[TigerGuy]

Where do I start, I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, I am now 21 and she is 23 we got together at a young age and have been through so much together. Recently we have been going downhill but there are so many things, first of all when I met her she was living with her dad, I was living with my parents.

After 2 years of being together her dad decided to move 300 miles away and she decided to stay because she had just got a new job, she doesn't speak to her dad at the moment due to arguments and stuff, anyway she got her own flat at this point and we would see each other almost every day after she finished work and I was studying at this point. After about 6 months of her living in her flat she could no longer afford to live there due to the cost of rent and other bills and debts she had. Because we had been seeing each other so much I asked my parents if she could come a stay with me, this would allow her to pay debts off and save money. So she has been living with me ever since, it was supposed to be temporary but she seemed fine with it, anyway the time has come that she thinks we need a break after 5 years. I know she wants to move out again and get her own place and I said we should both move out but she said she wants her own space and independence, with me perhaps staying a few nights a week. She told me she loves me but not sure if she wants to be with me and she wants to see how she feels when alone to try and work things out.

I understand this but it's very awkward because she is still living with me and she comes back from work and just seems unhappy, there are more problems. I think she is starting to like someone else from her job. She is very attractive and she is always speaking to this guy (he is a player) and they spend a lot of time together along with her other work friends, and she has deleted texts from this guy as well. I seen one text and he asked her to go and take a "picture" for him. You know what type of picture I'm talking about. When I asked her about this she said she didn't respond to it but she still texts him a lot she said they are just friends (he has a girlfriend, but there not very serious). We both work for the same company (she helped me get a job) but we work in different stores, because we spent so much time together over the last 5 years, we don't really speak to our old friends because of this, but now she has new friends at work and I don't see my friends much because they are always busy or have girlfriends.

I want to try and work things out but I'm worried she is falling out of love with me and likes someone else. We have spoken about it and she just said she needs her own space to find out what she wants. This is a massive shock. She used to love just spending time with me and get mad when I done stuff without her. I'm sick of worrying about this because I know when she does move out everything will change and it may be over, and everything we have been through will be gone in an instant. I have loved her for so long and she said we will always be friends no matter what. I could not bare to see her with anyone else it would just crush me.

The problem is we need a break but she doesn't have her own place yet. I used to wake up and think I was the luckiest guy ever but now it feels like I've lost everything, and the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm from the UK and we have been on holidays together and done so much together and been there for each other when times got hard. 6 months ago we were fine but it feels like we have slowly gone down since and I haven't done anything and I'm trying to rack my brain to see where it's gone wrong, we always used to plan things to do when we were off work and always have fun together. But now when we're not working and she's not with her work friends we just act so different.

[ma0641]

"she said we will always be friends no matter what, I could not bare(sic) to see her with anyone else it would just crush me. Hmmm, I think she said goodbye-"friends" is the keyword.

[Catsmine]

Sounds like you may have developed a little co-dependency issue, if you've blown off other friends to spend time only with her. I also see hints of jealousy and possessiveness in your post. Do you have any other interests? Romantic literature aside, a little "me" time is necessary for people to grow.


Living in your home with your parents has got to be stressful. It might be time to give her a little space. Helping her grow will show your love much more positively than holding her so close that you stifle her.


How did that old saying go? 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, you'll know it was meant to be.' Something like that.

[TigerGuy]

Thanks for the replys, the whole " we're always be friends thing " is something that we have always said when we have talked in the past, and she basically just said she always wants to be part of my life no matter what, I said this about her as well, but when reality slaps you in the face like this I come to realise that it would be hard to be friends if we did break up.

I know what you mean about letting her go and she used to be a little controlling over me and if I spoke to other girls who are friends she would get mad, she still does but not so much.

I want to give her space which is why I am trying to help her move out and we can go from there, it's just hard at the moment because like I said we are still living together and until she finds her own place it's putting more stress on what we do have left.

And as for a little "me" time I did play a lot of football and other sports, this has recently stopped due to working different hours

[DoulaLC]

Is there anyway that she could move in with one of her friends for sort of a transition time until she gets a place of her own? It may ease the stress on both of you. Otherwise, any sort of time frame that she is looking at for getting her own place?

It's possible space and time will make her rethink things, but it is also possible that your relationship is winding down for her. Over the years, she may have changed enough to want different things in her life... at least for now. There is no way to know what the future might hold, but you really have no choice but to let her have the time to figure out what she wants. It is always nice to say that you will remain friends, and sometimes it does turn out that way, but many times it does not. People move on, get involved in their lives, and friendships run their course.

In the meantime, try to reestablish some of those old friendships you had, or foster new ones. Focus on work and family. If things don't work out between the two of you, obviously it will be painful, but you will get through it with time, and having some friendships and your family to rely on if need be will be helpful.

[talaniman]

If she isn't happy or committed enough to get a place with you, for whatever reason, then you my friend have to make a decision to stand on your own and build your own life. Sorry but after 5 years, its obvious she ain't in it to win it with YOU.

Difficult you live together, and totally unfair. This cannot be saved unless you BOTH are committed to save it. Go have fun without her and let her get over herself. A couple that isn't great together, has to be great apart, and I sure wouldn't let her call the shot and run the program in my parents house.

Think, its disgusting to be searching for yourself after 5 years don't you think? Let her go do her thing, and you do yours for probably the first time in your adult life.

[TigerGuy]

Thanks for all the answers, we are working on trying to find her somewhere else, it shouldn't take long. She did say she wants her own inderpendance without me being there all the time, because for almost 5 years we have seen each other almost every day, and if we moved out together straight away then we would be in the same situation, she wants time to miss me and work things out and she how she feels. I told her I understand what will probably happen but she said she is confused, I can only give it time and she what the future brings.