[Scarletme]

I am stuck. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend is extremely possessive about me. Not letting me talk to my guy friends. Not lettiNg me wear what I want to. He wants to know everything I do. Even abuses me. insults me for ex. I wanted to go out with my group of friends for a movie today, which includes 3 girls and 2 boys but he won't let me go. I even talked to him persuaded him that I love him only and they are friends. Nothing of the sort will happen.

I have never cheated on him, never lied to him, tell him everything, talks to him whenever he wants to. He know he's somewhat wrong in controlling me like this, but still he won't stop. He never admits it when he's wrong. I end up begging for sorry even when its his mistake. We are physically very strongly involved. He's very dominating. Its my first relation and his second. His ex dumped because of his these habits only I don't know what to do. We have tried breaking up twice, but it didn't work out. He always says he will change but it never happens. He threatens me that he won't marry me because I am not a good girl. He even calls me a slut, and cheap.

I know I should break up with him, but the thing is I have never dealt with a breakup. I don't know how I will ignore him after it. It will be really hard for me. He says he will ruin himself if we ever broke up. I don't want that. I care for him a lot. I want to be friends with him even if we broke up so that I can see to it that he is OK. Please help guys. I'm in a big mess. I feel like dying.

[smoothy]

You don't have a lot of self respect or dignity apparently if you hang around a world class loser like him.

How can breaking up possibly not work? BILLIONS of people successfully don't have something to do with the BILLIONS of other people every day... breaking up is easy.

Let him kill himself... know what... I bet he won't. He doesn't have the balls... but he likes to make you think he would.

You really have two choices... wlak away from this loser... or stay with him and stop complaining. Because its your choice to make either way. You can't have it both ways... and you aren't going to turn him into anything worth having either. Its your life you are wasting. You only get one, why waste it on half a man when there are so many better men out there.

Wake up.....smell the coffee....you can expect a lot more of this from him as long as you stay with him.....can you look at yourself in the mirror every morning if you keep putting up with it? I know I couldn't. I have too much self respect.

[Oliver2011]

You don't have a boyfriend. You have a horrible boss. That isn't a relationship. Controlling behaviors only get worse as time moves on. You need to move on. Breaking up is an option. If he makes one wrong move call the police.

[smoothy]

Maybe she wants to become another domestic violence statistic... if he hasn't beat her yet, its coming... everything you said about him indicates he will be yet another wife or girlfriend beater... it would be the next step he would make from what he's been doing.

We are warning you.....that is what you can expect from his type. The verbal threats and intimidation wil progress to physical abuse in time.... there are scores of dead and maimed victims of abuse from people like him..... and there are far more victims carrying the mental scars from the abuse than ones who carry permanent physical scars.

They all thought they could make the other person change if they stayed with them....didn't work for any of them either.

Get away now before its too late.

[J_9]

You need to get rid of this looser. This is the beginning of a very abusive relationship. Since you are a teen, you need to talk to your parents and let them know what is going on so that they can protect you during the break up period.

[Fr_Chuck]

Why would you want to be a friend, with someone who does not even like you

You leave them, dump them. Have no contact with them, what so ever

No you can not normally ever be friends with your ex right after you break up..

You dump him, move on, and forget him

[talaniman]

You do what his ex did before you. Dump him for being an idiot. Forget that friends stuff, have fun with your real friends and get beyond his foolishness. Like you say he will never change.

[Precious7]

Please, ''RESCUE'' yourself, your body and mind from him. I know at the beginning it will hurt but after some time, when you'll feel free in your heart, you'll be who you are, you'll thank yourself that you took this step! Don't get afraid of his threats, but always be cautious, and remember don't feel bad that you left him because it is pure, a correct decision you will be making for your life. Your problem is as you've said "you never dealt with breakup before" so you don't know how to ignore... ", but 'here you take it as if you are rescuing yourself, not as breaking up with him, then you'll not have anything to deal with in your heart'. Forget about ignoring don't even associate with him. I have been in same kind of relationship in the past and I did the same thing what I am telling you to do! I rescued myself and never felt bad for doing this, in fact I am proud of myself that I stood for what is right and my own life and said ''NO'' to this violence.

[Homegirl 50]

You cannot be friends with this loser, he would never allow it. Let your parents know what's been going on and drop this germ like a contagion.

[catonsville]

Scarlett, why do you think he has an EX? Is it possible he treated her the same way he is treating you? You pointed out, enough evidence for you to get away from this guy. Listen to yourself and leave now, not later.

[Countrygirl1011]

You will relize what you have been missing when you leave him. If you stick around in that relationship you will end up getting hurt even more than you are now! I have been in a relationship like that and ended up being a statistic. It really opened up my eyes for sure. Get out while you can and use your friends and family as a support system.

[Jake2008]

As you can see, the hurtful words and comments coming from him, hurt you, and degrade you. It makes you feel awful, because words coming from someone you love like this, must have some truth to them, right?

Also, you can see that you are slowly losing your own self. You are told what to wear, who to associate with, where to go, etc. You are being an obedient child, and when you step out of line, or argue your innocence, the demands only get more demanding from him.

My first sentence spells- abusive
My second sentence spells- controlling

That combination is destined to control and abuse, in order to own their property. You are merely a pawn in his need to have such extreme control over you, that you obey.

But, merely accepting his behavior as 'love', and 'he's really a nice guy when he's not angry', etc. you are helping him to maintain, and increase control, and increase the abuse.

As this cycle continues, he will resort to any means to keep you 'in your place'. And I mean that literally.

You are in a place where you can at least, in your own words, see what is happening. What you are not yet getting is, why.

The 'why' of this could be many things. He is insecure, undoubtedly, and only feels in control of himself, when he is in control of another. How he treats you in other words, will not stop. That is only one example. Google 'understanding a controlling boyfriend' and you'll get hits, and information.

To me, the 'why' part doesn't matter. You are in a sinking ship of a relationship, and, should you decide to let this continue, you will be abused and controlled much more than you are now, until you learn not to speak up, question his behavior or authority, and keep your mouth shut and just do as you're told.

And that will never be enough. The anger has to be directed somewhere, and you will find his justification of that, by saying things you've done, that you haven't, in order to justify his behavior. He could have a bad day at work, or an argument with a friend, and he will take his anger out on you, because he knows that he can both satisfy his need to abuse you, and vent his anger through you, to make himself feel better.

It does NOT end. Women end up DEAD in relationships that they didn't have the courage to get out of. You WILL become a smaller and smaller person, until you are a mere shadow of your former self. Your life will be over, even if he doesn't kill you in a fit of rage, he will kill your soul.

Please seek help. Do your own research, start writing your thoughts and feelings out in a journal, have a heart to heart talk with your mother, best girlfriend, someone who has been through it. Learn that your thinking, and your own behavior, is heading down such a slippery slope, that unless you make immediate changes to your life, your life will essentially be over.