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ISeekAdvice · Apr 19, 2014, 05:48 PM

I'm seeing someone who I'm really into and have been considering having sex with this person for the first time. Now that I'm older (28) and more aware of the possible devastating outcomes from having unprotected sex, I would like to request that we both get tested before we take it there. The thing is, I'm not sure how to ask without offending him. It's not that I think he sleeps around, I just want to make sure that we both are safe and condoms don't always protect, especially when having oral sex. Have you ever been asked or asked someone to get tested before having sex? What was your or the other persons response? And how would you feel if someone asked you? Would it turn you off and would you take the time to actually do it? Please answer honestly. There is no right or wrong response. I'm just curious as to how people would handle or have handled the same situation.

smearcase · Apr 20, 2014, 05:36 AM

It is definitely the safest approach. I suspect that it isn't done very frequently but you are concerned about it and if you don't follow through I think that you will worry for a long time after, and that wait to really be sure is measured in years, not weeks or months with today's diseases. I say, go ahead and ask. The other person can say no, yes, or try to talk you out of it.
If the person says anything but yes, you will have a bigger dilemma to deal with but not nearly as serious as dealing with a serious STD. Some people are concerned that their employer who provides their insurance coverage will find out that they were tested and suspect that they already have a disease.

Catsmine · Apr 20, 2014, 06:27 AM

In these days when a one night stand can prove fatal, planning a date to the urologist after lunch begins to seem a little romantic. There's an "Eww" factor to that, so you might try the "Here's my results, can I see yours?" approach.

talaniman · Apr 20, 2014, 08:18 AM

I think it would depend most on the length of time you have been together, and how well you communicate. And how well you trust your birth control and condoms, and your partner, and how you approach it. Talk about it. If people cannot express their concerns, or know how to, that's no good. Solve this issue together, and if you cannot, then you won't have a good relationship together in the first place.

So start talking and express your fears of disease and see where it goes. Yes it's awkward, so what?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 20, 2014, 09:49 AM

I am in a new relationship. We have not moved it to a sexual relationship yet. But it was just a normal question, that a couple should ask. Prior to sex. We have talked about it, and actually both got tested this week. To show the other,

If the person really cares, they will have no problem. If they are offended. You are better off not having sex with them.

Oliver2011 · Apr 21, 2014, 04:18 AM

I asked and was very matter of fact about it and I am still with that person 3 years later. If I was asked I would think that person really likes me and wants a future.

CravenMorhead · Apr 21, 2014, 08:45 AM

I always have that talk before being intimate with a new partner. Their history will directly affect you and your health, even your sanity. So asking isn't a bad thing. It usually comes with the talk. You know, birth control, accidents, what happens if an unplanned pregnnacy occurs. Discuss the risks and responses. Sometimes it can be a relationship ender, but it is necessary. You don't want to have a pregnancy where they want to abort and you want to keep and the fallout from that.

ISeekAdvice · Apr 21, 2014, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think it would depend most on the length of time you have been together, and how well you communicate. And how well you trust your birth control and condoms, and your partner, and how you approach it. Talk about it. If people cannot express their concerns, or know how to, that's no good. Solve this issue together, and if you cannot, then you won't have a good relationship together in the first place.

So start talking and express your fears of disease and see where it goes. Yes it's awkward, so what?

Great answer, thank you.

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

I always have that talk before being intimate with a new partner. Their history will directly affect you and your health, even your sanity. So asking isn't a bad thing. It usually comes with the talk. You know, birth control, accidents, what happens if an unplanned pregnnacy occurs. Discuss the risks and responses. Sometimes it can be a relationship ender, but it is necessary. You don't want to have a pregnancy where they want to abort and you want to keep and the fallout from that.

I totally agree. It could be a relationship ender, but it is necessary.

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

I asked and was very matter of fact about it and I am still with that person 3 years later. If I was asked I would think that person really likes me and wants a future.

Thank you. I hope he feels the same say when I ask. Which I will do.

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I am in a new relationship. We have not moved it to a sexual relationship yet. But it was just a normal question, that a couple should ask. Prior to sex. We have talked about it, and actually both got tested this week. To show the other,

If the person really cares, they will have no problem. If they are offended. You are better off not having sex with them.

Yes. I guess if you have nothing to hide why would you get offended by that. If anything, that shows the person really cares about their health. And that's a good thing.