[juan20]

Hi, this is my first time in this website I decided to ask for help because on what I noticed people's reply are all helpful.

My name is Juan I'm 20 yrs old, I had a girlfriend of 3 yrs and she's 21 yrs old.

Im so in pain right now, for the past few weeks our relationship was like a roller coaster and I was the one who always try to fix the problems otherwise she won't talk to me. She lost interest on me because she never initiates sex anymore and if I initiate she always reject me and it happened for over a month.

To make the story short, last 3 weeks we had a fight so I asked for space, 4 days of no contact I decided to call her but she wouldny pick up the phone therefore I lost my control over emotions, next day I waited at their park for 6 hours but she still ddnt see me, whenevever I try to fix things shel always push me away but at the end we ended back together cause I kept on apologising told her I don't want to let her go and m that okay everything is my fault even though I knew it was her fault too, she never apologise but I let it go cause I really ddnt want to lose her.


Last week, I wanted a real talk tru tex so I told her everything about my feelings, how hurt I am because she often rejects me when I initiate sex, I felt that I was the only one who kept on fighting to save our relationship I felt that between two of us I'm the one who loves more. That our relationship has no more spark because all the things I do for her all the effort she doesn't appreciate it for a year that she ddnt have a license I always drive her , pick her up from work and drives her home to make sure that she's safe. My message to her was so long that everything about my feelings was in it.

She replied and said 'im going to sleep goodnight' so I called her but she kept on declining it from the 5th time I rang her she answered and said" i dont care anymore isnt it obvious i dnt wanna talk to you" then she hangs up.


6 days of no contact I was still hoping that she will send me a reply, or drive to my house esp she got her license 2 weeks ago so it would be really easy to her. But she dit not make any effort, I texted her "why are you taking me for granted its really hurting me" but still no reply for 6 days.

Until I got to the point that every night on my sleep I cry, I got tired that hoping one day she will talk to me and try to work things out.
I convience myself to break up with her to at least value myself because she said she cnt see my value anymorr.

Tonight, I broke up with her in person I gave her a letter about everything about how hurt I am that the way I feel is pain is greater than love, that she doesn't see the importance of having 2 people in d relationship that she never work things out I'm always the one who does that I even showed her my weakness but she only took it for granted.

I know we love each other, but when she finished reading my letter she thank me.for everything as well and apologise for hurting me, she said she will let me go so I won't be hurting anymore.

Now I'm in pain I feel like I can't move on I feel like I want her back because she's till my life but my head is telling me to stop and give myself a dignity especiall when she said that she's tired and doesny have a feelings to me anymore.

What should I do?:( this is the second time of break up in r 3 yrd relationship, 1st break up was exactly the same, I broke up but I took her back.

What should I do now I really need someone to talk to as I don't have that much friend who I can speak about what's going on,

Do you think if I do NC shel tex me and get me back do you think she will realise that she had a person who I never let go of no mater what but this time she knew I let go because she kept on hurting me. :(

Please someone reply to my message I'm going crazy now I feel like I don't want to continue my life anymore. :-(

[Fr_Chuck]

Waiting in a park for hours and calling 6 times is stalking and it will only ruin any chance you ever had to get back with her. Which appears to be none.

She no longer wants you. You just can not accept it.

No contact means just that. NO CONTACT. It is not for 6 days, it is forever. No contact is not a way to get her back. It is a way to get over her and to find someone new.

[smoothy]

Take a hint and leave her alone. Its clear that's what she wants. Stop being a creep and trying to force yourself bak into her life when its clear she doesn't want you in it.

Grow a pair and move on with your life... you really don't have a choice. Before she ends up calling the police and you end up the object of the affections of Bubba in a jail cell.

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, her feelings have changed and have for quite a while, and you have made a pest of yourself, and annoyed her, not to mention the stalking part.

Leave her alone and do NO CONTACT, not to get her back, but to get yourself under control, and accept it's over and move on. Sucks to get dumped and rejected for sex, a sad feeling for sure, quite painful and HURTS. No excuse for you calling and stalking though, so immature and lacking in dignity,and self respect.

Cut it out and endure the pain of being dumped and rejected, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her. Too late to fix this, do better with the next one. You don't have to go crazy because you are hurt, and make a zip darned fool of yourself.

Be better than that. Start now.

