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torinorthern · May 20, 2014, 04:16 AM

I lied to my boyfriend about something and he started acting distant from me. Wouldn't text me and was apparently upset. I called him apologising, and he was still acting distant. We've barely talk at all anymore, and he makes no effort to speak to me. Although when I did speak to him on the phone, he told me loves and misses me but I got the vibe he's not sure what he wants.

tickle · May 20, 2014, 04:24 AM

Yes, he needs space. I guess he was disappointed that you had lied to him. Generally one wonders if one lie get told, how many others will there be. I can't see why he is distant. Just be patient with him.

smoothy · May 20, 2014, 04:42 AM

I agree with tickle... you can't do something as serious as telling lies to someone close... then expecting all to be forgotten immediately just because you appologize.

He might get past this... or he might not... but he needs time to decide.

As was mentioned... where there is one lie... there were usually many more before it that weren't discovered... and there will be many more that can be expected to follow.

I'm also guessing this isn't a little white lie... but a pretty big one.

torinorthern · May 20, 2014, 04:56 AM

I've been with this man for about 3-4 months now. We have similar interests and get along well. I feel attracted to him and he regularly tells me I'm beautiful. We were dating and I think we still are but I'm confused (as horrible as that sounds). We've told each other that we love one and another and that we see a future together, we've had some very serious talks before. At the start of the relationship, he was relatively controlling and I told him that I didn't really like it and he cooled down a bit but every now and then he's very protective and slightly controlling, for example, gets annoyed if I talk to other men with fine intentions, gets a bit angry if I don't reply/call him. This annoyed me for a bit so I took a break from him which only lasted a day as he called me telling me how much he loved me.

As the relationship progressed, I lied about something (I obviously felt/feel very bad) that he apparently knew I lied about near the beginning but didn't bring it up. He seemed distant for a while. Until one day he told me that he knew about the lie and was very hurt that the love of his life lied to him. I gave him space and then started to get into slight contact with him asking him how he was/what he was up to. I asked him where we stand and he told me that he can't trust me. I told him that I understood that and I wanted him to tell me straight up what's happening so I can either improve or move on. He said okay, and then asked me why I lied. I called him up telling him it was irrelevant as it won't justify what I did, he said on the phone that he loves and misses me. I said okay, do you want me to give you some more time/space to think and he said I don't want anything. He said he would call me the next day, however he didn't but I didn't get angry, instead I texted him asking how he slept and we talked briefly, that was last night. This is the last I've heard from him.

I'm just so confused where I REALLY do stand with him, because I love him and want to make him feel special and be the woman he wants to be with and I do believe he loves me as well but I don't know what's happening between us?

dontknownuthin · May 20, 2014, 05:59 AM

What did you lie about?

talaniman · May 20, 2014, 07:01 AM

He said okay, and then asked me why I lied. I called him up telling him it was irrelevant as it won't justify what I did,

You had the perfect chance to come clean, and be honest, but you blew it. Not explaining to him was a BIG mistake and makes things worse not better. Let him decide if it was irrelevant or not. So why did you LIE? Why do you expect him to accept it and just forget about it? Can't you see he WANTS to know why you lied and nothing will be solved until you tell him.

It may be too late, but give honesty a try. What have you got to lose?

Jake2008 · May 20, 2014, 07:04 AM

Unless you threw somebody over a cliff, and shot them on the way down, I assume whatever it was was relatively minor.

I'd be more concerned with his inability to talk things out. Serious relationships, and marriages, only work when the two parties involved can talk through their problems. And there will be many problems and difficulties over the course of a long relationship.

That he can just tune out like that, doesn't bode well, for a mature man who can work through a problem with his partner.

To take such major offence to whatever it was that you did, and nearly completely tune you out, leaves you in the state you are in now. Not knowing what is going on. If he is able to just cut you off like that, I would seriously consider if he is capable of communicating, and building a foundation of trust in the relationship.

Why wait around to see which way he's going to go. Why not nicely suggest in an e-mail, that you have suffered long enough with his silence, and don't know where the relationship is going, if anywhere, and you'll give him until the end of the week, to at least sit and talk to you.

If that doesn't happen, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Otherwise, you'll still be in the same boat, he says jump, and you say how high.

odinn7 · May 20, 2014, 08:01 AM

You said he was controlling but backed off and now is just a little controlling. You do know, there is no such thing a "a little controlling", right? If it's there, it will come back and most likely it will be worse.

I'm going to differ from others here...I would use this as my opportunity to just walk away and be done with this. NOBODY needs a controlling person in their life, even if they are only "a little controlling"....walk away.