[broadwayk]

I'm in high school, and am often the only African-American person in my classes. I have a male, white friend who often says certain remarks to be funny I guess, but I don't find them amusing at all. For example, he'll say things like, "Why don't you celebrate Kwanzaa?", or other insensitive things. He can be really fun and fun to be around at times, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to tolerate these remarks because I've made it obvious I don't they're funny, but he either doesn't notice or doesn't care. I'm not sure what to do at this point, because I definitely want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to seem mean or strain our friendship. Help!

[welcometomylife]

He doesn't sound like much of a friend then. Maybe he secretly looks down on you because you're black, but doesn't care enough to bring you down negatively but uses jokes instead.

[Precious7]

You be straight forward and say to him that those remarks or jokes are very funny but You feel uncomfortable or it hurts your sentiments or you say you don't like this kind of remarks which relates with your skin color or race or whatever. If he is a true friend you will know it afterwards, if he still does that, then its totally worth it to' strain' that friendship as you've mentioned. And don't even think that if you're going to ask him to respect your relationship by stopping those remark, then you became mean and selfish. No you don't. Don't entertain. :)

[Fr_Chuck]

He may wonder why you don't ? Honestly, he may believe you would. I know most black people from my old neighborhood that would ask you the same thing and be upset if you don't.

He most likely has ideas of what black people are like and is trying to discuss those with you.

How about talking to him, and explain some of them, and that he is wrong.

I will say this, and most likely get a lot of disagreement.

Any person can find fault with what others say, if they are looking for fault. If they look and think the other person is trying to reach out to your ethnic group in the only way they know, you may consider it different

[smoothy]

If that's the most insensitive thing you are ever going to hear... you are living a charmed life.

I don't see anything wrong with what he asked... there actually are people that actually thing that is a real holiday and not something manufactured not all that long ago by some activist. Some of them think Festivus is a holiday too because they saw it on Seinfeld.

Go around looking for fault in everything... you will always find it... and you will find yourself without friends in a very short time... nobody is without faults or flaws. Including you and me both. Not being perfect is part of the human condition.

[talaniman]

Its important you set him straight and being young sometimes we take it as insensitive when they are merely curious, or ignorant. Don't be afraid of straining the relationship, just keep it real and honest by expressing yourself, without over reacting.

How would he know what his black friend would be about if you are probably his first one? Don't be so sensitive to being the obvious one who is different, because what's not so obvious also is present as the differences in backgrounds, religions, upbring, maturity levels, AND attitudes is there also. NEVER forget you belong in the room the same as they do. You won't be judged by your skin color if your character is one of confidence in yourself, and your abilities. Words are but a test of that confidence and character, and ability.

We all have the same fear of walking into a room of strangers, but they aren't strangers for long and we adapt and lose the fears. Think positive, and don't just think your friend is insensitive, just curious or ignorant and school him on YOUR character, with confidence. If he is a true friend he will learn, if not then why even hang around with him? Treat him as you want to be treated, with a benefit of a doubt until he proves unworthy of your confidence.