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RickB · Apr 11, 2007, 02:53 PM

Ok so I was dating this girl that I'm in love with for 18 months. About six months ago I was diagnosed with HPV. SHe wasn't the one that gave it to me I think I had started showing small warts right before we met. I didn't know what it was and thought nothing of it. We were together for about a year then she went to the Gyno and came back possitive for CHlymidia. So I went in for treament and other tests. They told me I had hpv warts. So I told her and we haven't had sex for the past 6 months. I know why she didn't want to because of all this but 2 weeks ago I got her to come out with the truth that she's been holding out from telling me and she told me she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. I fell apart when she told me and she was crying a lot. She didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to be upset? Everything else was fine with our relationship. I was never needy or wussy and we had our small fights. I would try touching her to get her going but was always mad and said she's not in the mood. I never really pushed the whole sex thing either. I tried to figure out why she felt this way and even try asking a lot of questions and even second guessing her which pissed her off. SHe told me the reason she lost sexual attraction was because Of hpv and that is has NO CURE. No matter what I tried to tell her and give her as much info as I could on the virus she just keeps saying "I DONT HAVE AN ON OFF SWITCH" so I spent my last weekend over her house like I have been doing for the entire relationship. SO I asked her does she think we need a break and she said yes. SO for the rest of the weekend we just went out as friends and did the normal like nothing bothered us. I still think she loves me but is very confused cause she doesn't think she has HPV but having sex with someone for ayear with no condom she has to have it. But since she didn't get to the gyno till a year later her immune system might have gotten rid of it. I've even told her this. SHe got over the chlymidia problem cause there was a cure. Right now we haven't talked since Sunday and I figure ill just wait till she calls me. What do you all think?

amy99roo · Apr 11, 2007, 03:40 PM

I was in a similar situation with a boyfriend. Only he had given me the HPV virus that can cause cervical cancer with no effects to him (he refused to admit he had given it to me). I also tried to explain things to him and make him see the logic. I could never get him to understand and we broke up over a matter of 3 months with no sex. He never told me how he felt but I knew the problem and as a result tried over and over to prove things would be okay. He went to the doctor countless times and talked about how he kept checking himself out; that made me feel 'dirty' and guilty.

I know you love her but some people cannot understand these kinds of things. I thought he would as well and he never did. It only hurt more and longer to try to make him understand. Over 80% of women have some HPV virus. She is definitely exposed and infected and this probably not the first time; although not normal, it is typical. Maybe you can get her to go to the doctor with you or a planned parenthood. But it sounds to me that you are in the same position as I was.

It's hard... especially considering the circumstances. I wish you the best of luck.

RickB · Apr 11, 2007, 03:53 PM

Yeah I've told her id even pay for her exam if the gyno she goes to know won't take her earlier then OCT. She's only 19 I'm 24 she has had sex with a total of about 6 people including me. SHe has never showed any signs and never had and std before me. Would be easier for her to get it threw her head if she got an HPV test and showed she had it. But id hate to have her go threw anything like I have to. I still have warts after aldera but I'm still on it and boosting my immune system at the same time so its still working but its been about almost 2 years. I would never leave my girlfriend over just sex. But I think she's having a harder time without it then I am. I've learned about what a real loving relationship is about and messed up a lot in the past.

amy99roo · Apr 12, 2007, 05:46 AM

Unless she shows signs of warts she will need to have a pap smear to determine whether she has HPV DNA on her cervix. Unless the virus is active in her cervix this may come up negative as well. If she has had sex with 6 people the odds are this is not the first time she has contracted HPV. Sometimes you cannot get someone to understand something they won't. She's 19... mature or not, she needs some time to learn.

RickB · Apr 12, 2007, 01:10 PM

Ill let her know this whenever she decides to talk to me first

RickB · Apr 17, 2007, 04:41 AM

Little update:

I accually got to see her last weekend for a little. I stayed at my friends house but had to leave his house on Sunday and stay at her house for the night since the rain here was bad. Her brother and I are good friends and we were hanging out on Sunday when my ex and her mom were out for the day. SHe ended up going to the movies with some friends which I don't have a problem with her chilling with friends or who ever. Nothing I can do anyway, she's just living her life. I talked to her last night I talked to her first cause I had to tell her about the cell phone bill charges. I got her a phone under my account for her, she doesn't mind paying for it either. She told me she doesn't care if I come over. IN her words. " no its fine i dont want you to think i dont want you there i just thought it would be better for the both of us i really dont mind if you stay" IM not sure what I should do. We are friends and she doesn't mind having me over but just as friends. SHould I back off some and not talk to her at all for a few weeks? She doesn't call me at all, and doesn't send me messages over AIM when she's online. SHe told me she's doing OK with the breakup and I told her the same. I personally don't think we will get back together, and worried what will happen when she gets a new boyfriend. I know she will make time with me even if she had a boyfriend cause that's the way she is and will tell her new boyfriend that she will hang out with friends even if he doesn't want her to. But I had a problem with her seeing her ex's and she stopped when I told her to. Thanks for reading what I have to say.

talaniman · Apr 17, 2007, 05:56 AM

This is a situation you must accept, and even though you are in friends zone now, I think backing off gracefully will do you a lot of good. You do have a life without her don't you?? If not, now would be the time to get one.

RickB · Apr 17, 2007, 02:08 PM

IM just really good friends with the whole family, they all think she's stupid so do I but its up to her.

RickB · Apr 24, 2007, 04:55 AM

UPDATE:

Since the breakup I have yet to stop all contact. Its hard since her family wants me around. ME and her brother and sister have been hanging out some and I see my ex at times on the weekend. She's living her life meeting new guys and hanging out with old guy friends also. I feel like a sucker and want to break contact so I'm going to start with not going up to her house this weekend. But recently I've been a little upset cause when I see her online she never contacts me or calls like she used to. I don't talk to her online either just when I see her on the weekends. Well last weekend we talked a little just as friends of course. But she was telling me she feels in ignoring her and I feel the same way and I told her how I felt about not talking. She says she will start talking to me more and start convos first since she doesn't want to loose me as a friend. This all sounds like bad news to me. I just don't want her to think I hate her if I ignore her. Anymore ideas? Like I said its hard to break total contact least with her family. I don't mind being friends but I don't want to be her buddy either.