[odinn7]

Most of us have been through break-ups...some pretty bad I'm sure. The thing is that you can't let it consume you and take over your life. It's not the end of the world, it's only the end of what you had originally hoped everything would be with that person...well, it isn't so get over it and move on. Be aware that there are plenty of people out there in the world. Why waste your time with someone that you keep fighting with and breaking up with? What kind of life is that? Get over this one and move forward. Someone will come along.

Well...someone will come along as long as you don't keep acting like a nut case and a stalker. Calm down...the world hasn't ended...forget her. What you are doing is stalking and harassment....her next step will be calling the police and having the problem taken care of. You don't want that, do you?

[Oliver2011]

Juan - seriously man it's time to man-up and start preparing to move your life forward. Yes breakups hurt and she they make you not want to sleep or eat or whatever. But all of us have been through this and all of us have survived.

One of the best things you can do is learn from this. You cannot make the person you date or have a relationship with be your entire life. Because when it goes south your entire life is reduced to nothing - as we are seeing now. You need to keep your interests, your friends, your fun, etc.

The next best thing you can do is start being active. Call a friend and go to a movie or out to dinner. Go have fun somewhere. Exercise - it will help with your stress.

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you and who treats you so badly. Move on man.

[juan20]

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REPLIES.

I appreciate everything you guys said, I took all the pain out by crying last nast and realise to move forward.

I couldn't imagine what happened to us, because we used to love each other so much and we never cheated. I can't believe how she changed so quick. Before, she wouldn't sleep untl we sort out the problem.

Im not stalking her either, because when we had a big fight a couple months ago and I was the one who was mad, she waited me at our park for an hour until I went out to see her bcause I ddnt want her to wait that much as I really loved her.

So I thought that waiting for her too would change her mind and talk to me but she ddnt.

In the past few weeks, she ignored my feelings and kept telling herself that she don't want to love me more bcause it will just hurt her.

So last night I had the courage and strength to break up with her without showing my weakness. For the sake of my value and self respect.

Do you think she will realise that she really did love me and come back because she sent me a text saying that she still cannot think properly what was happened.
But I kept myself busy and ignore her reply until she realise that she needs me back.

[DoulaLC]

Do you think she will realise that she really did love me and come back because she sent me a text saying that she still cannot think properly what was happened.
But I kept myself busy and ignore her reply until she realise that she needs me back.

Oh Juan, you had it going until this last bit. It's going to take some time to get over it. Expect to have some good days, where you feel strong and ready to move forward, and some bad days where you can't help but think about all the good times and wonder what happened. That's when you have to face reality and remember that, sure there were good times together, but things changed between you.
before long, you will have more good days and start to see the cracks that were happening in the relationship. You are both at an age where it is so common, and so normal, to experience relationships, and breaking up as you both are learning about what you want. That is all part of maturing... remember, you were only 17 when you first started seeing her.

As was said, focus on yourself, spend time with friends and family, get some exercise, have some fun. Be careful not to jump into another relationship anytime soon.

[smoothy]

You've known her 3 years... She doesn't love you. Therefore its impossible for to to realize something that's just not the case. And if she does... you would be total fool to even let her come back... because if she did it once... she's going to do it again, and again and again... every time she goes through a roguh patch in life... I've seent eh type... they deserve to be alone.

Don't waste your time on her, not another minute.. or we will have to come and focribly take your man-card back, and run it through the shredder.

[Oliver2011]

I totally agree with Doula on the last bit of your post. Move on. No contact. It's over.

"we used to love each other so much and we never cheated." Why do people feel they get a medal now for not cheating. When you are in love cheating isn't an option.

Juan - a relationship without drama is what you need to be looking for. When you are in love you put your partner's needs before yours. That wasn't happening with the two of you. It's time to move on.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REPLIES.

I appreciate everything you guys said, I took all the pain out by crying last nast and realise to move forward.

I couldn't imagine what happened to us, because we used to love each other so much and we never cheated. I can't believe how she changed so quick. Before, she wouldn't sleep untl we sort out the problem.

Im not stalking her either, because when we had a big fight a couple months ago and I was the one who was mad, she waited me at our park for an hour until I went out to see her bcause I ddnt want her to wait that much as I really loved her.

So I thought that waiting for her too would change her mind and talk to me but she ddnt.

