[marshal1996]

Hi my name is marshal am 18 years old and I have been depressed since god knows when... I think since I was 13 years old... told my parents few time unpurposely but the last time I told them they took me to a doctor.
Don't really know why am depressed... but I think that its because I was Bullyed a lot back then and mocked for so many years but I forgot about those people I once thought friends and really bad things can't stop happening in my life literally since I was born.
I always take every thing in a sense of humar but inside is totally different .
I have been having those dreams of people close to me dying every day for the last 4 years even day dreams... but I don't care about that a lot .
What really scars me is that I started to have this anger inside years ago and never told anyone... and this anger I can't even describe it.. I have been holding it for years in ways like ((hearing metal songs and going crazy alone , going to gyms and fight clubs , smoking a lot a lot , hurting myself,hitting things )) but that always work for a short time and the anger grows... I have too much anger I can easly beat someone to death and am starting to be afraid about my family from me and I think about taking my life a lot in a lot of ways and I keep hiting things till they break or my hand start to bleed.
Sometimes I feel like I really want to cry in the middle of no where but I cant... never could :(... I never cried when they hited me no matter how hard and now I can hardly drop a tear even when I want to.
Am a strong guy like I said I go to gyms and fight clubs so I can hurt anyone easly and I feel like I want to explo and someone is really going to get hurt when I do... so please help am not stable anymore... and thanks

[odinn7]

You need professional help. You ask us for help but really, what is it that we can do for you online? There is no magic solution. You need to see a therapist and talk to them about your problem. You can't lie or hold anything back when you talk to them...you need to get it all out in the open.

Recognizing that you have a problem puts you half way there, now just finish it off and get professional help.

[Jake2008]

You are having serious mental health issues, otherwise, you would not have overwhelming thoughts of killing yourself, or others, including your family.

That being said, it is important for you to get help, and get help immediately. If you have had any psychiatric help in the past, it is important to see your doctor, particularly the doctor who has diagnosed you with depression.

If you have not had psychiatric help, and not been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with depression (or anything else), it is essential that you make arrangements right away.

Your parents need to know what is going on with you. It would be a start to even print off the question you have posted here, and take it from there. If they are at all concerned about you, they'll help you with getting an immediate assessment. If they are unwilling to help, find someone who will help you, or get yourself to an emergency clinic, or your family doctor or call a help line. Get a connection somewhere, and find out what you need to do to find the help you need.

The only alternative you have is to do nothing, and from what you have said, the consequences of your anger will be far, far worse.

Please post again with progress that you have made.

[Alty]

You said your parents took you to a doctor. A medical doctor, or one that deals with mental health issues?

It's long past time for you to seek therapy for this. If this is as bad as you say, and you're a danger to others or yourself, you may need to go into treatment in a facility where they can deal with these sorts of issues. They can help you with either medication, or therapy. There will be no quick fix for this, but it's worth it to get the help you need, even if it's not instant.

Please seek help for this before you do the terrible things you're dreaming of doing.

[Cat1864]

Is there counseling and/or therapy available in the area of Syria (previous post) you are in?

[marshal1996]

What are you saying is true...
But my parents already think am crazy because of the things I like to do in my free time (like my taste of Metal music , putting crazy pictures on my room wall , writing in blood... ) so I can't open up to them or even my friends because I don't trust anyone of them... did before and bad things happened
And we don't have good doctors in syria they are all messed up... doctors did really bad thing to me since I was a kid (one of them kept me on a really strkt diet for 5 years and I had nothing ) and I have been living my life time with doctors because am always sick so I don't trust them anymore and never will .
And that's my problem... am always know to be strong and silent and I don't want to mess up that photo of me between people because like I said I don't trust them...
And really thanks.