[wendya2010]

Okay guys I need some advice. So around November 2013 my fiancé and father of my 2 children left me for a girl that he met a work. This is how it started. I helped him get the job back in October of 2013. Around the beginning of November I found out he was Facebook messaging this girl that he had worked with. Politely I asked him to stop because I just had a gut feeling that it wasn't going to end right. I knew she wanted more from him but he told me I was crazy and that she was married and they were just friends. Well I kept checking his messages because I knew my gut wasn't letting me down this time.

Eventually he started deleting the messages so that I could not read them so that tells me he was hiding something. When I confronted him about it he got really mad and that's when he left me for her. He has admitted to me that he lived in a hotel room with her for about 2 or 3 weeks and they had, had multiple sexual encounters. Of course I was really upset. I have 2 kids with him and have been with him for 5 years.

Well finally he decided that he wanted to come home and that she wasn't what she said she was (of course). She would go back and forth between my ex-finance and her husband and kept telling my ex that she was going to leave her husband for him but she never did she just kept swapping so my ex finally got tired of it and wanted to come home. Said he missed me and the kids. Of course I let him come back. I truly love him and wouldn't want my life without him.

Within the time that he had left which was a total of like 2 or 3 months I had lost 18 pounds. I was so upset that I couldn't eat without getting sick. I couldn't sleep I was just so depressed. I never thought that would happen to us because I tried so hard to give him anything he asks because I love him that much. Anyway now that we are back together I'm having a hard time. Its always in the back of my head: Is he still talking to her and hiding it from me? Is he talking to other people at his work? Is he going to leave me again the next time a piece of comes his way? Why did he do it in the first place? Just so many questions but I just don't know how to get over it.

We have talked about it but he doesn't like to talk about it much. He says he feels really bad about it and just wants to move on and not talk about it anymore. But there is just so much unanswered. I don't know how to get this out of my mind. I feel bad for snooping through his stuff but I'm just so worried. I don't know if I could bear that pain again. I have been with this guy since I was in the 11th grade and I have put my heart and soul into our relationship. I just need some advice from someone other than my parents, and I don't want to hear you don't need to be with him or blah blah blah.

My question is what can help me get over this fear of him leaving again? What can get it off my mind 24/7? What can help getting me to trust him again and go back to our normal family. I love this guy and he never cheated but he left me and that puts a huge dent in my self esteem also. I no longer feel beautiful and I no longer feel like I am good enough for anyone and that everyone is going to leave me. I feel like I am over weight. I've just lost all self confidence because why else would he leave me if I was doing everything else for him? I just need some advise to help me please.

[odinn7]

So you don't want us to give you the true advice because you don't want to hear it. The guy is a pig and you let him come back so it tells him he can do it again if he wants and you'll take him back again. You just gave him full license to do whatever it is he wants...but you want to hear how to get over it and move on....well, you won't be able to if he won't talk about it and even then, I doubt you could.

So, I'll back out of here and maybe someone with advice that you want to hear will come along and answer this for you.

[tickle]

You aren't getting any answers because you don't want blah blah blah. Odinn gave you some good blah blah and I agree with him. Give him his walking papers, call his bluff, and you will truly believe you are in control of the situation!

what did your parents advise you to do? I think I can guess !

[smoothy]

I don't know how to get this out of my mind. I feel bad for snooping through his stuff but I'm just so worried. I don't know if I could bare that pain again. I have been with this guy since I was in the 11th grade and I have put my heart and soul into our relationship. I just need some advice from someone other than my parents. And I don't want to hear you don't need to be with him or blah blah blah.

Exactly... why bother typing if the person asking isn't willing to listen to it.

Okay guys I need some advice. So Around November 2013 my fiancé and father of my 2 children left me for a girl that he met a work.

I love this guy and he never cheated but he left me and that puts a huge dent in myself esteem also.

Um....Yes he DID cheat on you......you said so earlier. I'd be willing to bet they don't have a platonic relationship if he walked out on you to be with her.

[Jake2008]

Maybe before you allowed him back home, a few agreed upon decisions should have been made.

It would have been important at the time, for you and your two children, to be protected emotionally from this man, until enough time and understanding and forgiveness had taken place, for you to even begin to trust him enough, to be in your life.

But you've put the cart before the horse.

Now you have reached a point where you are unable to trust him, and he is unable to even talk. His behavior has caused damage to you, and he seemingly goes about his business, not worried, and not caring, about the damage he has caused. Let alone how to try to repair and mend the relationship.

It may very well be beyond help, and whether you want to realize it enough, you saying that you love him, just may not be enough. Love is not a magic wand that can make everything OK, and the pain and anguish just stop. Love won't make you a nice bed of roses and give your family stability, trust, or even a future.

I see this as you living with a relationship, that no longer works. It may work for him, but it is not working for you.

Consider that he shattered your life by cheating, and abandoning you and your children, for cheap sex in a hotel with some chick he met at work.

Really- what kind of man would do this? Would you ever choose a man like this to love? Why would you think you love him now.

I think you need help because you are not seeing what is right in front of you. And I'm not blaming you for not coping, or not being understanding, or being a bad wife, or any such thing. You need an unbiased opinion, and guidance from someone who can give you the space and time to express and work through, and see what your life has turned out to be with this man.

And when you are stronger, you will see, you are better off without him.

[talaniman]

Tell him you are in terrible pain, and he needs to help you through this, and be sure to tell him HOW. If he is unwilling to help his woman, he is no man and has to go. If he won't help, find it elsewhere but you need it BAD.