In the past few weeks, she ignored my feelings and kept telling herself that she don't want to love me more bcause it will just hurt her.

So last night I had the courage and strength to break up with her without showing my weakness. For the sake of my value and self respect.

Do you think she will realise that she really did love me and come back because she sent me a text saying that she still cannot think properly what was happened.
But I kept myself busy and ignore her reply until she realise that she needs me back.

[dontknownuthin]

Good relationships just aren't this dramatic. You like each other, you act like you like each other. You consider the other persons feelings in your actions. You want to be together. You sound like you want a relationship and something for your three year investment but this is the wrong match for you.

I know it is old fashioned, but the older I get, the more I like the idea of old fashioned courting where you just spend time with someone with the shared goal of figuring out if you are compatible. Can you work out disagreements in a healthy way? Are you similarly committed to goals? Do you treat each other with respect? Do you get along with each other's friends and families? With a focus in figuring out compatibility instead of developing instant passion and intimacy, you treat yourself and the girl with greater respect.

You might want to consider whether you are ready to date with purpose to find a wife, or if you just want a friend to have sex with. If it's the latter, take a break for a while. If this is a search for your wife, consider that in your behavior and hers. Do you want to argue and stalk someone into marrying you? If you operate with purpose, you will evaluate things like her lack of interest in Working out disagreements and recognize "marriage wouldn't work with her because I can't be heard and no problems get solved". You would see it is a deal breaker. But if you start with intimacy and sex, and get to know her later, you are way too into the relationship before you know she is wrong for you. Then you spend three years trying to change each other.

[juan20]

Oh Juan, you had it going until this last bit. It's going to take some time to get over it. Expect to have some good days, where you feel strong and ready to move forward, and some bad days where you can't help but think about all the good times and wonder what happened. That's when you have to face reality and remember that, sure there were good times together, but things changed between you.
before long, you will have more good days and start to see the cracks that were happening in the relationship. You are both at an age where it is so common, and so normal, to experience relationships, and breaking up as you both are learning about what you want. That is all part of maturing... remember, you were only 17 when you first started seeing her.

As was said, focus on yourself, spend time with friends and family, get some exercise, have some fun. Be careful not to jump into another relationship anytime soon.

Thank you so much for all your response.

Yesterday it was her birthday but we ddnt see each other. I sent her a message wishing her a happy birthday, she replied and thank me, she also wanted me to know that she loves me so much that hopefully someday when I forgive her we can start fresh as best friend because she doesn't want to lose me as I'm still the special person for her but she don't think that fixing our relatioship will make any changes because someone is deserving for me not her. She also said that its hurting her a lot but she chose to try to move on and wish me a best luck for my life.

I replied told her that it would be unfair if we stay as friends because I was hurt badly. Realised that I lost myself value by loving her, that whenever I show my weakness she chose to take me for granted.

She apologise and said I hope I know that it hurts so much for her but she will try to move on for every single day that comes by.

Next day I texted her to see me to give something to her, she said she cnt see me and just give her belongings to her friend instead so she can have it back.


I ddnt reply anymore,
I think I'm losing my control but I'm fighting the urge not to contact her. By my messages its obviously that I broke up cause I was hurt so bad and I want her to realised that so she will take me back. But she chose to let me go.

Is no contact will make her miss me and will want me back? Because now that I know she's hurting I know she still loves me so much.

[DoulaLC]

She does realize that you are hurting, she is hurting as well. It will likely hurt for awhile, but it will get easier. That is normal when a relationship ends. It does not mean she wants to get back together with you. It sounds as though she has tried to be very nice in letting you know that. Do you really want her to take you back because she feels sorry for you?

As I've said before... you can love someone very much, but that doesn't meant that they are the best partner for you.

She is moving on; it is best that you do the same.

[odinn7]

No contact is not a device to make the other person miss you and want you back...it is to help you get over the person and move on with your life.

Looks like we have wasted our time giving you advice as you are still holding on to hopes...If I had to guess, she is done with you and is just trying to be nice about it...that's how it sounds to me. But yeah, go ahead...keep wasting your life away while holding on to the hope that she will come back to you because she feels sorry for you. That will work well.

[smoothy]

Some people simply won't get the message until they end up in jail for stalking. No means NO... and there is nothing worse or more creeepy than someone who will not get the message to let go and stay away.

