[Ilovehickman2]

I know people would think I'm crazy. But, I don't care. I just want some opinions, thoughts, suggestions, anything. First of all, I have never been married. I rarely have any communication with any man. I have been in love before a few times. So I know what love is. But,I also have NEVER WILLINGLY had any physical relationships with anyone. Except for being raped a few times in my teen years, I guess you can say that in a way, I kind of feel like a virgin. If that makes any sense. Anyway, for the last FIFTEEN years now, I have been in love with a man who is an actor. That is NOT why I'm interested in him. All I can say is that this handsome man was on the tv shows of prison break and now, a new show, called crossing lines. I've seen many live interviews and talks about him. I don't know how to explain it. But, I just have these feelings for him. I've done a lot of reading and research about him. I like his personality. I know that some people would think that it is just lust or infatuation. But, it's not. Even though this handsome fellow is married, and 21 years older than me, I can't CONTROL HOW I FEEL ABOUT him!! I've heard many stories that it is possible to be in love with someone you don't know. But, the thing is, I don't know what to think or what to believe in anymore when it comes to love. Is it true that the heart is stronger than the brain? Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

[smoothy]

Really... you KNOW what love is... but you rarely have communicvations with any man. Those two statements compltely conflict with each other on a number of levels.

YOU really can't love someone you don't really know... you CAN have a crush on them... or be in lust with them... but love takes years to grow... lust happens very quickly... and can last a couple years before it fades... or even only just weeks.

What you have is a crush on an actor... maybe even in infatuation... but it isn't love. There can't be love when the other party doesn't even know you exist much less feel the same way in return.

Sure there are some actresses I find very appealing....and yes I'd love to meet them...however I also know its unrealistic to ever expect to even meet them much less anything more. I also know that they on a personal level are probibly somethiing very different than their public personna would indicate.

Have you gotten therapy for what happened in your teen years? I hope you have....it could have only helped.

[talaniman]

I think its very easy to build a fantasy world with strong feelings and after all he is safe love since you don't know each other and will never meet. But it fill the time and feels good.

No we can't help the feeling we have. Or what our favorite fantasy is. It's an escape from reality, a safe place. A way to cope with the pain of life.

[Fr_Chuck]

I have a fantasy about Janet Jackson, but I know it is jut that. You appear to be confusing real life and fantasy.

[Jake2008]

Think about what you are doing.

You have been 'in love' with a man for 15 years, that you have never met, and never will meet. Actors and actresses have security personnel because of many other people, like you, that call what you do, love. It is a very one sided, unrealistic 'relationship' that does not exist, because it is not reciprocated in any way, shape or form. For some reason, you carry on as though this man IS in your life, and you've wasted years preventing yourself, because of your obsession, from finding a relationship, that is actually real.

You say, in capital letters, that you can't control how you feel. You are exactly the person, given the opportunity, who would approach, stalk, harass and scare the hell out of the object of your love, thinking that if you could only meet him, he could be, 'the one'.

You can control how you feel, and learn how to, by seeking counseling. Many criminals say they just 'snapped', but 'snapping' is never a good enough reason to do harm to another. There is no such thing as 'snapping'. There IS, however, many people who do not understand, or choose not to understand their own emotions, and their own justification for getting what they want at any cost, for whatever reason they choose.

I don't know, and I am suspicious, of how far your 'love' has gone with this otherwise invisible, unknown individual. I'm sure if 'he' read your post, he would at least raise eyebrows and up his security detail. I know I would.

Your expectations are unreasonable, unfounded, and not attainable. But then, that could be a safe place too, and maybe you are fully aware of the limitations you have allowed yourself to live under. It's easier than living a healthy life, and following the same rules the rest of us have to, in finding a partner who you can love, without being overshadowed by the invisible one.

I urge you to seek professional help, and learn how your feelings are putting your real life, on hold.

If, of course, you choose to.

[carolmonroe38]

Celebrity crushes are common. Keep in mind that A-listers have really good publicists and what you're hearing could only be the good parts. We all have our shameful and bad side.

I think the main reason you've been in love with him for so long is because he's safe. I can understand why given your past. I don't see why you have to stop because you're not doing anybody any harm. Marriage doesn't guarantee that you won't be lonely, and the divorce rate is high. Furthermore, you don't seem to want kids (yet?) so why do you need to conform to the rest of us?

I was beaten and verbally abused as a child. I have many fears that I couldn't get rid of, and I was in therapy for decades. I could spend the rest of my life trying to conquer my fears, or enjoy the countless activities that I'm lucky enough to still have. I chose the latter.

That said, I did overcome my fear of having children and my kids are AWESOME! I guess time heals some wounds. Anyway, good luck.

[Ilovehickman2]

Celebrity crushes are common. Keep in mind that A-listers have really good publicists and what you're hearing could only be the good parts. We all have our shameful and bad side.

I think the main reason you've been in love with him for so long is because he's safe. I can understand why given your past. I don't see why you have to stop because you're not doing anybody any harm. Marriage doesn't guarantee that you won't be lonely, and the divorce rate is high. Furthermore, you don't seem to want kids (yet?) so why do you need to conform to the rest of us?

I was beaten and verbally abused as a child. I have many fears that I couldn't get rid of, and I was in therapy for decades. I could spend the rest of my life trying to conquer my fears, or enjoy the countless activities that I'm lucky enough to still have. I chose the latter.

That said, I did overcome my fear of having children and my kids are AWESOME! I guess time heals some wounds. Anyway, good luck.

I know nobody understands me. Sometimes I feel like I don't understand myself. But, I just can't stop the way I feel about him- W. FICHTNER.

[joypulv]

We do understand. You are the one who doesn't. You are living in a fantasy because it's safer (although limited and somewhat painful) to avoid the real pain you went through as a victim of abuse. The suggestions to get therapy are good. Eventually you will understand.

Love MUST be two sided. No, what you have read is not true. You love your little world in a safe cocoon. If you can tolerate that life, there's nothing wrong with it. If you feel something is missing, admit to yourself that it will never be him, and get help.

[talaniman]

What is it we don't understand about you feelings for a TV personality? I understand the safe comfort of it. I think we all do. It's easy to understand because we all have some level of love for our favorite TV stars. We know its not real, and cannot act on them, just enjoy them when we can, as we carry out our real lives.

[carolmonroe38]

I'm sorry you misunderstood what I said. I was supporting your feelings for the man you're in love with and understand that this is love as you define it. We all define in different ways. The commonality is the passion.

So, who's is it? ;)