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KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 07:18 AM

See, the thing is: I want to move in with my mom. I live with my dad and my stepmom. My dad hasn't allowed me to see her since I was, like, 4. I don't get along with my dad that much, and he always calls me retard. Sometimes when I don't do something right he will pull my hair, hit my head, pull my ear hard, or spank me. I don't want that anymore! My mom lives in Mexico, and she is willing to come and get me so I can live with her. But I am totally afraid to ask my dad if I can live with her. So I'm thinking of running away to live with her. Is it illegal for me to run away? Is it illegal for her to take me in without my dad's permission? I live in NC, so this will be difficult. I just don't want her to get in trouble. Please help me!!

smoothy · Jun 16, 2014, 07:43 AM

Its illegal for you to run away, its illegal for her to take you because your father has custody of you. At 13 you don't get to make the decision yourself.

Your mother would have to hire a lawyer, go to court, and fight to have the custody order changed, and she would have to win. THat is how it can be changed legally so you could live with her.

Running away will get YOU in a lot of trouble... her taking you or allowing you to live there with her without your fathers permission or the court changing the custody, would get your mother is a lot of legal trouble.

Oliver2011 · Jun 16, 2014, 07:45 AM

Running away is not the best solution right now. It's not safe and you are too young to take care of yourself.

Here's a better plan. Take exactly what you wrote and tell a trusted adult either at school, church, or a family friend. If you are still in school right now, which I know it's summer and you probably aren't, then go to the Guidance Counselor.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 07:49 AM

My dad does not have custody of me. Neither my mom or my dad signed papers.

smoothy · Jun 16, 2014, 08:07 AM

Are you sure of this? Maybe they just didn't tell you? I mean is it IS possible....but its also possible you just don't know unless your father told you this.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 08:08 AM

I live in NC, I am now 14. (I forgot my birthday was last week, so if I say I am 13 I am really 14.)My mom lives in Mexico, and I was born in California. My dad took me from my mom because she was not able to support me financially. He to me back to the U.S, where we lived in Florida. He met my stepmom there, and they got married when I was 9. Anyway, my dad did not allow my mom to come near me. The last time I saw her in person was when I was 4. We were visiting Mexico, and my dad's cousin found out we were here, so she told my mom. So I got to spend a little time with her. Years later, my dad found out I had a Facebook, which was not allowed. I was 13. My dad helped me look for my mom on Facebook, and I have been talking to her a lot ever since. I learned about my past, where I was born, and some more stuff I didn't know. She told me it wasn't right for my dad to call me pendeja, or retard, or dumbass. It wasn't right for him to pull my hair. It wasn't right for him to hit my head hard, or pull/pinch my ear. It wasn't right for him to spank me. So I REALLY want to live with her. I want to leave my house without him knowing, and live with her. Advice, please? Sorry my question was so long, I just wanted to give some background information.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 08:13 AM

My mom told me that she did not sign papers handing total custody to him. They did not go to court.

smoothy · Jun 16, 2014, 08:19 AM

So why doesn't she get a lawyer and file for custody in the court? Then it would be legal. If you run away, your father calls the police, you get in trouble... then your mother gets in trouble and if your father then files for custody, he is more likely to get it.

You simply aren't allowed to make this decision on your own.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 08:26 AM

Crap. I wish I could choose who I could live with. I guess it WOULD be simpler if she hired a lawyer. Now that she's a nurse, she can afford one. I think. Along with my half-brothers, it might be hard. Hmm... Can you help me some more?

smoothy · Jun 16, 2014, 08:28 AM

It happens every day when parents split up... I don't know how much it would cost but it doesn't HAVE to be expensive. But if its done it saves everyone a lot of trouble. And causing the least trouble is whats best for everyone involved.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 08:32 AM

I need to talk with her. How about advice to talk with my dad? I am so afraid he will say no, or worse, kick me out of the house, or even worse, keep me from seeing her or talking to her again.

smoothy · Jun 16, 2014, 08:49 AM

He won't "kick you out" also keep in mind... if you like many other kids... particularly teen agers... are trying to go where they think they can get away with more things, they usually find out they aren't better off than they were before if they get what they were wanting, and usually are worse off.

If she doesn't live close it means different schools... differnt friends... etc.

Have you ever heard someone say, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence? What that means is things always look better than they really are. When you get to that place you have been thinking about... you find things are never as perfect as you imagined them to be.

THere might also be reasons you don't know for why HE was raising you and not her all these years... There is usually a very interesting story behind when the father raises the child instead of the mother. One the children rarely hear until they are MUCH older if ever. I think there is an interesting one here as well.

At 18 in a very few short years you will legally be an adult and in many cases responsible for getting a gob and supporting yourself. That's a LOT of maturing you will be going through in that time, and it doesn't stop at 18, there is still a lot more through your early 20's.

How about one evening when nobodies upset... you simply ask him? Pick the time and place carefully...don't do it when he's busy with something or if you have been fighting about chores or anything all day.

AK lawyer · Jun 16, 2014, 08:52 AM

One other thing should be mentioned: if OP were to travel to Mexico to join her mother, she would need a passport. It's not clear whether she is a U.S. citizen (she would be if she was born in the U.S.). So, after her mother gets a court order for custody, it will be necessary to get a passport. I don't know if Mexico will let her into their country without one.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 08:53 AM

The grass IS greener on the other side. I have exactly 7 friends. Schools, friends, it doesn't matter. She has promised she will treat me good. I think I have nothing to lose.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 08:56 AM

My mom is Mexican, she is not a US citizen. My dad is Mexican, too, but he came to the States when he was like 11, so he is a US citizen now.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2014, 08:56 AM

Why exactly did he take you away from her? There must have been serious problems. And is she stable now? married? how many children?

Be very careful and do this the right way.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 09:00 AM

My mom is 33, has 2 kids, and is a nurse.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2014, 09:03 AM

Is she married? If so, what does her husband think about supporting one more child? -- and a teen on top of it.

KitKatKassi · Jun 16, 2014, 09:08 AM

No, she's not married. She's had a couple of boyfriends( that's how I got 2 half-brothers). And I am not your average teenager. I hardly ask for anything, I don't talk back to teachers or my parents, and I am mature for my age.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2014, 09:23 AM

Your mom will be able to support three children on a nurse's salary? Maybe first talk with your dad about doing this. He may have some good advice for you. Mexico isn't the best place to live right now, plus trying to travel there on your own would be both expensive and dangerous.