[Mwme15]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8months. We have had constant fighting over dumb things. He gets incredibly jealous over everything and when I wear anything but a potato sack. He doesn't trust me and questions why I don't punch guys in the face for smiling at me. He has told me that in order for him to trust me he has to detach himself from me and not care about keeping me so that he can not be so let down if I cheat or leave him. He can also be very loving but the times I see that side of him are dwindling. This is just to give you a bit of insight...

A little while ago he told me that if I wished him a happy birthday he would not speak to me for an entire week. He said that he absolutely does not desire to celebrate himself. When his birthday came along I wished him a happy birthday. He had already been ignoring me for two days before his birthday. He sent me an email that said "I'll talk to ya in a week" after I sent him a happy birthday message. I wasn't going to submit to his wishes for what he wanted on his birthday because I love him and wanted him to know that although he doesn't feel his life is worth celebrating, I do. It has been 5 days without talking and he is still ignoring my attempts to talk and work this "fight" out. I feel angry because I did nothing wrong. I feel upset because he is able to ignore me for so long. I feel worried because our anniversary is tomorrow and I don't think I'll hear from him. I don't feel very cared for either.

I love this guy so very much and I hate what he is doing. What should I do? Give me your opinion on the matter.

[Wondergirl]

Do you know anything about his growing up years and family life? It sounds like he believes he is worthless and only by controlling you can he feel like he is somebody.

[smoothy]

If you have been constantly fighting with him... why are you still with him? Do you think that one day you will wake up and everythign will change completely?

Move on...it doesn't matter why or who starts it, in a good relationship you will rarely have a disagreement and VERY rarely have a fight. You can do better. There are far more compatible people out there than him.

[Oliver2011]

Your first sentence reads: "My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8months." It should read: "My unfriendly cantankerous difficult argumentative controlling acquaintance and I have been going out for 8months."

In other words what you have is not a boyfriend. And controlling bad behaviors don't get better over time.

[DoulaLC]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8months. We have had constant fighting over dumb things. He gets incredibly jealous over everything and when I wear anything but a potato sack. He doesn't trust me and questions why I don't punch guys in the face for smiling at me. He has told me that in order for him to trust me he has to detach himself from me and not care about keeping me so that he can not be so let down if I cheat or leave him. He can also be very loving but the times I see that side of him are dwindling. This is just to give you a bit of insight...

A little while ago he told me that if I wished him a happy birthday he would not speak to me for an entire week. He said that he absolutely does not desire to celebrate himself. When his birthday came along I wished him a happy birthday. He had already been ignoring me for two days before his birthday. He sent me an email that said "I'll talk to ya in a week" after I sent him a happy birthday message. I wasn't going to submit to his wishes for what he wanted on his birthday because I love him and wanted him to know that although he doesn't feel his life is worth celebrating, I do. It has been 5 days without talking and he is still ignoring my attempts to talk and work this "fight" out. I feel angry because I did nothing wrong. I feel upset because he is able to ignore me for so long. I feel worried because our anniversary is tomorrow and I don't think I'll hear from him. I don't feel very cared for either.

I love this guy so very much and I hate what he is doing. What should I do? Give me your opinion on the matter.

Reread what you have written and think about what you would tell your best girlfriend if she had shared the same information with you. Would you tell her he sounds like a great guy? Would you tell her how mature, thoughtful, and caring he appears to be? Would you tell her that you can see he must obviously love and care about her a great deal with how he has been treating her these last 8 months?

This relationship seems to be all about him and what he wants, what he feels, what bothers him....where are you in the relationship??

My opinion: I'd tell him that his behavior is not what I am really wanting in a boyfriend. I'd tell him that I was really hoping for someone who wanted to spend time with me, enjoyed the person I am, trusts me even when we aren't together, and who is willing to talk to me when we have disagreements, even if it is difficult.

Then I would count this relationship as a lesson learned for what to pay attention to in the future so that it doesn't take me 8 months to realize that it isn't how I wanted to be treated.

[catonsville]

WHY, WHY, WHY are you subjecting yourself to this punishment? Are you hoping for him to change, sounds like he needs to contact a "shrink"? Move on. You can look back and say, yeah I dated that "Putz" for 8 months.

[talaniman]

he told me that if I wished him a happy birthday he would not speak to me for an entire week. He said that he absolutely does not desire to celebrate himself. When his birthday came along I wished him a happy birthday.

The controlling fool did what he said he would do so why be mad? You ask for it, now use common sense and ignore HIM permanently, and keep your dignity, and self respect and give yourself a chance to get a REAL love with a REAL man, not a self absorbed jealous FOOL.

