[Swerd89]

So a little background on me
I'm 25 year old male from the Vegas .started using meth when I was 19. I have struggled to stay clean since the day I started using it. When I was 19 I was out of high school and felt very much alone all my friends left and went off to college and I only really had a few close friends. I felt very alone and started hanging around people that were bad for me. When I was 19 I started expirementing sexually and I would go on this site and find local hookups. So one day I decided to meet up with this older guy I had met on the site, bear in mind this was my first time doing anything like this and he introduced me to meth. I had no idea what it was or how to use it.. My addiction took off fairly rapidly I stayed clean for about 6 months after my first encounter. Then I would hit this guy up again when I had the urge until I was full blown using everyday. Eventually this guy introduces me go needles and I started using iv. In a few year span I had lost a couple good jobs my girlfriend at the time, some good friends, and all self respect and confidence. I was extremely skinny and looked like a zombie.
My addiction took me to places I never imagined and put me in horrible situations. Having unprotected Sex with strangers using needles that might have been dirty going to trailer parks and ghettos. I ended up living in a rough part of town with a hooker I met on the hookup site. We would get high off the money she would make prostituting.
I remember going to get tested everyonce in a while and every time it came back clean I would tell myself OK now I'll quit using etc. but I couldn't stop. Until one day I got bad news that I had tested positive for HIV in September of 2010. I thought my world had ended at this point. It was extremely painful to go through and I told myself if I gave it to my ex I'd probably kill myself.eventually got honest with my family and told them I had a problem and needed help. I checked into an outpatient rehab and relapsed a week before it was complete. I started going to NA meetings and had a family friend with 10 plus years in the program sponsor me. I would get 30 or 60 days clean and I would go out and use again and again this happened for quite a while. I ended up getting decided I needed something more than this so with my family's help I went out to Cali for an inpatient recovery program. The program was a year long but I decided to leave after 10 months and flew back to Vegas . I was looking and feeling great. I was completely changed and everything was new. I eventually relapsed after getting out. I got right back into the NA program and got 10 months then relapsed again. Then I got another 9 months and relapsed again.
I have gotten 6 months a few times then relapsed and lately it's been only a couple months at a time then I'll go out and use for a few days until I need sleep then stop using for a while etc. I got out of that rehab in 2011 and have been living with my parents ever since. I feel really ashamed of using because I lie to my parents and they think I've been clean since I got out of rehab 3 years ago. I lied maybe once and told them I drank alcohol since NA considers that a relapse. Anyway I can get clean I just struggle with staying clean and I'm miserable when I use. You'd think after everything I've put myself through I wouldn't go back but here I am just coming down from a 3 day run.

Anyway hope this made sense and thanks for reading.. Any advice is appreciated

[smoothy]

Have you gone back to hanging with the same people or types of people you were before? If so, that is one huge mistake... you have to make a break from all the old habits associated with your use. Sure the physical dependence is a whopper to get past... but people tend to be creatures of habit... and those habits might be putting you back into closer proximity to the people and the sources that erodes your willpower... leading to a relapse.

[Fr_Chuck]

If possible, you move away from old friends and family, you have to stop being with people, who help enable you to do this.

[Swerd89]

I have a tendency of going online to meet people which surely gets me into trouble.

[KellyElizabeth]

People places and things! You can't go back to the same environment and expect to stay clean.. yeah you might get a couple months of sobriety but its not going to last long if you keep putting yourself in the same situation.. also WILLPOWER.. if you really are done using you won't pick up again if you really and truly in your heart want to stay clean... and never think you can do it just one more time.. remember one is too many and a thousand is never enough