[onlove]

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We dated previously for 6 months and then he broke up with me. He said he didn't see the relationship going anywhere and he was at a point where he couldn't concentrate on a relationship. Also, he said he wasn't in love with me, but I said I was with him. Several months go by with limited talking, then all of a sudden we start hanging out again and date for another 8 months or so until this recent break up.

It was brought up because I wanted more from the relationship. More time and more commitment. I asked if he had the time would he spend it with me and he said yes. (he works several jobs) and I asked if he saw it going anywhere and he said he didn't know and that we both needed to think about things.

A couple days later we met up again. He gave several of the same reasons for breaking up again. He wasn't where he wanted to be in life and until he is there he can't concentrate on a serious relationship. He doesn't love me. And even said he doesn't think I'm the one but when I asked if he would do better with someone else, he said he doesn't think it'd work with anyone right now. Obviously all these things said were incredibly hurtful and we both ended up crying.

I've done a lot of thinking and I know I don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about me. It's just hard because I truly miss him as a person and I'm sad I won't be there for the good and bad things in his life. And I can see now that he's emotionally unavailable and I probably won't be the one he eventually opens up to, which makes me sad because I really tried to be enough. I'm just confused as to why he'd come back a second time if he wasn't willing to change things. Like what did he expect to happen differently? I worked harder the second time around at being better in the relationship and he definitely didn't. I just don't even know why he'd come back and if I didn't say anything how long he would have selfishly kept me around for company. Has anyone else had an experience like this? And if so any advice would be great to get over this completely. I just want to be happy again without him.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, the question is,
What did you expect to happen differently.

For some reason you expected him to change. Of course he is emotionally available, if he wanted to be I would work 14 hours a day, 7 days a week and my emotions are always available. His time is limited that is all.

He does not want a serious relationship. And when you start wanting that, he moves away. You both got back together only because you were both free at the time,

Move on, stop all contact, and just move on.

[talaniman]

You went into this a second time with hopes of a better outcome that didn't happen. Its perfectly normal being sad and disappointed, especially since the second try was no better than the first. It wasn't just him coming back, you had fun dating, but you wanted more of a commitment, and he could not. It happens, and it sucks and while it took an additional 8 months to find out you were just a fun date, and not a great love, AGAIN, its still sucks.

No matter how you feel now, don't go back. Fun, or not. He isn't ready for what you want, and never was. He said so twice, and his return was NOT for what you wanted. Never was, and you should have been clear before you allowed it.

Sorry. We live and learn... still sucks I know.