[ma0641]

"My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8months. We have had constant fighting over dumb things. He gets incredibly jealous over everything and when I wear anything but a potato sack. He doesn't trust me and questions why I don't punch guys in the face for smiling at me."
Sounds like you may be fighting over dumb things for your whole life if you continue this relationship. Very controlling person. Say Goodbye!

[Mwme15]

Well he is also bipolar so that fits in. But I wouldn't say he grew up terribly. His family seems quite loving. But I stay because I love him. Simple as that. I keep hoping for the old him to show up again.

[J_9]

Well he is also bipolar so that fits in. But I wouldn't say he grew up terribly. His family seems quite loving. But I stay because I love him. Simple as that. I keep hoping for the old him to show up again.

Being bipolar is no excuse for being abusive. He is abusive towards you. Plain and simple.

You keep hoping for the "old him" to show up, but it won't unless he stays on his medication. Chances of him staying on medication are very slim, while it does happen, most people who have true bipolar disorder must stay on medications for life.

He is emotionally and verbally abusive to you. This won't change and don't think that you can change him. You can't.

If you love him as much as you say you do you have to do one of two things:

1) Accept that he will always be abusive, and this could escalate to physical abuse; or

2) Leave for your own sanity and self esteem.

You deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy, this is not healthy, this is toxic.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are making a mistake, and making excuses... This is him, his real nature... he will just get worst, and soon, control you...

Run,, run,, be glad, he is not talking to you

[J_9]

May we ask how old you are?

[odinn7]

You're better off without him. He's a controlling bum and you can do better.

[Mwme15]

He refuses to go on medication. It's obviously a touchy subject. But I am 17 and he just turned 21

[catonsville]

Well he is also bipolar so that fits in. But I wouldn't say he grew up terribly. His family seems quite loving. But I stay because I love him. Simple as that. I keep hoping for the old him to show up again.

Hmmm, I wonder what his next trick will be? Could get worse and not better. Leave while you are well off. No excuse for his behavior towards you, he telegraphed what he was going to do and he did it knowing all to well it was going to hurt you.

PS I just happened to see your post stating you are 17 and he is 21. He is set in his ways and as long as you put up with his actions and no meds, that spells trouble for sure, do leave.

[Mwme15]

The side that loves him keeps saying "just hold on a little longer..". I might just be setting myself up for more hurt but it's what I have been doing. Forgive and forget. I'm comfortable here but I don't want to be. I'm stupid. I know

[catonsville]

The side that loves him keeps saying "just hold on a little longer..". I might just be setting myself up for more hurt but it's what I have been doing. Forgive and forget. I'm comfortable here but I don't want to be. I'm stupid. I know

This is the last thing I will say about this and that is, he is testing you. Testing to see how much control he can have over you. First it is a one week test and then what will he come up with next, this does not bode well for you. Good Luck.

[DoulaLC]

You're not stupid, just letting your heart get in the way of your head. You know it's not healthy, you know things won't change, you know that you can't fix him... it has been 8 months already. Again, what would you tell your best friend in this situation?

As was said, you either accept more of the same or you make a change. Also, now would be a good time to make the break since he isn't talking to you anyway. But you would have to do so whole heartedly.no being meek and cautious about it. He will try to draw you back into the same mess. Confide in family and friends to help you keep your resolve.

Change is hard sometimes, you're comfortable, but I bet you would be far more comfortable not having to walk on egg shells, having someone watch and try to orchestrate your every move!

You'd be better off finding peace on your own than staying in that.

You are 17... this has been a real eye opener of the sort of situation to avoid in future relationships... and you will likely have several before you find someone again that you will love, but they will truly love you in return and know how to show it in ways that make you feel loved, cared for, and respected.

You may very well love him, but that doesn't make him a good partner for you. Sometimes love truly is not enough... especially when it is so one sided.

[Mwme15]

Always had trouble leaving. The guy before him was physically abusive and my current boyfriend started as a friend that helped me to leave him. Love was not the factor holding me back there. It was fear. I feel indepted to him now. He stuck by my side while I was going through something terrible. I feel like he deserves to have me deal with his issues now. Idk but I have lots of new things to think about. Thank you for the helpful advice.

[Fr_Chuck]

This is emotional and mental abuse, and in many ways, far worst than the physical. He will break you down, emotionally and mentally to the point, you will think, you deserve to be treated badly... This will only get worst and worst.

Would be surprised if the physcial does not happen at some point