[RT2000monkey]

Well I've dated this girl before. So basically what happened was she was really flirty and we would have amazing times at her house or out of school together. But then suddenly one day I get very angry at her because she was flirting with some other guy just because she wanted to "become his friend again..." and then she apologises and now she and this guy barely talk anymore. Unfortunately her cousin gets cancer and she cries sometimes in the morning, she ignores me sometimes. But really I just try to give her space. I told her that I would wait for her to feel better and then we can start all the fun and excitement all over again. She agrees too. But it hurts just having her so quiet and distant from me. Having to wait for her is very painful... Because I have been so used to that touchy or flirty side to her, I have never really experienced a girl properly sad and I have to actually stay away from her not because I don't like her anymore, but because it's the only thing I can do... I have to wait for her to feel better again, but as the days go past it just hurts more and more. And I have now realised getting mad at her is absolutely no use, because she can't be bothered to even react to it. She told me she would try her best to change from this quiet mood to back to what she originally was, but it is feeling very gradual. Although unexpectedly yesterday, when I gave her space for a entire day, she suddenly hugs me from behind and kisses me during the day, and I talked to her. Its almost as if do not know what to believe anymore. She is suddenly all avoiding me and stuff, and then now she is all flirty just for a moment?

But the worst thing was me and my friend came to her house without her knowing in advance, and she tells us to leave. My friend was being quite an and blames it all on me going " it was only him who wanted to come!" when actually he wanted to come to he just decided to put all the on my head, because he knows I'm an easy target her boyfriend... So as a result me and my friend leave her house, and I get drunk. Then I text her whilst I was drunk... I got pretty mad at her and was a bit of an . She keeps saying "don't worry its ok" "its fine" etc... But really it didn't even feel that way at all. She takes forever to reply and its as if she is ignoring my texts. So because she took something like 10 minutes to reply. I fell asleep, and then I apologise in the morning to her "saying sorry i fell asleep" and so on... But she never replied, and its obvious she is ignoring me because she always is online during this time of the day. And then what the hell do I do? Because I feel so desperate and clingy, when really I am not. She is just ignoring me and I just can't do anything about it. I have tried almost everything it is just I am very unlucky this time. She has to deal with family problems, not me... Its as if she has forgotten about me. And she claims we will be amazing as we where in 3 days from now. But I just can't see how it would come to that. Unless she really does change somehow.

And whenever I apologise for doing anything wrong like "sorry for getting mad at you today" or "I didn't mean to say that" or "i should of acted differently today" she always says "its fine don't worry" Well maybe its not ing "fine" because if it was actually fine I would notice it and feel that it is fine. When it just hurts waiting for her.

[Homegirl 50]

How old are you?
Leave the girl alone for a while. She is going through this cancer thing with her family, you are the least of her concerns right now, and don't show up at her house unannounced.
Chill! You are sounding really desperate and that is not attractive.

[talaniman]

Stop being so selfish and plain silly and show some consideration for her feelings. Go to the circus while you wait for her to be ready to entertain you and show you a fantastic time. Or buy a monkey.

Your conduct is appalling and you are so lucky she even puts up with it.

[Cat1864]

You need to step back and work on your anger management and no more drinking if it is going to cause you to act like a jerk (to be polite.)

If you care about someone, you accept them for who they are not who you want them to be or who they were.

People go through changes as they deal with the hurdles life puts in their path. It affects them on several levels including personality. Under the sadness and concern, there probably is the same fun loving person, but that person is dealing with life. It may be a very long time if ever before she feels comfortable being fun and exciting again. She may have moments, but they will probably be paid for with feelings of guilt over being happy when someone else is going through a lot. However, you couldn't handle her being fun and flirty either, could you?

Stop adding to her stress. Stop getting angry because she isn't behaving the way you want her to behave. Stop taking your anger out on her and then expecting her to accept her repeated apologies for the same things over and over again. If you can't learn from a mistake and keep repeating it, then nothing will ever be fully 'fine' again.

You cannot change her, but you can change yourself and your own reactions. Look at what you have told us and what you haven't. Can you see where you might be able to become part of her support system helping her cope instead of a crack in the foundation adding stress in her life?

If you cannot handle her being the person she is at this moment, make the break-up formal and walk away. Deal with your own emotional issues and maybe someday in the future you will be ready for the ups and downs of a relationship.