[Montana_x]

I'm going through a really tough time in my life and as I was growing up my mother would always keep screaming and hititng on me on everything for example if I get an A at school or lower she yells at me and tells me how dumb I am that I can't even get an A+ then she starts calling me a dummy and also uses words like idiot, moron, stupid and calls me all sorts of stuff. I try to explain to her I'm already doing the best I can but she won't listen. I understand she cares about my education I do too but that's not the point the point is she's getting mad at me when I'm already trying my hardest.

Then one time in gym class I broke my finger and it really hurted a lot and I told my mom she didn't even feel sorry for me all she says is stuff like, you should've avoided it or why did this have to happen and she punished me by paying the doctor fees myself with my own money from my part time job like she just got so mad at me for breaking a bone she wouldn't even support me through it

So yeah I'm going through really deep depression my mom calls me all sorts of stuff she tells me I'm an ugly whore and she says, stand in front of the mirror she asks me what so I see and she tells me all she sees is an ugly person and points out stuff at me like my eye shape is weird, my nose is big and all sorts of stuff I'm just so tired of it! She even tells me I'm a failure and that I'm stupid and can't even do anything. She says I won't be successful in life and I just want to go kill myself I started cutting and my mom saw all those scars on my arms and she asks me about it and I tell her I've been cutting because of her then she punishes me because of it and then she even told me she would love to get a knife and stab me I just started crying really hard I want to die so badly I want to jump out of my window and just kill myself

What should I do doesn't my mom even love me

[Precious7]

Oh dear,
Please don't even think about dying. You are more worth then that. You are beautiful inside out. Harming yourself is not the solution at all. May be you can just sometimes ask your mom (specially when she is in good mood) that why is she doing like that, is she herself going through something in her life? For how long she has been behaving like that? People sometimes in their anger say few things which they really doesn't mean that. But I understand how you feel too, because my mom with harsh word she also use to beat me as if I am a "dough" in her hand. And I also use to think that I want to die then only these people will understand me, but I kept saying no to that ''evil" "dying" thoughts and always try to hold on to God and I hoped that all this experience will make me more strong to face the outside world. This painful time will also pass and my life will not be that same. No matter what other say, You just believe in yourself, don't ever think that you'll never get successful. In fact you got that "A" because of your whole hardworks, there are people in the same world who do everything but still don't get even ''B'' (that's me but not every time time ;)). So, if someone is unable to see what your worth is, it shouldn't affect your worthiness. Please don't cut yourself, because it will give you a scar in your hand, sometimes you can get infection also if its exposed to any bacteria, then it can go worse and painful. And you are beautiful, so let it be beautiful. If you have some close friend whome you can trust talk to them about it. Even with other family members. Talk to your teacher sometimes they can also help. Please don't forget, You are Beautiful, Priceless, and You will be successful if you do hardwork like as you are doing, bad things always happen but don't let it put you down and don't give up. Hope that you feel better. :)

[natalya2223]

Kid, don't let your mom bring you down just everytime you see her just act like she's not there & she don't like it just say you never help me or lisen too me & what I have to say so why should I lisen to the bull you have to say & if she don't like it then just go out side take a walk then go back but really bro the only reason your mom is do this is because she feels some type of way about her self that fact & this is just right now your not going to be living with her for the rest of your life think about.

[DoulaLC]

Hi Montana_x,

Is there another trusted adult in your life? A relative, teacher, school principal, parent of a friend, religious leader whom you can confide in? Ask at school about speaking with the school counselor or social worker. How old are you and how many years left in school do you have? It is so difficult right now, but killing or harming yourself is not the answer. As was said, you won't be living at home for the rest of your life. Is there any possibility of living with another relative or family of a friend until you are able to be on your own?

Your mother has some issues of her own self-esteem and is unhappy with her own life, so she is taking it out on you. She needs help and she may not even realize what she is doing. No doubt she loves you, but is unable to show love. Are there other family members in the house, and if so, what are their experiences with her? Have other people witness her behavior? Do you know if she was treated the same way growing up?

Feel sorry for her, tell her that you love her, and do what you can to find another place to live. If that is not a possibility, spend time with after school activities, your work, other family members, or with friends. Avoid confrontation with her as much as possible. Do what you need to do at home as far as chores and such. Start saving as much of your earnings from your job as possible... you will need this when you are old enough to get out on your own. If it became necessary, family services may be contacted and there is the possibility of living with a family in foster care.

First step... speak to an adult at school about what has been going on. You don't have to deal with the situation on your own.

[Jake2008]

Let's go out on a limb here a little bit and say, your mother is a rotten mother with a very cold heart. Whatever her problems have been, or are, that has made her use you as her emotional punching bag, are no excuse for her behavior toward you.

It is not natural for you to have a mother who treats you with such contempt. That she feels quite free to bully and abuse you to such an extent that you have been cutting, and considering suicide to end this confusing pain you are in, has to be addressed by an outsider.

Seek help! What she has done to you, and continues to do to you, needs to be stopped. Please seek help starting with a school counselor, or your family doctor, and give them a copy of your post here. While it will not be an easy thing to do, there are things you can do yourself, to make your life better.

I don't know what her problem is, as far as she goes. I doubt her behavior toward you is said and done in front of another adult, because surely any reasonable adult would know (as your mother does) that her behavior is causing you great pain. Abusers like your mother pick targets that seem helpless, and all the more reason NOT to be helpless when you can seek help yourself.

You do not say if there are any siblings, or whether they face the same abuse. If there are siblings, they too need a voice, and that voice just may be yours.

You also don't say if you have a father in the picture, and if there is one, what does he do when your mother threatens you with death? When she physically and emotionally abuses you?

I see two very clear problems here. The main one, is your health and safety. The second is, making sure that your mother is not allowed unsupervised around you, or any of her children if there are more. This may mean drastic but necessary measures to get you out of harm's way. Perhaps there is a relative who will take over your care, or at the very least, some consistent intervention in the home, and a plan for your security.

I don't know where you live, but should you present your story to your doctor, or a school counselor or nurse, or any professional, they have an obligation to report this abuse, at least in Canada where I am.

I don't see that, considering what you have said, that your should have to placate your adult mother. What she has done, is horribly wrong, illegal, morally contemptible and criminal.

She can sort her own problems out when you are safely out of her reach.

Please, please get help.