist it is a no more than six months out, and if he doesn't want you to move in, he needs to put that house on the market and start looking with you seriously. Any reluctance on his part means he isn't ready, so walk away.