She is trying to be nice about it right now... (being nice doesn't mean you have a chance, being nice means she's trying to not be rude about it).. if that doesn't work she'll contact the police and get a restraining order. Good luck finding certain types of jobs if it ever goes that far.

[Precious7]

My friend! Her behavior towards you clearly shows that she doesn't feel anything for you anymore, though you've tried to settle things up but she isn't interested any more for whatever reason may be, so Please do a favor to yourself and except it and just let her go. Don't fall in her sweet words when she said-" I know we love each other, but when she finished reading my letter she thank me.for everything as well and apologise for hurting me, she said she will let me go so I won't be hurting anymore''... as you wrote above in your main question.oh please.. 1st of all if she doesn't want to see you hurting she will think about forgiving and loving you back not leaving you. So don't even think that she cares for you. I understand how u feel but people change as the time goes, so next time when ever you date any girl you love her and yes stop 'stalking' thing, but look for a girl that even though she changes but the love between you both shouldn't change, in fact it should grow. I am talking with my experience my man and me both defiantly changed as we grew, but we did'nt changed our relationship even thogh several time we went through a roller coaster like event in life. So people change its normal but be with a people who doesn't change the quality of relationship, and who respect you and love you. All the best :)

[juan20]

Hi,

Someone please give me advice if I'm thinking right or if I'm being stupid. Ive recently posted about my ex and I broke up after 3 years.

To make the story short, we broke up 4 days ago, I broke up with her as she hurt me so bad& took me for granted. After breaking up, next day we talked tru tex and she told me she really loves me wanted to be friends as I'm still the most important person for her but she don't think about getting back to me as she think its better to leave what's already broken.

I told her I cnt be friends with her because its really hurting me badly and wants to move on. But deep inside I wanted her to fight for me, but she ddnt.

There are some days that I feel strong but most of the time I'm hurting a lot and we don't have any contact anymore.

Ive bees spending my time with friends and reading a blog when I'm at home to ease the pain. Right now, I'm fighting the urge to text her because I know it will only make her push me.

Ive been exercising as well to less the stress, I've already lost weight about 3kilos in 2 weeks. Which I feel good about it and I've been joining the run marathon as well with my friends.

But deep inside I'm still hurting, I want to move on but kept caughting myself to get back to her and wait so I'm doing the NC rule.

Ive met this girl last night and we both felt the spark, she said first that she likes me and wanted to know about me more. But the problem is, I'm not really ready to be in a relationship and might use her as a rebound which I don't really like to happen.

Im planning to text my ex next week, tell her that I'm doing great, tell her what's new about me and that there's a girl who likes me but I'm not ready into a relationship, and I might ask her if we can go for a coffee on the next weekend.

If I texted her that, what do you guys think she will feel?

Thank you so much for helping and giving advices to someone you don't know like me. I really appreciate it.

[Alty]

You say you're doing NC, and then you say you're going to contact her, and ask her to meet up. NC means no contact, and it's pretty clear what it means. No contact of any kind, not text, not email, not posting on fb, no calling her, and definitely no meeting up.

This relationship is over. If you keep contacting her, you're only prolonging your pain, and only prolonging getting over her and moving on. Lose her number, delete it from your phone, delete her as a friend on fb, delete everything, and do not contact her anymore. Move on.

[Fr_Chuck]

No... just no...

You want to hurt your ex more, by rubbing a new relationship in their face. How pitiful this sounds.

If you are broke up with the ex. You or her do not need to know anything about the other. You stop looking at her Facebook (if you are) you do not message her for any reason. If in 6 months or a year, you have some stupid need to let them know you are still alive, maybe, but for now, no.

First, it is common to jump at a new person, right away, often, they seem better than they are, because you want someone, anyone to fill missing parts.

It is OK, but do go too fast, with someone new yet.

But just no contact, nothing,

[Wondergirl]

Im planning to text my ex next week, tell her that I'm doing great, tell her what's new about me and that there's a girl who likes me but I'm not ready into a relationship, and I might ask her if we can go for a coffee on the next weekend.

Why on earth would you do this? You want her to be jealous? No Contact doesn't mean a waiting time so she misses you and wants to reunite. It means NO contact! Reread what Alty said. She explained it perfectly.